Yes people know about the affair, nearly all my family, all my friends, only his close family, and all his friends, and the OW's family as well. In the forum I see exposure come up all the time but I haven't seen anywhere on this site where exposure is such a big deal?? Where can I read about exposure and why it is needed?

You can buy Dr Harleys books which outline exposures role...in the meantime here is the cliffnotes version.

Affairs exist in fantasy...exposure brings that fantasy into collision with reality...and then reality generally wins.

In the fantasy everything is beautifull and right and everyone will get along fine and the children will be happy and we can all be friends and God smiles on us from above as we ride unicorns into the mists of avalon.

In reality your spouse is shattered and loses all respect for you and your children cry and go through all sorts of emotional trauma because of your selfishness and immaturity which manifests in some fun [and fun to explain] ways. In reality there are STILL bills and a spouse to deal with who did not conveniently cease to be relevant as instructed and people who tell you straight up that you should be ashamed of yourself and that your new "love" is repulsive and childish.

It causes the affair to start COSTING you and to stop working as an escapist drug.

You can lose your job, children, home, family, friends, extended family, financial freedom..and so on.

All of the problems that you were using the affair to escape are now brought INTO the affair.

Exposure is the nuclear warhead of affair busting.

Waking,

You may want to get a copy of Surviving an Affair. Exposure is a powerful tool intended to end the affair.

Part of the allure of an affair is it's secrecy. Those involved in an affair don't really see it as it really is. Once it is exposed, they are often forced to take a closer look at what they are doing.

If your WH is still involved in an affair, then all of those folks you exposed to should be putting pressure on him to end the affair and establish no contact.

Who

I understand thanks. I purchased Surving An Affair and it should be arriving today. Hm, I told everyone about the affair because I was hurt...I almost told his boss...lol. But I thought that would be cruel...This was before I knew anything about MB.

Maybe that's why he choose me instead of the lover because of the pressure....especially from his mom....his mom is dealing with the same thing...her husband been having a 7 year affair where he goes back and forth. She has now gotten to the point where so doesnt care anymore (but I dont think that's true, she's probably just numb.)

Waking:

Send your MIL here.

See if that won't shake up FIL.

7 years? Got me beat...

LG

WB,

I have my copy of "Surviving an Affair" right next to me and I've read it many times...."exposure" isn't in it. It talks about how affairs "need secrecy to survive" and how WS achieve that secrecy, but Harley never mentions "exposure" directly. Logic says that if affairs need secrecy....then destroying secrecy (thus exposing the affair) would hasten it's demise....but that "leap" is not made in the book. He never talks about exposure as a tool or a strategy in that particular book. There is nothing about exposure in his other books either. All attempts I've made to find one single written source in books, interviews or articles where he talked about exposure at all.....has turned up nothing. (It's possible he's written about it somewhere....but it isn't easy to find) There is nothing about exposure on the homesite. If you put the word "exposure" into the search function for the mains site....you get no results. There is nothing about exposure in any of the descriptions of Plan A that he's written. Why? I don't know....it's weird.

He does apparently talk about exposure on his radio show. According to more than one person I know who listens to him....he is very vocal about it. So as far as I know, that's the only place I can honestly tell you to get it straight from the Dr. Harley.

Thank you star*fish, maybe i'll purchase a radio archive package one of these days.

Wakingbeauty10,

Here's what was posted to me by a very respected person here;



Hope this helps in some way.

All Blessings,
Jerry

I would point out that the IDEA of exposure comes from Harleys, ie: counseling, radio shows, the private forum section of Marriage Builders, etc. [Dr. Harley does have posts about exposure on the MB Weekend Forum]

Coincidentally, this topic was discussed on the radio today on what is cited as a "NEW BROADCAST" on the main page. Dr. Harley told a caller to expose the affair "wide and far" as a means of killing it. If you click on TODAYS radio show http://marriagebuilders.com/ca/to.cgi?l=ft-radio-stream Dr. you can hear it. I think this might be a rerun but it shows up as "NEW BROADCAST" from the MAIN PAGE.

Thank you, I will listen to the link tonight.