So I just asked my wife (perhaps future ex wife) cut off contact with the OM. She had sex with him once about 2 weeks ago and has been in contact with him for about 6 weeks total (since she ran into him again after high school). I asked her to either call him and have me listen or to write a letter. She totally rejected the phone call idea (probably good) but she also doesn't want to write a letter. She says she's cut off contact with him as of saturday but i really need her to make it official and prove it to me in some way.

She just stormed out of the house. She said she's not even sure if she's willing to work things out with me let alone succumb to my demands of letter writing or phone calls. Is this a typical response when first asked to cut off contact? I've really never experienced this before.

Cubed, don't DEMAND anything. Put it to her another way. Ask her if she would do this as a good will gesture TO YOU. Sending the letter would demonstrate her willingness to repair the marriage and her caring for YOU. It would mean very much if she could do this FOR YOU since you have been hurt so very badly by her affair.

Don't DEMAND, instead, ask her to consider your feelings.

I tried not to demand at first but as soon as she resisted, I started to get angry. I then said that i really needed her to do this. Thanks for the advice.

You've exposed the affair to her parents and the other man's girlfriend, right?

well her parents know, she told them. hes single apparently. she keeps telling me to back off and that my request for a letter is really weird. she says she hasnt even decided if she wants to try anymore, anytime i bring it up she gets pissed and says shes done with our relationship. should i back off for now?

No, I would talk to her parents to be sure they know. I would find out if the OM is single or has a girlfriend and tell her.

Usually when they say they want you to back off, it is so that they can continue the affair.

What were the things she complained about BEFORE the affair?

Well to be honest, not much. Our sex life was pretty crappy though and we'd sort of disconnected from eachother, she didnt complain much. I know there were problems before and that's all she wants to talk about. She keeps saying how she's done talking about him. Whenever I bring it up she says she doesnt want to work on our marriage anymore.

Cubed, my husband wouldn't write a letter either. He refused, said he didnt see the point since he already broke it off...so far, it seems like he hasnt had contact in 10 days but I not around him 24/7 but when i get off work, he's always home...so if he is sneaking off its not much time he's giving her.

He said writing a letter will make him want to contact her more because he will care about her feelings and would want to explain. I excepted, don't know if I should have or not but I just didnt want to lose him.

My advice (though may be bad) is if it seems like there's NC then maybe you shouldn't worry about the letter. but if you suspect that she is still seeing him and she says she doesnt want to work on the marriage then go into Plan A and forget about the letter writing until she's ready to work on the marriage. So even though she's pulling away....do plan A to the max. Heck do Plan A anyway...let her know now that this OM has nothing on you. Even if she's broken it off she hasn't said she wants to work on the marriage, right? Just drown her with ENs. Then if she says she is ready to work on the marriage because she doesnt want to lose you, have her write the letter in order to get you back but no LBs. Remember, Do Plan A to the best of your abilities and then do more...when u are fed up, go into Plan B.