Sorry this is probably going to be long, but I need someone to talk to.

My husband and I are both young, 26, we have been married 3 years, together almost 7. We have two small children who are 2 and 4!

While I was pregnant with our youngest son, he cheated on me with my best friend, it happened once. I confronted her, and she too admitted it, and we ended our friendship. We decided to stay together and work on things, given everything going on at the time I think it was the best decision for us, at the time. I have never forgot, but I did forgive him, and since then we have been very happy, until recently.

About a month ago, I saw a strange number on our cell phone bill, lots of calls, lots of text messages, and that isn't like my husband so I asked him about it. He told me that she was just a friend, and someone to talk to, I accepted that and didn't say another word about it. Well, the same day I confronted him about it, instead of going to work, he lied and went to spend the night with her, they had sex, the first and only time. So now I feel like I am at a complete loss, I thought I stopped this before it even started, I don't understand. He is constantly telling me it isn't sexual, and he just likes the attention, but I don't understand. I again, have decided that I want to work on things, I want my family, he said the same. For him he said the only way he could work on things was to move out, and I said absolutely not, if he left, he couldn't come back. How am I supposed to trust someone when they aren't even in my house? It just didn't make sense to me, so he has stayed. Since all of this happened he has hardly spoke to me, the only thing he can say is he wanted to work on this apart, and I think it doesn't matter how you work it out, as long as you do. We start counceling next week, but I am just so confused as what to do, or say to him. It is like he doesn't even care, or feel bad, he isn't even trying to make up for anything he has done to me, I don't know what else to do. I lost my best friend the first time it happened, and I haven't told anyone in my family because I don't want anyone to hate him, I don't think he is a bad person, I just think he has some issues to work on, and I am willing to help. I just feel like there isn't anymore I can do, I would appreciate any help, or input, Thanks so much!

Hi Kortknee,

Welcome to MB! You’ve found a great site for information. The weekends are very slow around here so it may take some time to get some response.

I just wanted to let you know that I’ve read your post and that your situation isn’t all that uncommon. I know that this doesn't make it any less painful to you, but please know that you are NOT alone in dealing with this...

You can rebuild your marriage after an A or multiple A’s… Mrs. RIF and I are living proof of that.

My best suggestion for you is to read up on all of the articles here and then find a good pro-marriage MC and start going together with your H.

Rebuilding your M is possible, but it isn’t quick, and it will be very painful for both of you early on… if you are BOTH committed to rebuilding, then it can be done.

Semper Fi,

RIF

Sounds like he is in an affair, and doesn't want to stop. Whenever they want to "work on the marriage" by moving out, we suspect what they mean is that they want to continue the affair.

It probably has been going on (at least emotionally) for some time, and he doesn't want to lose her.

You need to do some more snooping, and figure out what is going on. In the meantime, expose the affair to your friends and family, and her family if you know them.

First let me say thank you to both of you for the input, like I said I just need someone to talk to about this, outside of people we know.

I feel the same way, in my eyes wanting to leave the house means something is either going on, or going to continue, and I told him absolutely not. My children and I will not wait around until he wants a family again, so he did stay.

I first saw her number on our phone bill about a month ago, but she knows someone we know, and it is just a mess, so honestly I don't know exactly how long it has been going on, but I suspect not too long.

I have been snooping as much as I possibly can, I check our phone bill online daily, looking for any new number, new text message, anything. I have installed a keylogger on our computer incase he tries to contact her a different way. I hate checking up on him, but I just feel like if he isn't going to be honest, then I need to know the truth some how. I have told a limited amount of people in my family, and I really don't know many people she knows, but I have spoke to her. She told me and I quote, "If I want to talk to him I will, and there is nothing you can do to stop me". I recently intercepted a voicemail from her asking him why hasn't he talked to her, is it because of me? Well I confronted him with it and he told me it is over, completely so I just don't know what to believe, but I have been trying to figure it all out.

Hi Kortknee,



Yep - I'd be my next paycheck that there's something going on between this OW and your H...



Your H is lying to you! Don't believe a word he says.

Until he sits down with you and writes a No Contact letter and lets you "approve" it, then lets YOU mail it, you can be pretty sure that he's still in contact. Right now, his words don't mean anything... watch his ACTIONS...

Continue to snoop and expose to everyone that will help you in your fight to save your M...

Semper Fi,

RIF