thats cool OWL but he cant do that until he's ready to leave her....because she just may call his bluff.

Boy I would love to threaten my WH but if he calls my bluff, then what. and if she calls Cube's bluff then what. I like your idea....I love your idea....but you gotta have to balls to follow through if WS yet again or refuse your demands.

I dont know about Cube's W but I know my H would not take me serious unless I left and a few days went by...and I'm too scared to do that. He may go back to OW.

At least if the BS is fed up, then they wouldnt care if WS went back with OP or not...(well they would care but -u know what i mean).

Im not saying its a bad plan...just have the balls to walk out for good if they try to call your bluff.

I agree, WB...but he sounds like he's getting ready to me.

Or at least this...at this point...she's WANTING him to stay, but not willing to take all the needed steps for recovery...then he seriously needs to get his plan B ducks in a row ASAP and make it happen.

What bluff? It's called plan B.

Alright, so I have her text message records, they show when/who they were sent to but not any of the content. It looks like she had been lying to me about a lot of things. We recently went on vacation together, this was the first time she told me she was not happy with our marriage. She said she hadn't been in contact with him but I see that she in fact had been texting him all night the night before we left.

Should I ask her if she did this just to see if she will lie to me and then confront her with the evidence or should I tell her first that I know about this?

Also from july 17 to aug. 18 there were a total of 75 text messages between the two of them. AARRGGHHHH!

Cubed....

Just accept the fact that she is/was wayward, and stop with the confrontations. She's caught, and you know it, and she knows it. She will continue to lie, then waffle between emotions and tell you she wants you and wants to make things right.

She can begin making things right by ceasing all contact, and writing a NC letter to the OM, which you will read, approve, and mail for her. You can search for samples in these forums.

To continue the confrontations will make you look evil, and "force" her to defend her actions, neither of which will make matters any better. Just tell her you are tired of the lies, and if they continue, you may be forced to "consider other options", without being specific, or making ultimatums.

Then tell her that she must begin to EARN back your trust by being 100% transparent in every way.... e-mail accounts, text messaging, phone calls, her whereabouts, who she's with, what she's doing and when she'll be home. Ideally, spend all the time you can with her, and work Plan A to the max.

Now is the time to make yourself the most attractive H you can be, and provide a "safe" place for her to come forth with truth and transparency. Remember, there's no "easy" button, and it will take some time, and perhaps a few weeks of Withdrawal before she begins to think like a rational person. Right now getting her to commit to NC is the most important step.

Have you finished reading "Surviving an Affair"?

SD

Well I'll be able to see if there REALLY has been NC in about 2 weeks when the new cell phone bill gets posted. I think asking for an NC letter at this point is not going to do anything except make her contact him in some way again. We talked last night, she had been lying about how far back and how often this really was going on.

She told me though that she hasn't tried to contact him in 3 weeks. But that she really wants to just move forward, she said we should just pretend that she talked to him yesterday (not that she really did). I understand what she's saying but she doesn't get that I NEED to know EVERYTHING. She says it's been 3 weeks. What should I do if it hasn't been 3 weeks? What if it's only been 1 week or whatever? I mean there has to be some type of accountability here. Do I go to plan B if she lied to me about that or what?

Alright maybe not plan B if she's actually ended it but I need total honesty from her and I've told her that but she doesn't seem to want to do that right now.

Ask her if there will be any contacts on that new cell phone bill and explain to her if she has talked or text him that she needs to tell you NOW and not let you find out later.

I remember as if it were just a few hours ago. I told my wife if she wanted space, she could have the world, that I would continue my help for the family and her. The only condition I had was that she had to give up the OM completly and unconditionally. If she went with him, then I was out of her life forever. She knew I meant every word.

She booted the OM from our lives but waffled for a week to make sure I really did mean it.

Larry

Cubed, if you haven't call the OM, you need to. It will give you the arsenal you need. Call him and immediately tell you WW and start asking her questions. What worked for me was I told him I talked to Mrs.SO & SO. to pound home she was married. Then I started asking questions prefaced with "remember, I won't ask a question I don't already have the answer to." He came clean, and all had in my had was a copy of the cell bill. This won't work if they get to talk before you get to ask your questions.

She knows I'll be able to find out as soon as the bill gets posted. I don't think she'd be stupid enough to lie to me at this point but I just can't seem to trust her. I mean, she could always call from the house phone or a friends phone.

Or a calling card- they use those too. Have you checked her purse to see if she has one??

So I talked to my "friend" last night, the one who knew about all this crap and didn't tell me because he was also "friends" with my WW.

According to him, it looks like the OM told WW to stop calling him. It feels pretty shi++y to be the second choice.

Anyway, I think I'm going to have to take a break from this place for a while. I need to start working on the present and stop dwelling on what happened. I'm still going to verify NC and keep snooping but I'm really going to try to move forward with my wife. I'm not sure if I can ever get over this, I know I can't if I think about it all day, every day.

I'm going to try to convince my WW to see a MC. I know it's expensive and doesn't guarantee anything but I think we need it. I'm going to need some individual counseling myself.

I'd like to thank everyone here for their help and support.

I'll be back in a couple weeks to post and update. Wish me luck.

You are the first choice...OM is the bad choice.

Focus on the positive. You are doing fine!

SD

Well I was going to stay away from here for a while but.....
last night we had a couple friends over. I was looking at the pictures in (F)WW friend's cell phone and came across a pic of my wife and OM at a bar. It was taken over a month ago, I'm guessing on or around the night they had sex. It wasn't graphic or anything like that but she had her arms around him and was wearing his hat. They were both smiling at the camera. I got so ****** pissed. I blew up at both my wife and her friend. Everybody left including my wife. She stayed at her friend's house. She came home this morning and we talked. Things are better today but I can't get that image out of my mind.

My wife got all pissed off and keeps telling me I need to try to heal from this but it seems like everywhere I turn I find some new little tidbit of crap leftover from the A. How should I deal with these things? I don't know how many more times I can take him weaseling his way into my life and our marriage.

Cubed,

That was a mistake and you shouldn't have LB'ed. Apologize to your wife for your outburst. All you needed to do was delete the photo. You need to be more patient. You didn't get to this point overnight and it won't get fixed overnight either.