My WS is living with the OW. My children are 5 and 7 and the OW is my husband's best friends wife. So I know her. She knows my kids. The OW has kids but they are 17,19, and 23. Should I call her and tell her what this is doing to my kids? I called and left her a message on Friday night saying I didn't want to fight with her but that I wanted to talk to her. She didn't call me back. I just want to tell her that my kids have reverted back to having accidents in there pants, the daycare calls me weekly about my daughter crying and begging for her dad, my 7 year old is very angry, they are having nightmares, etc. My WH told me that it wouldn't make a difference to her and that I didn't need to call her. And was very upset that I was trying to call her. He said it wouldn't make a difference. I just think if nothing else, it would make me feel better to tell her.

Talking to the OW is a waste of your breath. You will NOT feel better after talking to her. I wouldn't waste my time with an OW.

She doesn't care that she's sleeping with a married man (while she is also married), I can guarantee that the kids are inconsequential to her at this time...and telling her of their devastation will likely not help. It will only upset you and right now, what the kids need is a stable mom.

Honestly, it won't make a difference, hb. The only thing she cares about are her own selfish interests. She doesn't even care about her own kids, or she wouldn't be shacking up like a ho in front of them. She doesn't care about you either.

It won't make you feel any better to listen to her callous, cruel disregard, I promise you. She simply does not care.

Isn't what you are really angry about is that none of these facts seem to make a difference to your WH? You are putting care for the welfare of your children in the hands of a selfish cheating OW. She mostly likely will not care about how her affair has affected your children. The fact that your WH didn't bat an eyelash when you confided in him that his children are suffering and upset because of his poor decisions should be a big clue as to his state of mind. Do what you can to protect your children from his wayward bs. Leave the OW alone. Confronting her will only unite the two of them against you. I am only guessing that bringing the OW and your WH closer is something you DON'T want. Have you tried Plan A? How long has his affair been going on? Have you exposed the affair?

Broken,


No. She doesn't care about anyone [and that probably includes your WH] as much as she cares about herself.

You might want to ask your WH why he isnn't concerned about his children and how this is affecting them.

Sorry, I don't know your sitch., but have you exposed this A to anyone who might be able to put some pressure on?

Who

The OMW confronted my STBXW and she had her arrested.

I confronted the OM and he was so smug that he thought I wouldn't tell his wife the day before Christmas.

She called me so I could hear her beat him with a fire poker.

He screamed like a little girl as she pounded him. Some bug tuff Marine he turned out to be.

hb, do her own kids live in the affair lair?

I would also suggest that you insist that your chilren NEVER go to their affair lair and never be exposed to the OW.

Hopefully, you have explained to your kids that adultery is immoral so they grow up knowing right from wrong. They need your moral guidance more than ever now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Sure but ONLY if she's an upstanding, moral and trustworthy person.

In other words... no.

SH once advised me to confront the OW ... to put a real face on it, make things a little more real for her -- show her that she's hurting a real person.

It was under the caveat of only doing it if I could keep my cool, though, and he told me to know that she would probably be hateful and nasty and cruel and that it would not be a nice situation. (I couldn't do it directly, I wanted to kill her at the time and would have ended up in jail if she'd said any of the things I'm sure she would have).

If you think you can handle it -- really truly handle keeping your cool and remaining calm and not exploding -- no matter what kinds of horrible, sick, cruel things she might say ..... then maybe it wouldn't hurt? Since waywards live in a fanasty world, maybe a little dose of reality in the form of knowing the real effects she's having on real children -- children that she knows and probably used to care about -- it might give her a little glimpse of reality land?


You'd have to be pretty tough to be able to do it, I think.

Maybe you'd have better results by telling other people what it's doing to your kids -- like her parents, family, friends, kids, employer, etc.? Have you already exposed to all of those people?

Ami, that is good advice when the OP has not ever met the BS. In this case, SHE HAS. They are former friends. And the OW still doesnt care. She even knows her KIDS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I agree, though, that there are times when it is a good idea to confront the OP directly. I DID, and the affair ended that day.

I did too with both OW#1 and OW#2. OW#1 lied when she said she'd back off and give our marriage a chance. OW#2 just wanted to argue with me. Neither one of them knew me or even knew that FWH was still married but it didn't make a difference with them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />