I am having a REALLY bad day. The week before I found out about the affair, my wife had her tubes tied. Before the surgery, I was reluctant about her having it. I asked her why we had to do it right now. She had a valid arguement at the time, but I am only 33 and she is only 30, and I thought we were so young, why make a permanent decision like this now. She still had over a year on her IUD. The next week I found out about the affair. She says now that she did realize at the time right after the surgery that she couldn't get pregnant by him if anything happened. But she says she didn't think about it before hand. I am having trouble believing that. I called the OM wife and wanted to know if he had said anything about her telling him anything about it before the sugery. She said she didn't know when, but that he had said that she had mentioned to him that she wouldn't be able to get pregnant anymore and that they didn't have to worry about that. After I told my wife I had talked to the OM's wife, she changed her story and said that she might have said something to him before the surgery. I think it had to cross her mind while I was asking her if we really needed to do this now. I had volunteered to have the snip instead, but she was insistant that she get it. She has said that before, but now I really question it. I am having a REALLY hard time with this one. I want to tell her to schedule a reversal. Before she had it done I had talked about having another child, but I feel now like she talked me out of it. It doesn't help now either that she is very defensive about this, and says she feels like I am just coming up with things to feel bad about. We have had really good days recently and this latest regression has made her a little angry. I try to tell her I don't want to feel this way and it's not like I wake up in the morning and just decide to feel bad or mad. Why would I want to keep reliving this. Please help me. Any advice is much appreciated.

PRS,

I am sorry you are here. I am not sure I understand what you are asking for.

Some suggestions so people can really dig deep and help.

Create a signature with a brief discription of your situation.

Your age her age. Kids age how long you have been married and when you found out about the A.

Next space your posts out some it makes them much easier to read. Some of the best posters here have a hard time reading posts that are all bunched up so they don' pay much attention to them.

Now from what I see you had the opportunity to discuss your wifes surgery before she had it.

She persuaded you into seeing things her way. You raised valid points but in the end she had the tubal ligation.

You think she had it so she could have sex with OM without the worry of getting pregnant.

Now you want her to have a reversal.

What you are going to need to do is first get through this very tough time before you even think to have more kids.

The last thing you need to worry about right now is reversing the procedure.

You need to worry about the tough road ahead you will travel to recover you M.

I would recommend.
Surviving an Affair by Harley.

And getting professional help.

This is a bridge you shouldn't even be thinking of crossing now.

You will find plenty of FWS made some pretty bad life changing decesions. You are not alone.

Good luck

I think you are going to accept that some of the reason she got her tubes tied were about her affair. It would be foolish to think otherwise.

That brings up another problem. Your wife made unilateral decisions for which YOU will be the one facing the consequences. Not having another child is one. Having to sell your house and move is another. Being betrayed by not only your wife, but a friend, is a third.

I really suggest that you get at least one appointment with the Harleys. It DOES seem like you can save your marriage, but I think you could use some expert help with a recovery plan.

definately read the book mentioned. you will find out the affairs are like addictions. addictions affect your thinking. even when the affair ends, the fog is still there. bringing another child into the world while parents aren't fully reconciled, is not a good idea. during our false recovery, my wife wanted to continue with the adoption process we started prior to her first affair. i just didn't feel good about it in my heart. that's a good thing, as she started another affair and now we are separated. please be careful.