I am 43 years old and my husband is 46. We have been married 2 1/2 months(second marriage for both), we have two sons: his is 17, mine is 11. My son has ADHD. He is a challenge sometimes but sometimes has his good days. I mention them in this post because we rarely have any time alone in the house because of our boys.
Now, the problem is that I've been reading all over the internet, newspapers, talk shows, and just about everywhere about couples having trouble with sex, mostly the wife doesn't want to have sex and the husband does, in my previous marriage I had trouble wanting sex as my ex didn't know how to turn me on and didn't last very long before orgasm BUT this time the roles are reveresed--my husband is having trouble with sex. He says that he is so stressed at work and he stresses over our financial situation, his son's anger outbursts when he doesn't get his way and my son's negativity. I am also insecure especially since he isn't intimate with me very often. (My first marriage ended due to my ex's infidelity). I have to insist that we have sex or ask him if it's ok to have sex in order to have sex! I am embarrassed to ask and before we got married we had a great sex life although we knew it was wrong and felt guilty about it. He says that he doesn't take hints well and acts totally clueless when I get upset at him over no sex. We've talked about it numerous times for him to know now. He holds me, kisses me and touches me but when it comes to the actual act he stops as if it's too much for him to go through so he brings himself to orgasm with a "hand job" then expects me to be ok with his stopping by this time it's been such a long time since we had sex or even got this far I really "need" it! I feel so awful for feeling this way and for wanting sex so much. I think about it all the time and when I see a scene on Tv with making out and sex being implied I feel jealous and mad because I'm a newlywed and should be getting some so when we go to bed that's the first thing I think about and if it will happen tonight and it usually doesn't. I want to be understanding and not get upset at him but he acts so clueless. He didn't need hints and wasn't so clueless before when we were dating. I guess I don't understand why now I have to ask him for sex and be so direct.
My son is gone every other weekend with his dad but my step-son's mom lives in another state so he is with us all the time. I insist on having a date night once a month but that doesn't always happen because my husband feels guilty leaving the 17 year old home alone!!! Am I being unreasonable? My husband feels he has to choose me or his son and I never get "chosen". He feels like he will either make me mad or he will make his son mad. He always tries to make his son happy even at my expense. I don't want to resent my step-son and I have even talked to him about our date night. My step-son says he's ok with date night. What is wrong with my husband?
We usually have arguements over the no sex and that he's so clueless he doesn't get my hints for sex and the fact that he needs to give me some TLC, at least, once a month even if we have to leave his son home alone. I don't want to sound cruel but I think a 17 year old will be ok alone for a few hours.
I don't want my feelings for my husband to change and I want our marriage to work.
I don't know what to do. I would really appreciate any ideas or suggestions.