Once again it's the same fight over myspace.

My husband left today for training in another state. He is military. He will be gone for 2 months. In an effort to stay sane I've been staying away from myspace because everytime I go on there to look at his stuff I find something to be mad about. I wanted him to leave on good terms.

Well I logged on today and apparently I am a huge joke. I logged on my husband's name and saw her profile to see if he is still in her top 8, the number 8 spot out 200 something friends. Yes he is. I saw on his and he still hasn't added me but she is in her top 8 as well except #3 out of 27 friends. I know it's SOO HIGH SCHOOL to be upset about this but this is what her tagline said.

"OOPS I put my profile on private so nosey asses won't see my comments. Get a new hobby LOL"

She is referring to me.

Three weeks ago I saw that he was in her top 8 and decided to take the bull by the horns and email her introducing myself. I put hey apparenlty my husband is a good friend to you and if that is the case then you need to meet his wife. I also wrote that I was offended that she called my husband "very handsome" on her comments. I said woman to women if you saw somebody put that on her boyfriend's myspace page that you didn't know then you would want to know what is up too.

She wrote me back saying she doens't think it is a priority to meet me, they are just friends. Very rude about it too.

So now I feel like a huge joke.

My arguement for doing that is my husband told me if there was something that I wasn't happy with that somebody else did, then go talk to them because he has nothing to do with their actions.

Well he got very angry to the point where he didn't come home for the first couple of nights, slept in the car he said. Then got a hotel room the 3rd night because he was too drunk to drive home. That is fine except we didn't have the money for that. Of course doesn't matter to him. The rest of the time he stayed home but had a barracks room ready for him if he needed to stay away. He didn't use it.

Well I saw what she wrote today and I am fed up. I did something that I shouldn't have done because I know it was sneaky but I blocked her from his myspace. That way she isn't on hislist anymore and he isn't on hers.

Okay anyone in agreement with me that I did the right thing?

Well I am. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> But that's because I hate A's and OWs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

As for invading his 'my space', it isn't nice but then again in war, what is?

Ok, gonna get beat up by those who believe in free speech and all that stuff. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

No worries..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Hi SG80,

Have you asked your H why he is so interested in keeping a MySpace page? If he's using a government computer, or a government network, then MySpace is blocked (at least over here it is).

It sounds like he has some "growing up" to do if he's still "hanging out" on MySpace. Have you told him that married men don't "hang out" on MySpace and that you find his actions disrespectful to you as his wife??

Semper Fi,

RIF

Is there a way you and your H can have a joint "my space?" I was wondering if that would circumvent skanky OPs from swooping down like vultures on a kill.

(I was thinking about starting a joint page with my H, but am nervous about it. Reason for starting...to keep in touch with some of my siblings/nieces and nephews and, more importantly, my oldest daughter who'll be joining the Navy in Jan).

I agree with BringItOn--

You are married -- it should be "Our Space" and not "My Space".

That is, if such a thing is really needed for grown / mature adults.

The whole "friend" think on MySpace is geared toward kids / students -- time for him to grow up.

You should not feel guilty in reading his profile or the profile of any "friends" on his list. Blocking her was appropriate. If you expressed any concern about her and he didn't block her immediately, then it's a red flag.

Do you have a keylogger? I recommend you put one on your system in case he decides to create a new account. Keep access to his current account and check her profile out from time to time to see if he shows up under another name.

Not to think the worst, but, as Orchid pointed out -- this is war.

Blessings

Agree, agree, agree.....

Married adults, don't need to establish new "friends" of the opposite sex on My Space, or anywhere else.

Sounds like your H needs to grow up a bit. What I see here is an even more immature OW here who is using the situation for her own personal amusement. I knew girls like that when I was younger. Those who didn't feel any guilt about hooking up with married guys or even breaking up their marriages, all for kicks and giggles.

Then they moved on leaving families destroyed in their wake. It was all about power and "look what I can do," and not about actually caring a hoot about the WH.

Who

Smiley,

It kind of boils down to this:

If having a my space site causes you anguish and stress, then your husband, out of respect for you, should cancel the space simply because you are much more important that a my space site.

If he refuses to do this simply act of love for you, then there is definitely something more going on OR the little pea brain is so pathetically immature that maybe you should question growing old with this BOZO.

And WAR does not excuse this, thank you very much.

IMHO

kirk

Your WH and the OW sound extremely immature!

If he feels so strongly about his 'my space' and the OW that he punished you by staying away from home for three nights... but it's supposedly nothing serious and doesn't warrant your concern? The way for him to have proven that you and your marriage meant more to him than the OW would have been to block her as his 'friend' himself. You know if he had chosen to calmly assure you that OW meant nothing to him he might have some credibility... me thinx he protests too much! LOL

This sounds like two teenagers rebelling against a parent 'prying' into their 'privacy'. How incredibly lame. My heart goes out to you.

OK, so let's get busy with exposure: Who can you tell about this? Have you told all his friends and relatives about how he got so mad over you contacting the OW that he stayed out all night and got drunk? If I were you I would plan to have a few people over, or go out double-dating with some other couple(s), and then bring up the topic! Ask some people right in front of WH if they think what he's doing on my space is appropriate behavior for a married adult, if they think you overreacted by contacting the OW to introduce yourself, or if they think WH overreacted... for three days...

