Post deleted by tarita

Now this just beats all. Apparently she is not a "lesbian," she is his OTHER WOMAN!

I am sorry you are here, but it seems your H is leading a secret second life and has TWO WOMEN. Why not just contact the OW yourself? "Lesbian" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

In the meantime, I would suggest getting the book Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley. Here is a good thread that will set you on the right path: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...p;vc=1&nt=5

She's definitely not a lesbian.

I have to say this lie has to go up there pretty high on the list of Stupidest Lies Waywards Tell.

Stick around, you'll find alot of support here on these boards.

Lesbian??????????? In a pig's eye.

I agree with Bramble, that has to be one of the more creative lies told by wayward spouses of the male variety. This reminds me of H. L. Hunt, a Dallas multimillionaire, who had three families in total, the first one, then the second one, all the while having a third one on the side up in Arkansas, if memory serves. The last one didn't surface until he died.

Sorry you have found your way to MB. There is help here for you.

Larry

You are being very reasonable and bravo to you for wanting to meet the child.
I don't know if the woman is a lesbian that tried something else a few times or not...my gut says NO...but regardless...he is having an affair and SHE is the OW.
You should immediately contact an attorney to discuss this. Since another child is involved finances are going to be an issue.
I would also let you H know that he has two choices...one is to recover the M and that there are NO secrets and that his child is NOT hidden from you. His second choice is to get out. Either way...expose this affair to any and everyone. That woman is an enemy to your M and should be treated as such. Your H has been living a double life full of lies for years now...you make the decision that it stops today...and it will...set your boundaries and NEVER let him get away with secrets again.
If you are afraid of enforcing your boundaries... he will walk all over you.
It is a boundary to say... I will not live with a man that is engaged in an affair....I will not live with a man that is keeping his child from me...etc...
the choice is HIS as to how he handles your boundaries.

Grab the bull by the balls here and act quickly....but with purpose.

Post deleted by tarita

Be sure that there is a paternity test. Also the two of you need to discuss the implications of this child. You need to agree on visitation, etc. Hubby should NOT be visiting or having contact with the OW/lesbian alone.

The visit with the oc was great....he is a wonderful, beautiful child. He ended up spending the night because ow got delayed and my h was working all day the next day i ended up taking him back to his mother by my self (at my husbands and ow request)....that's the first time i've ever met ow. Hopefully this is the beginning of something good. I have told my h that it meant alot to me that he and ow trusted me so completely for me to look after him for 14 hours by my self on the first time I met him....it gave him and i a chance to bond. I look forward to our next visit, i can't wait.
thanks

Tarita,

I sense a certain HUGE level of denial from you.

Your husband betrayed you. You cannot suppress it forever. This will surface in one way or another and it's a huge issue you need to confront now or it will forever be the big elephant in the room that no one talks about.

He cheated on you and had a child with another woman.

This isn't Big Love where he can run around and create new families.

You need to see this for what it is.

He needs to fess up that this was an affair. Why did they have sex if she's a lesbian?

Yes, treat the child well. He's a victim in this mess. Your H, however, needs to be accountable for his actions.

It has now been 4 weeks 3 days since i found out. We son the oc this weekend again for a couple of hours. We told our son who is now 20...I think he is ok with it but his concerns were for me...He told me in private, mom he shouldn't be going over there anymore. Has he told you that he is sorry because he doesn't seem sorry? I didn't answer him...he also said he just didn't think his dad would ever do what he has done. I talked to my husband later and told him the questions that our s asked. After a few minutes of silence he looked at me and said you know he is right I never told you I was sorry, I said I never meant to hurt you...But I am sorry for everything, and I really mean that....I also talked to him about the ow and oc. He said that for him he was at a point in his life that he no longer wanted to be with me and he wanted to sleep with her....It did only happen twice....After the fact he said he kind of knew that she only slept with him because she wanted a child but he couldn't be mad at her for that....I asked why not...she trapped you, she used you he said well i never thought about it that way but i am now. He resents what he did but he can not resent the outcome and I have to agree with that because we can neither one feel that way about this beautiful child. I am hoping for the best and that it all turns out for the good and that neither one of us ever gets to this point in our lives again....I don't think I could ever do this again..!

