LongWay2Go:

Welcome to MB.

I have read your posts to Downtheroad and hopesandfears

And you seem to have "gotten it" pretty quickly. Much kudos for you for that.

Stick around. You can provide perspective and knowledge that is really needed around here.

If you stray from MB principles, you will be 2x4'ed back into line, so expect that.

It was well over a year after dday, that I really started to post here.

If you want my story, click here: Curtains for LG

Tell us more about yours.

LG

Longway has his "Story Thread" over in recovery.

My Story

Thanks for the greeting LG, I enjoy being here and trying to help where I can. I knew that someone in the midst of withdrawal, a WS that has just come around, could be of some help here. I am also using these boards as a form of helping me through withdrawal, as I used to talk to the OW through online chat all day at work, and I have a huge void of conversation and such to fill. I figure this forum is about as good as I can do while still catering to an addiction, huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

But yeah, I hope I can help some people here and there, and I know that as a logical person who didn't ahve any hope just a few weeks ago, that this site, the methods and ideas from Dr.H, and the posters here have brightened up my life immensely.

LongWay:

First:

Start talking to your DW. Log off and open mouth with DW.

It will make all the difference in the world.

Get "His Needs, Her Needs" from this website, today.

"Surviving an Affair" as well. Read them. Both.

Read them with your DW. Do not try to "learn" her. Just let her learn what she wants to learn.

With the second child, the distance between you two will grow. Look what happened after the first one.

Many of the issues in my relationship can be traced back to the time of the pregnancy and the first years afterwards. And then, it was too late. We had devolved into our roles, and nothing was going to change it. My DW tried to, but I was perfect, didn't need anything else.

Look where it lead me.

You need admiration from your DW. Give it to her, and she will return it is spades to you....

Welcome to MB. Careful, it CAN become a substitute addiction, instead of OW, or MMO's.

So, spend more time with DW.

LG

Yeah, I have LG, I call her several times a day now, and because I want to, not because I feel I have to, as it used to be. I also send her little texts, which is fun.

And I know, I am scared to death, just so incredibly scared, about what will happen with this second child. We talked about that last night. In some ways I am better prepared this time, as I am already in counseling, I am on meds, I know what to expect kind of, etc. But, with the first one I started off very happy and in a good spot in life. This time I am starting off in the worst spot I have ever been in in my life.

Yeah, I'm scared.

LongWay:

Are you still scared?

Where you been?

LG

LongWay:

Welcome to MB.

But don't plug other MC's around here, OK?

They may be helping you, And that's great, but unless you are posting all over thier site about this one, please keep it clean.

LG

Yeah, probably not a good decision on my part to post those. I was just really excited about finding it because it really helped me to understand more things, and I am pretty sure that it will help me and my W in our recovery.

However, I understand that this is first and foremost a business, and mentioning competitors which could threaten profits is explicitely against the rules, and in bad taste.

Actually they do list councellors who have registered with them on this site so it isn't against the rules on that level. The Harleys are more interested in saving marriages than making a buck.

Ah I see you got edited on Beowolf's thread. That was out of line.

I'm happy to read this, I was a little taken aback because I thought it was about saving marriages not the almighty dollar, but admit to questioning it a bit after I read what he said.

Thanks for clearing it up.

LC

Well, apparently saying that another site helped or might provide some answers is considered advertising for them. Here is a quote from Tempest on the announcements forum:

"We've been extremely lenient about enforcing this rule for those of you advocating SYMC's counseling services. However, it's been brought to my attention many times lately by other members, and I feel it is time that we ask for it to stop.

Feel free to mention other websites on the Other Websites Forum. Other than that, please do not advocate to members that they seek counseling/coaching from other counseling services, and do not solicit members for other counseling services. This is explicitly against the rules, and needs to stop.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation.

--------------------
Tempest, MB Forum Administrator
[email]tempestmb@yahoo.com"[/email]

So, if they have Imago or Turtle or whatever counsellors on staff at MB, in essence saying that they agree with their philosophies and therapy styles, then the only possible reason to censor any mention of their website is because of profits.

