hello all,
Our recovery has been going nicely.We are spending more time together and are actually getting closer.

I messed up last night. Wife had the day off and went to a water park with her girl friend. Not a problem she asked me if it would be ok and even invited me to go along with them. I had to work so couldn't go.

I had asked her to give me a call during the day to let me know how things were going. No call, all I got was a text at 7pm. letting me know they were on their way home.


She got home at 9:30 , now the place is an hour and a half away. We had bad weather last night I should have kept that in mind when she got home an hour later than I expected.

Anyway , as that hour elapsed I decided that it woul be a good time to "snoop". I found a journal which had some very heartfelt feelings written in it. Such as "why couldn't it have been you" ," my heart belongs to you now"," my tears are running down my face thinking it should be us" etc, etc.

Well I jumped the gun, when she got home I lb'ed all over the place. I said I was upset that she didn't call all day, but had time on the way home to call anothe g/f for 1/2 hour. We ate dinner while in the midst of a heated argument both of us guilty of saying hurtful things to each other.

After dinner I brought out her "journal", she explained that yes it was about OM but had been written over two years ago. She admitted that it was how she"felt" then but not now. She said that it was a song she was writing and yes even though it was about another guy they were her feelings.

I let her know that I have now right to tell her how to feel aboyt soething. That if thats how she "felt" at that time there was nothing I could do about it. I also asked her how she would feel if she had seen me writing something of that nature about another woman. She agreed that it would be very upsetting.

She let me know that she is working very hard to get past this whole thing as am I. That it may not be moving along as quickly as I want it to be , but that she is comitted to work it out. I agreed that perhaps I am in a bit of a rush and that I am in it for the long haul.

If I could just put the whole thing out of my thoughts when it comes to a boiling point we may be further along. Now I worry that my tirade last night may have bumped me back a step or two, and dread the thought that I may have rekindled some feeling that she had/has for this guy.


WE both apologized to each other last night and again this morning. I now have these ideas in my head that I kind of nudged her in the wrong direction.

Has anyone else found a way to cope with these feelings of resentment/anger? I almost think that I should have just kept it inside,but when I do tyhat it reaches a boiling point like last night and all he11 breaks loose. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

It is a rocky road. And there are plenty of rocks to stumble over for both BS and the WS. All you can see is your remorse for losing control. What she sees might be something completely different.

For example, she could see yet one more example of how she screwed you up. Or she could see one more reason why she screwed up. Those are conflicting and opposite thoughts that depend on her mind set. Unless she tells you and is honest in her telling, you haven't a clue what she thought or is thinking.

Don't project your thoughts on her or let her project her thoughts on you. The policy of Radical Honesty is very, very good thing.

Larry

Thanks larry.
I have been tormenting myself all morning over this, trying to figure out weather or not I sent us into a tailspin. I never really though aboutthe possibiity that she may have just taken something away from that situation to help her "see" how hurt I was/am.

Last night she did mention that she now realizes that although nothing physical happened. It was still wrong and a potentially dangerous situation to get herself into.

She was saying that she was thinking family. Good way for you to think too.

Larry

oh one more thing. My wife also said last night that this whole recovery process has felt like it was being "forced" onto her by me. That although she is glad we are focusing on our marriage now. She had asked me several years ago to go to counseling because she felt things just weren't right and I blew it off.

Now that "I" noticed a problem I forced her to work on our marriage. Again not that working on us is a bad thing but, I dismissed her attempt and years later forced my own.

Along the way I have deleted any pictures from our computer of him and a few voice clips of his that she had. I waited until just this past month for her to remove his name from messenger and e-mail contact lists herself.

The voice clips I found a month ago and deleted myself. She asked me if I had done that this past weekend and I lied at first and said no. Just to avoid bringing up the subject.Minutes later I fessed up and we had a little quiet time for an hour or so.

I asked her why she was even lookig for them last weekend , she said "because I wanted to delete them . I wanted to have that closure myself, but you force everything"

I explained that I was just trying to rid our home of any memories and that yes I should have let her do it herself but didn't want her to think about him anymore.


She told me that she stil lthinks about him now and then but realizes it was wrong and with time will get over it her own way.

CD,

Maybe it's just me, but I think it would be a goog idea for her to get rid of that journal. Since OM doesn't mean anything to her anymore, it is just a source of pain for you.

JMHO,

Who

I'm glad you asked this, I was wondering why she still had this journal. IMO, it should either be thrown away or burned. Besides the obvious of being a source of pain for the BS, it has potential to cause confusion for the WS, thus creating wayward thinking, babble and such.

Just my 2 cents for whatever it's worth.

LC