My name is JoCee; I live in New York City, the Bronx. I need help with my life. I was married to the love of my life for 19 years. In 2001 I found out that he was having a relationship (talking on the phone) with someone he met while working. When I found out we fought about it and I asked he to please stop contact with her. He did (I lost all trust in him since then) I did not let it go. I followed him I called him to find out where and what he was doing. I called her and harassed her I went to her job and confronted her. To my surprise all it did was bring them closer together. I have 2 children on girl from a previous marriage and a son from my present x. My children daughter age 26 (at time of death) and son age 18, would go away every weekend to get away from the fights and screaming and crying that was going on. I drank every day and night to get past the pain I was in.

My husband was leaving me to be with this (evil) person on July 27, 2002 he did not come home that night. Sunday July 28, 2002 at 1:30pm I got a phone call from a hospital in Liberty New York that my children had been in a car accident. My son was hurt but he is okay, my daughter Jessica was killed.

My husband was there for me (in body only) during the next year, he was still seeing this person on the sneak. The next year was terrible. He allowed our home to go into foreclosure, (which I had to file a legal separation to force him to leave and take over the payments to save my home).

November 2004, my husband filed for divorce against my will.

Let me say that at the time of my daughter’s death my husband was 39 years old. He said to me "I love you but I am not in love with you, Life is to short, I want to be happy".

I still love my husband very much, everyone is telling me he is a jerk; (other words were used). For the past 2years my husband would come to my home and see my son and me for at least 3-4 times a week. He has been staying at his mother’s house sleeping on a couch since the day he left my home in 2003. He is dating this person since on and off since he left.

I had to stop him from coming to my house. It was not good for me. He made it perfectly clear that he was not coming home; he said he was happy being single. He liked coming here to see us spend time with me and our pets, eat when he felt hungry, then going to sleep at his mothers house and doing whatever he felt like. I asked him if he was still with this person, since my son seen her in his car one day. He kind of avoided telling me so I told him as long as you are in a relationship leave me alone don't come here until your relationship is over; you don't have to have the best of both worlds, you want no responsibilities, leave me alone.

I pray to God every night asking him what to do, I heard nothing so I assumed do nothing and let things fall where they fall. I put him out of my mind and I believe God puts him right back in. I have faith that he will come home again. But until he leave this person and comes out of the fog that he is in with her I cannot see him. It hurts too much. He is not the man I fell in love the father of my son. He is an alien in my husband's body. He has not spoken to my son in 3months, my son does not want to talk or acknowledge his father as long as he is with this person. I think it bothers my husband but he is not doing anything to resolve it. All he cares about is his happiness, not mine or Steven's.

I love my husband and I cannot stop feeling that some day he will come out of his crisis and come home. My son said if he comes back my son will leave. I don't want my son to leave; he is all I have left. God left me my son to give me the strength to go on. I ask God every day to help me get through another day. I pray that he will bring back the love of my life and Steven my husband and I can forgive forget and be a family stronger than ever before.

JoCee

JoCee, I am glad you found this place though I am sorry you needed it.

You are not alone.

What have you done for yourself? What are you getting out of this marriage?

I'm not challenging anything you have said. I am just asking what, besides pray, you have done to move yourself toward better emotional health.

This man to whom you are married comes over for food and conversation. Then, he leaves and goes back to his home....as that is where he lives and you have asked him to not come to your house, I will not call your residence his home.

Have you done any reading here? Have you read about Plan A? Have you read about Plan B? Have you read about Emotional Needs (ENs)? About Love Busters (LBs)? When was the last time your husband made a deposit into your love bank or you into his?

Have you read Harley's books, "His Needs, Her Needs" (HNHN) or "Surviving An Affair" (SAA)?

Have you read Dobson's book, "Love Must Be Tough" (or something like that?