Life as I know it has taken a sudden change of events...

My sister has found out over the weekend, that her fiance (they also have 2 kids together and my sister 1 from a previous relationship) has slept with my cousin.

My sister is in absolute hysterics right now, and I have no idea how to calm her down. I know I did not cry out as she is.... and especially wouldn't do it in front of her kids (I lived with them for a couple of months after WH left me) Also, she continues to make it out like my betrayal means nothing in comparison.

I am torn on how to deal wit hthis because it is not fair to me to dumb down my pain. I know she has every right to be upset... but talking of hurting herself angers me to no end.

I know with me.... I just needed to talk, and I did. My friends listened and got me through it all. I just feel my pain is too fresh to effectively deal with her. And, it makes me feel like a horrible sister.

Hi there, NWTT...

Are you of the belief that all you experience contributes to your growth? Would this crisis with your sister be an opportunity to learn to really listen?

Listen and repeat...to be there for her, hear her...not change, control, direct or cure?

Where you learn that feelings are not a competition...what she feels is her own...as yours are your own? No comparing...there to identify, understand...not to be understood?

You know your betrayal remains significant...she can't make it out to be anything but her own opinion...and you have yours. Would you consider treating her as the equal she is, not based on her response...only your own code?

Listen and repeat is an act of love and respect..."I'm hearing you're hurting so much inside you want to hurt yourself even more, is that correct?"

No effectively dealing...being. Not curing or causing or comparing...being her sister, right now.

Please do not do so if you will feel resentment...take no action which you will resent...make no sacrifice. That's why I asked what you choose to believe...if everything you experience adds to your life...then there is no sacrifice or resentment involved, is there?

LA

You are correct LA.

My sister made the comment today that her situation is worse, so she is much more justified to hurt more. Betrayal is betrayal, so I think that is why I had the feeling that she was trying to dumb down my own pain.

All in all this is a horrible situation. I hate that he hurt her. It is not fair. To anyone.