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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10 |
Here is the situation, my H is getting offended very often at something I say or do and he reacts by a disrespectful judgement or angry outburst, I am not intending to hurt him in any way, but he takes things very personally. Even if I apologize for offending him he then withdraws and then gives me the silent treatment. This has been a continued pattern in our relationship and he keeps doing this. Also, my greatest need is words of affirmation and he knows this, when he gets offended the words of affirmation don't come either. He said his greatest need is respect and honor and I have tried my best to do this, but he keeps getting upset with me. I really don't know what else I can do, any advice?
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,518
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Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,518 |
It sounds like he is upset with himself. You may not be the best person to get him to admit and face the root cause of why and what he does not respect about himself. Try to get a pastor or professional counselor to work with him. You may have to approach it as just one problem, although it is probably several, such as the visible manifestation, his anger.
Me: 61
Dear Wife: 58
Married: 35 years
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 107
Member
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Member
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 107 |
It sounds like you need joint counselling to address the way you communicate your needs to him. My FWH was exactly like that for a very long time - ultra sensitive to even the slightest perceived criticism on my part. It got so I didn't even open my mouth any more and that nearly broke up our marriage. There are ways of addressing your issues with him, but I really believe that you are past the stage of working it out without the help of a trained marriage counsellor. Please, get help before it's too late. I didn't, and my FWH had 2 affairs.
BS (me) 51
FWH 53
M 28 1/2 years
1st PA early 1984
DDay late march 1984
2nd EA/PA Dec 04 - Dec 07
3rd PA Aug 07 - Nov 07
D-Day Nov. 25, 2007 2:30 p.m. (for both #2 & 3)
in recovery
DD - 20 yrs
DS - 23 yrs
We don't see things as they are - we see things as WE are. - Anais Nin
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 219
Member
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Member
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 219 |
WIO is right. The behavior you described is three of the four major control dramas. The Intimidator, the Interrogator, and the Aloof.
I can't imagine unraveling all of that w/o some professional help.
In the meantime, you do not have to be part of that drama. Remove yourself from the room when they start.
namaste
Do or not Do, there is no try.
Me 41
DW 42
M 20 years
DD 18 (on her own)
DD13
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