I am gettin married in one month to a great guy. But I have so many doubts. I am so unsure n don't know why. Everyone knows n tells me he is a great catch. A man of God, trustworthy, loyal, honest, hardworking,etc. Only problem is I lost my attraction to him. We dated 4 yrs b4 gettin engaged n the lovin feelin is gone. I get annoyed by him n crabby for no reason. I pick fights n try to push him away. But he continues to love me. I know I hurt him when I tell him I am not sure I want to marry him. I am so scared of makin the wrong choice, but I sort of feel like what can I do now?! Wedding is so close n people r flyin in from all over the U.S. It would be a mess if we cancelled. I just don't know why I have this anxiety. I wish he was more attractive. I wish he made me laugh more. Am I being unrealistic? Or am I cuttin myself short and settling for someone who is good, but not amazing to me.?! Please help me. I have tried praying about it. We are not having sex and people think that must be so hard, but its not hard at all, I don't really mind. I know it's hard for him, but not me. IS somehting wrong w me? So nervous. Any advice?

Actually, I think it would be a bigger mess if you married him feeling the way you do. He deserves better.

I went through the exact same thing before my wedding. We actually had a big fight 3 weeks before and were considering cancelling. I think one thing that hangs over you is the money spent and what an issue it would be if it were to be cancelled so that distorts your true problems and feelings. Instead of thinking, I dont love him...you think, I dont love him but man all this money and these people coming in, I should just do it. This would definitely be bad for you both. Has the stress of wedding planning caused you guys to neglect each other, i.e. fun stuff, "I wish he made me laugh", etc? Focus on each other and see if it is still there. If not, worrying about these people flying in should be the last of your concerns. I wish you luck!!

so did you end up gettin married to him? Money is definately a stressor. He had a really great job and lost it so now money is really tight. I dont know how I could date someone 4 yrs and get engaged and then decide I am unsure. I think I have known a while I was not sure, but thought that was normal. When I met him, I thought for sure he was "the one." I dont know how I should be feeling. Or should I not be making decisions based off feelings?

We did get married, about to celebrate our 7th anniversary. However, we are in a tough spell right now of "I love you but Im not in love with you". That is why I am here. I absolutely KNEW he was the one for me too. Without a doubt. Even after us almost calling it off, our wedding and honeymoon and the following year were wonderful! Then, the fun dies down and you begin your life. However, you guys have been together for 4 years, so if you really dont feel that it is there for him like that anymore, really really consider at the least postponing it. Weddings are one of the most stressing things I can imagine, as mine was, and after it was over it was such a relief. Just dont misinterpret your worry over the wedding as you feelings of him. Did you really feel like this before the wedding planning began?

Does it matter what any of us say to you? We can't force you to heed our advice.

I believe it would be wise to announce that you are postponing the nuptials indefinitely, after talking it over with your guy. Then get into pre-marital counseling with the Harleys. The costs of marrying for the wrong reasons are higher than any debt you have accumulated thus far on your wedding plans and gown, caterer, etc.

It is easier to postpone, and make a smart decision one way or the other,than to go ahead for the wrong reasons and marry. It is also wiser.

We are currently in premarital counseling. He knows how I feel. I just am unsure if my expectations are too unrealistic. I am a perfectionist and have always had fairy tale ideas of a perfect man for me. My mom says nobody is perfect so you have to accept him as he is and love him. I agree with her, but at what point is it okay to not have my IDEAL man and at what point is it settling? I was so head over heals in love with him the first year of our relationship, but I know feelings can fade over time and I am wondering if this would happen no matter who I am with. I don't want to just call it off based on my questioning of my feelings. I have been praying about it a ton. I feel like God wanted us to meet so why do I feel this way now?! so confused.

yes, I started feeling this way after we dated about 2 yrs. I lost that "in love" feeling. I think that maybe that is normal life though. Maybe I am hoping for false feelings that dont exist in the real world, but only in the movies. Ya know?

Ok, you are kinda where I am. I am not "in love" with my husband as he isnt with me, but I do care for him and want this to work. That first stage of euphoria disappears in any relationship, but the love and care do not. I guess we all wish we could keep that "butterflies" time in our relationship. We are working on getting some of that back. I was absolutely head over heels when we married, so I feel I married my right person, but living together, kids, jobs, etc. just takes time away and you take things for granted. It is good that he knows how you feel. I WANT to love my husband again.....I WANT to have trouble keeping my hands off of him. Girl, when I find the answer, I will share for sure!

So is that bad that I already lost that feeling? Maybe its cause we dated for SO long. It's like we have been married for 4 years already, without the sex of course. Which can make it more difficult cause I feel like we have a friendship since we are not sleeping together. I am glad we are waitin til marriage, but it can cause more confusion cause we have both trained ourselves not to have that intimacy. It will be really different adding that to our relationship once we get married. It seems like I have days where I love him and want to marry him and then I have days where I want to call it all off. Maybe its women hormones. I dont know. He loves me and just wants me to be happy. I have told him exactly how I feel so at least he knows.

So is that bad that I already lost that feeling? Maybe its cause we dated for SO long. It's like we have been married for 4 years already, without the sex of course. Which can make it more difficult cause I feel like we have a friendship since we are not sleeping together. I am glad we are waitin til marriage, but it can cause more confusion cause we have both trained ourselves not to have that intimacy. It will be really different adding that to our relationship once we get married. It seems like I have days where I love him and want to marry him and then I have days where I want to call it all off. Maybe its women hormones. I dont know. He loves me and just wants me to be happy. I have told him exactly how I feel so at least he knows. Also, in my head I know he is a GREAT man to marry. Most women would not have a lot to complain about. In my heart, is where I don't feel it so strong. I get torn between my head and my heart.

Now is the time that you should be questioning if this is a good choice. After you are married...there is no looking back. If you truly are unsure and its not just wedding issues then postpone it. It doesn't matter if you're entire family says he's a good catch and to go through with it. Get to your own heart, look deep because you are the only one that truly knows you and it's a choice you will have to live with for a long time.
I've been married 4 months now. I was a little unsure and now, as a newlywed I have a long uphill battle. Don't get me wrong, we love one another and enjoy every moment we have. But, it is a job and it's a tough one that requires a lot of commitment and prayer!

Not to sound ugly, but you might as well FORGET about the perfect guy. There are none. Some may come close, but once you two get married then it's FACE LIFE TOGETHER. When you see him now he's put his best foot forward to see you and vice versa. Think about waking up with him first thing in the morning.. Does he hog the sheets? I don't, but my wife does. Snore? Yep, I do. Thrash around in bed while sleeping? Sure do. It drives her nuts sometimes! Dragon breath? I have that. Clothes chunked on the floor? Yep, been there do that still. Moody? That's me!
It takes DEDICATION and COMMITMENT to make a Marriage work. Tough choices. Tough love. Sacrifice for your mate.
From what you've posted, I do not believe you or him are ready for that. I've been married for 7 years and I still have LOTS OF THINGS to work on to make my Marriage better.
Prince Charming only exists in FAIRY TALES.
JMHO
S-TDL

Before I got married I thought we are so in love, no matter what happens thats the most important thing.

But then I got married and realized it isnt the most important thing. It's your commitment to the marriage. You arent going to be head over heels in love with your husband throughout your whole marriage no matter what. BUT the important thing is to be committed to that person. I can't really explain it. But as soon as I got married I realized love for the person (not in love) is the only way marriage will work. You have to love them and be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work even when you are not in love with them. When you are in love with someone that is easy.......when your not....you have to love that person anyway. It's tough, marriage is no picnic or fairytale.