I would agree with BD about denial.

Does you H go over to see the child and the OW? Are the three of them...or more to the point the two of them ever...EVER...alone?

He has not gone to see the oc alone since before i met oc. After he told me about all of this and i told him how i felt about that situation he went that week and he went a few days before the first time i met oc. That was to let her know that i knew and to let her know that he and i wanted me to meet oc and spend time with him alone. ow does not want her parents to know because they already have a rough time with knowing that she is a lesbian. I also told my h that our 20 year old son told me that he should not be going over there and i think he realized that it was not just me feeling that way....I am not in denial, i know what happened and i and he know that it was wrong and we are really working on our marriage....things have been much better in the last few weeks than they have been in 2 years. but we still have a lot to work through...he has answered any and all of my questions, i feel truthfully and i have met ow....with him and with out him...I know that she is a lesbian and has no interest in him. Any time he saw oc previous to me knowing and the two times since i found out her parents were there, she lives with them. They believe the two of them are just friends from work...i met ow mother and she knows who my h is....I think that will make a difference because ow mother will want to know where i am if he goes to visit without me. She has allowed us to see oc once a week by our selves with out question.

You are in serious denial if you believe she is a lesbian.

Paternity test?

i have met the ow she is definitely a lesbian....my husband thought at the time she slept with him for other reasons...2 times....once she found out she was pregnant she didn't want that any more. she had wanted a child (her and her partner that she is no longer with). He knows now that that is the only reason she slept with him. I did not know at the time but he was at a point in his life and our marriage that he did not want to be with me any longer and did not know how to tell me with out hurting me. He was scared to tell me because he was afraid that i would leave (he had come to a point that he didn't want to loose me). But i had always told him that if he was with anyone else i would leave him.....He said that when i said i wanted to try to work things out it made (still makes)him very happy. Like i said we still have a lot of things to work through and neither of us is blind to the fact that things may not work out in the end but we both want them to and we are both trying very hard. I have seen a huge change in him over the last month compared to the way that he treated me for the last 2 years (he is much more caring) He tells me that he loves me, even when i have not told him first and it has been many years since he has done that. I'm just hoping for the best.

It has now been 6 weeks 1 day. We had the baby last Friday over night, I took him back to his mother because my husband was working. His first birthday is this weekend and she has said that we can spend some time with him, we are going to have him a little party and tell our other 3 children tonight. Something that bothered me was I asked my h the other night why he tells me thankyou for watching the baby.....I said it makes me feel like a babysitter....tell me thanks for taking such good care of him or whatever just not for watching him. I asked him what he thinks i am to the baby....he said why do you ask such stupid questions??? I can't think of you as his mother, not that you wouldn't make a great one.....That hurt, i felt like he was throwing it all in my face again.
I don't think he meant it that way but i took it that way...anyway, things seem to be going much better. He works with ow so he say hi and asks about the baby but other than that he has not spent any time alone with her and the baby since the first time we had the baby with us.

WOW are you in denial. Sigh.

Tarita,

One question...Yes or No.

Are you willing to have an open marriage?

Is your husband giving her money?

There is something in a newborn's smell that goes straight to the brain in some women. There is a temporary loss of everything except protection for the baby. Heck, Nurses who are in Mother/Baby are always getting pregnant. My wife gets this glassy look in her eye <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Looks like the dyke wanted a baby. No big surprise there. Or maybe she isn't that much of a lesbian.

Larry

Until 3 weeks ago he had not given her any money. It was my idea to start giving her some money each week and i let him know that he should have told me about this a long time ago and should have been doing more for this child all along. The child deserves that. I love my husband enough to work through all of this....I have not forgiven him for what he did but i am ready to.....when he is ready to ask for it. 2years ago we were in a place that he no longer wanted to be with me, things have changed....he cares about her because she is the mother of one of his children......but he loves me and not just because i am the mother of his children. None of this makes what he did right and he is the first to admit that....but our marriage and our love is worth saving....


Larry you're right about a baby's smell he is 1 year old. But I felt something for this child before i ever met him....I love my husband so deeply that i was willing to accept this child like he was one of my own because he is part of my husband.

She is a lesbian....and you're right she did want a baby and my husband has realized that that is probably the only the reason she slept with him.