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This phrase runs throughout the MB and it's something I hear whenever my wife tries to explain why she doens't want to stay married...it is used as a statement of finality, explaining why divorce is a foregone conclusion. It's hard to argue with...even if it IS WS "fog". How to respond? Can any FWWs out there please give some first-hand insight into how you managed to make the trip back "into" love w/ your BS. In my case, WW hasn't made ANY commitment to NC at all, claiming it's her business, the marriage is over, etc., etc. Exposure ongoing, and thrill (after ~2yrs, 1 yr after d-day) appears to be wearing thin. My thread: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=1#Post3289770
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The statement means they have fallen in love with someone else. I would just say, "is that a new toenail polish you have on today?" Trying to reason with a fogged out wayward is impossible because they do not USE reason. Just view her as you would a falling down drunk and you will understand her mentality.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It's hard to argue with...even if it IS WS "fog".
How to respond? 1. "did you pass gas?" 2. "would you please pass the butter?" 3. "is that a new haircolor?" 4. "did you hear that Brit's divorce was final?" 5. "does my butt look fat in these pants?" **snort** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Thanks for the belly-laugh...I needed that!
Married 17 years
D-Day 4 April 06
EA/PA began Aug 05
Me - 47
WW - 42
DD - 14
DS - 13
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I hope Orchid pops in, she has some HILARIOUS ones! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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p.s. I am really not trying to make light of this, but please understand that it is a complete waste of time to try and understand a wayward.
They all yap the same babble and they all stop babbling once they are seperated from the OP. So, it matters not a whit what she says today, all that matters is doing your best to bust up the affair. In the meantime, just ignore her babbling and don't take it personally. PLEASE.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Mels 'explanation' is as close to the truth as anything else. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> My MC/IC wasn't was .. um ... as kind ... "A catch all phrase when the person doing the dumping knows there is no reason for the relationship to end, other than for purely selfish reasons of wanting to pursue cheap sexual relations with other losers outside of marriage." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.
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5. "does my butt look fat in these pants?" Questions like that are grounds for divorce in most states but not Texas for some odd reason. Readers are welcome to speculate on why that is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Larry
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cuz we don't have fat butts in Texas??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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cuz we don't have fat butts in Texas??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> Two options 1. I thought everything was bigger in Texas!!! 2. Their butt's aren't big...those rolls are actually matching butt holsters. Mr. W
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yankee devil!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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A serious answer. I'll try and explain what it means. The actual quote is "I love you but I'm not IN love with you." For me (and I actually never used the sentence myself) it meant "I don't hate you, I don't even dislike you, you are my H, you are a good person, you and I have history, you and I have children together but I don't feel a spark for you, I don't feel the thud in my stomach" It IS fogbabble. It means that the OP has ignited some false and temporary "spark" that the WS thinks will last forever. It's not the "truth". It's not mature, it's not sustainable and, like Mel says, it's a crock of ****. Actually, Mel you didn't say it was a crock in so many word but that's how I saw what you said. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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Cap,
I've never been a WW, but the "I love you but not in love with you speech" means that the early relationship infatuation has worn off and she's trying to re-generate those feelings with someone else. She doesn't know that the heady feelings of infatuation aren't love...they're just a hormone driven craze.
Are you reading the materials from the site and SAA, HNHN? If you can get her into no contact and through withdrawal you can work on re-creating those feelings in your marriage.
AKA
VowsRSacred/ VRS
Me 44 WH 46
dd Mar 7 06
Dday 2 Jan 19 07 EA and PA
DD 19
DS 10
DS 7
DD 4
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Cap - I have a simpler explanation. It means she's having an affair (in 99% of cases)
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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...No, really? Holy cow! Say it ain't so! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
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My wife told OM "...but, I'm slowly falling out of love with him, and IN love with you. I can't do it, I can't be in love with two men at once."
And then I got the ILBNILWU speech.
That's how she felt. She was slowly losing her love for me...went from being in love to loving me like a friend...to being "in love" with OM.
He was meeting her emotional needs. The more he met, the less she allowed me to meet. It was becoming more and more obvious everyday that she was 'pushing me away'. Which explains what finally led me to do the spy work and prove the affair.
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Over In PlanA/PlanB I answered a previous question of yours over there.
BS (Me) 27
WH 26
M 03/2005
D-Day 06/20/2007
2 DS: 2.5 years and 1 year old
Plan A 8/04/2007
Plan B 10/06/2007
NC 10/12/2007
On the road to recovery 11/06/2007
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