My fiance and I have been living together for 2 years after one year of dating. Three days ago, after coming back from a business trip to Poland, he confided in me that he is not in love with me. This came as a complete shock to my emotional being. I never suspected that there was a problem. I felt that he was happy with me and loved me. (Even when he was in Poland he emailed me saying -Don't forget that I miss you and love you. If you forget I will remind you.-) This ambiguity is very confusing. So needless to say, I cried (and cried and cried and cried).

He said that he has been feeling this way for a while now and that there is NOTHING at all that I could do to save this relationship, but he is willing to help me with anything that I need (school, apartment, my child from a previous marriage). He cries back to me saying that it quote -tears his heart out to see (me) upset like this-. But he states that he does not want to give me false hope.

I've browsed all day through this website and will start applying the concepts listed here. I am aching so badly. Please someone respond with advice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Is love a fluid feeling that fluctuates with the tide? single choice
	Yes
	No
Votes accepted starting: 08/19/07 07:17 AM You must vote before you can view the results of this poll.

I won't respond in a poll. I do believe your fiance is not ready to commit. He may be seeing other women. I would backout now; I think you may be dodging a bullet.

My first instinct is the same as Bellevue. Saying that there is nothing that can change this is a strong sign to me that there may be someone else involved or at the very least he is not liking the settled down life (some men just hate to be settled down).

If either of those are the case, as much as it hurts, now may be the time to get out.

If you don't think that's the case, then this article comes to mind:

I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You

These last two posts are quite discouraging! I am almost certain that he is not cheating, nor ever did cheat on me. I haven't been sure what the problem was, because I didn't think there was a problem.

I read ThirdDivorce memebers link to an article... a few links later, I came to a marriage assessment that basically told me that my -priorities are out of whack- Imagine that!

More history: Alex and I met on the internet when the internet first came out. I was 15, he was 16. I lived in WA and he in NY. We became close and remained close because annonymity and easy expressions are easty via email/chat/phone. We have always told eachother that we loved one another, but were too young and too far away. I eventually got married, but my _online_ relationship with Alex went on. I dated other people, and actually had a one year relationship broken up with Alex finally coming to -meet- me. For a year he traveled to FL from NY on a monthly basis. He proposed to me when I was still in FL, and thats when I took a travel RN job and moved to NYC. We lived together since. My son calls him papa (we are Russian), and we have called eachother husband and wife even though we have not been so on paper. I am 26 and he is turning 27 next month.

I have re-amped my behavior toward him since he told me that he doesn't love me. On days that I am working, I get up at 5 long before anyone else in the home. Make him breakfast, go to our bedroom kiss him, tell him that I love him and that breakfast is waiting for him when he awakens. I slip cute notes in his laptop for when he goes to work and opens his computer. When I cry, he holds me and tells me that everything will get better. It's very difficult for me because these steps don't come as second nature to me. I was under the influence that it's the man that takes care of the lady. The tables have turned. It has been one week since that talk. I hope I will continue expressing my love toward him always- make Love Bank deposits.

On a sad note, he has NOT retracted his words that he does not love me. He doesn't say that he doesn't love me either. Yet, he does NOT kiss me on the lips when he or I come home, just the cheek. He does NOT extend his hand to me when we are sitting on the couch watching tv. When I do, he moves it away for it not to be in a sexual way.

We do have sex though. Everyday. On the weekend we visited friends and he told me that I looked very nice. He spoons me when we sleep, and shows kindness by washing the dishes, bringing me a blanket when I'm cold, or waiting for me to get back from work for him to start eating.

Could he be ambivalent? At first I thought he was feeling sorry for me. He said that he does not feel sorry for me. I have no reason to think that he is lying. If he is lying to save me from hurt from this, why not save my hurt when he told me that he doesn't love me anymore?