I gave my self two month off to try to get my head on straight and to deal with the emotions of all of this. Now, tomorrow I go to the personnel office to look for a job. I am scared to death. I haven't look for a job in 10 years and now at 48 I am starting all over. I'm not even looking for a teaching position I don't even know what I am qualified to do. Sometimes like today I wonder if moving out of my house and resigning from job was the right thing to do. Then I think that if H does come back we can't live in the same town as the OW. So here I am no job living with daughter and slowly going crazy. Also I sent H a letter I know in my head that he may hve gotten Saturday, but I want miracles immediately. Then I wonder why can't I just leeeet go and go on why do I put up with this. My family thinks I'm crazy maybe I am. And that scares me that I don't know what I am doing.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

di,<P>I've been on both sides (betrayed and betrayer), and I understand more than I'd like. I can also understand trying to begin a new life in your 40's, and later 40's at that. Gotta be sooo hard and scary. <P>You did what you thought was best, so trust in yourself and in God, who will not let you fall flat. Don't listen to your family who call you crazy. Believe it or not, even though I recently was the betrayer, some of my family... well, specifically my mother, think that I'm crazy too. She thinks that I should get out of this marriage, always has had a problem with the marriage. Not my H, she loves him as a person, but he's not the kind of man she wanted for me. So, there ya go, it doesn't matter... families are nutty.<P>Best wishes on the job hunt, and I hope your miracles come soon!! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Actually I admire your courage. You tried but you had a limit and you made changes you needed to make (including getting 'away' from them). I don't think you should feel bad for relying on your daughter for a little while. And since this is one of those 'booming' job market times, i think you probably will have no trouble finding work and can probably even move around a little til you find something you love.<BR>best of luck to you,<BR>kellie

SDS, You may feel that you aren't qualified to do anything now, but there alot of choices that you can make. You could go to a school that teaches,say computers. The classes aren't college length. The training is good. job placement is high. Most importantly it builds self esteem.<BR>Good luck. Take care and control of your life. You're worth it.<P>------------------<BR><BR>That Which does not kill us makes us stronger.<BR>

SDS...<P>I can understand the fear you feel. When I thought my H & I would divorce, I thought how scary it would be to get back into the job force, and I had only been out of it for 4 years.<P>But, have faith in yourself and put yourself in God's hands. I know you will be able to accomplish whatever you decide to do.<P>Oh yeah...during the rocky affair-ridden rollercoaster ride, my close friend told me that she felt I was going crazy. It's hard not to go crazy when your life is turned upside down. I imagine it's normal for almost everyone that's had to live the horror of an affair.

Thanks guys, You know I didn't realize how much I relied on my H for support and he apparently didn't either because he lefted because she needed his support. It has helped to be able to turn to someone for support who knows what I am going through. <BR> I have taught school for the past nine years, and I feel like I have been away from the real world. Teaching is so different or at least at my school. I was own my on in that we were able to do what we wanted to do in the classroom. Sort like do our own thing.<BR> The whole idea of working in a business world has always frightened me. Don't know why. I have worked beside teaching but it has been a very long time ago( before my daughter was born) First step tomorrow. <BR> Thanks again for letting me know I have completely gone bonkers yet.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>