Like you lifechoice, I had kind of gotten caught up in the "helping people and marriages" aspect of the forums, forgetting that they are owned and operated and paid for by a corporation, who is entitled to make money off of their own site, or at the very least to not help competitors make money.

I mean hey, pharmacutical companies aren't in the business of saving lives, Kraft Foods doesn't stay in business just so that people don't starve, all of the for profit hospital chains (one of which my wife and I just had our second son and received outstanding care at) aren't operated out of the goodness of the owners' hearts. I don't think that that is being cynical, profit drives people to come up with a better mousetrap, and if the Harleys didn't think that they would ever have made money off of their research and work and everything, they probably wouldn't have done it.

Personally I don't have any problem with people making money off of their work or talents or ideas. It leads to ever more and better products/solutions/technologies.

THey don't have such councellors on staff but they DO list councellors who believe in and follow MB philosophies so Tuttle et al wouldn't make that list.

Yes of cause they are a corporation but they GIVE their WHOLE knowledge away for FREE on this site to anyone who reads the articles and FAQ's. Of course the books/tapes have more information but really it's just putting more flesh on the bones of what is available free of charge. Dr Harley always gives material away on his radio program. If it was "strictly business" you would get the same as Dr Phil offers for "free" ie NOTHING.

Yeah, this site (and the one that I mentioned before) are the only sites that I have found so far that give pretty much everything away, and I think it is great and I appreciate it very much from both sites.

I don't mean to be villianizing anyone, but I think that to some people I probably am just by saying that MB wants to make a buck. I only meant to validate their rule, saying that I understand that they don't want me or anyone else to mention or praise any other site or system or philosophy, especially using the soapbox that they graciously provide for free to discuss THEIR product <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I am sure that they feel that their system is best also (obviously), so suggesting that people look at other information would be doing a disservice to them or something perhaps? /shrug

Either way, I'll just stop saying anything about it. I had learned about it from these boards in the first place, so I guess I am grateful that someone broke the rules back then too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

There are a number of counselors/coaches who give their knowledge away for free. There are number who do NOT and some infidelity sites do NOT mention Harley, but do mention other sites, which I think is a diservice to all. Harley is one who gives his stuff away for free.

As Tempest has said, the rules here are very relaxed and in fact, I have mentioned one or two sites myself which had free information that more or less conformed to Harley teachings. They were not censored. Mark has mentioned a dozen or more sites in context. That said, some of the sites that Mark has mentioned fall in the category of failing to list Harley in their list of helpful sites for whatever reason although one site has an article by Harley then says some other counselor is the best. I had to laugh.

The bottom line is that the Harleys are both needful to make a living and at the same time they are without question dedicated to saving marriages and mitigating the harm that adultery causes in our society by any means possible.

Just my 2 cents worth.

Larry

I suspect it has more to do with the appearance of affiliations or endorsements than with profits. The Harleys are more driven by helping people than by making profits. Which is why they give out almost everything for FREE. They LOOK for excuses to give out free books. They clearly LOVE helping people and I hope that God has rewarded them generously in their life's mission.

As a guest, I think it is just plain bad manners to advertise other services on a site that is paid for out of the Harleys pocket. Nor do I even know of any other service/program that holds a candle to the Marriage Builders program. MB is far and away the best program out there.

I have to admit, that statement, coming from MelodyLane, made me smile just a little <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Nice diversion. LOL

I checked my area and there are none listed. That's too bad. I also see this is relatively new. I wonder how MB's has approached the idea of getting the word out and having MC's register. I can't imagine there truly is no one in my area with as good as this program is.

LC

lc, I found Marriage Builders through a MC at our church [6 years ago] and so did some others here. He had, on his own, researched Marriage Builders and was even using the questionaires. So you might call around to various counselors and just ask them if they use MB principles. Our MC was at a Baptist Church.