I think the advice to get the keylogger program on your computer is a good idea. The suggestion of a shared myspace for you and your husband is also a good idea (but something tells me your WH won't be interested int hat...)
Maybe you should just get your own myspace account, linked to your husband's myspace as his WIFE. Oh and then post all sorts of photos of the two of you together on your myspace!

He isn't using a gov't computer. He is using his friend's laptop.

After many "discussions" about this topic, he has told me the only reason he wanted to have a page is to get in contact with his high school friends that he lost contact with and has been trying to find since forever. The rest are just coworkers from Home Depot where he no longer works. He says they are just THERE.

I like the idea of a joint myspace account. That way we both have access. I doubt he will go for it though because he told me from the start that he wanted something that was just his. INDEPENTDENT BEHAVIOR- big lovebuster.

I actually had a myspace page first, just so I can keep in contact with my family and cousins back home in California.


Agree - he is being immature over a situation that he thinks is superficial and dumb.

Out of respect and love for me - I agree with that too. It is causing a lot of unneccessary drama between us. Except he is a TAKER right now. He would see it as me controlling who he is friends with and whatnot.

Isn't it his job to make me feel secure and safe, and comfortable about the friends that he is with?


Says he doesn't talk to this girl, she has a boyfriend. Blah blah blah. Still hasn't made the effort to make me feel comfortable or secure about that friendship. Not that I would want to meet her NOW. I can't PROVE that she ever was/is a OW. All I can do is speculate or trust.

He found out that she is no longer friend. I denied changing it. I asked if he is going to re-add her and he said no. I asked if he is angry at her for what he put but he doesn't want to assume she was talkikng about me so he said he isn't going to do anything. If she had specificaly put my name on there then he would say something. So I feel like a fool and he isn't doing anything about it apparently because he doesn't know if she is talking about me or not.

I know, this is so not in the MB principles for being open and honest. I know this is so HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA that I don't have time for. Admitting that I do have his password would only take away any thing I have left to snoop. I know this isn't taking away any lovebusters by behaving this way. But enough is enough! I've held my tongue when she sent that email with her phone number, asking him to dial *67 so that it comes up blocked on her end. Doesn't take a genius to put it together that she doesn't want her boyfriend to know that another man is calling her. I erased that one without my WH knowing. AND I erased another one asking him for his phone number.

As for exposing, he left yesterday for training for 2 months. No exposing for me.


I think I'm being overly cautious because a)she does seem overly friendly in her emails to him and b) I know how many affairs start on myspace alone.

I'm told to just get over it. Nice, huh? No use obsessing over it.

Just wanted to add that I DO feel like it's he's being a teenager and I"m the mom prying into his privacy. I am tired of feeling like this. I want a marriage, not to be his MOM!

How old is your husband? He sounds very immature. I guess he missed the part in the wedding vows where he said to love, honor and cherish. His letting the other woman ridicule you makes him look bad. I guess he doesn't get that though.

Sounds to me like he needs some counseling. I think I would let him know that you are done with arguing over myspace, and would like him to get some help.

He's not at a place right now where he could email that person to see if she was talking about me. And if he has her number to call her then that would definately be a problem with me I don't want him calling her. So not really much he can do when he is training in the dessert basically.

We did rush into the marriage too young. We've been married for 6 years and he turns 28 this year.

Hi smileygurl80:


Fine -- no problem there -- but he shouldn't have a problem with high school friends knowing he's married. You should be in the main picture on his page, should be a part of his "biographic" paragraph, should be referenced often -- you are his wife and a major part of his life.

If he has a problem with letting people reading his MySpace page know he's married, then the page needs to go.


Doesn't have to be a Love Buster if handled properly -- if you both agree to boundaries in the behavior that keeps you both comfortable, then he CAN have his own page. You should have full access to it. You should be able to read all the comments and postings. If someone (male or female) is posting things that make you uncomfortable, then he should delete those postings. Boundaries.

But, that being said, a more "joint" page would be a better solution -- maintained and accessed by both of you.


But you have a computer in your home, I assume....

Why is he using a friend's laptop? Does he ever use your home computer?

This throws a red flag or two:

1. Could he have another profile on MySpace or another site? I suggest you keep track of these other "friends" on MySpace and peruse their friends list to see if your husband shows up under another profile (especially this other woman's site).
2. Could he be doing other things on his friend's laptop that he wouldn't want to do on your shared computer?


Don't feel like a fool -- there is certainly enough "activity" here to warrant concern. Many times a spouse, when cornered about suspicious activity, will try and make it seem like the concerned spouse's fault or insecurities. Try and make it your problem instead of his. Don't buy it -- step back, take a fresh look, if you're still concerned then press forward with conviction.


OK, so this woman has clearly identified herself as a threat to your marriage. Even if your husband had no real interest in her and is "innocent", she was inviting him to contact her "illicitly" -- given the level of maturity you've ascribed to your husband, such an "exciting" friendship could easily go over the edge. She is a threat.

You've done what you can -- removed her as a friend. Be sure to keep on his email -- set a rule to forward any messages from her to your account.

Put your sensors out (email rules, profiles to check, etc), phone calls to watch. If you think they're talking, monitor your home phone and cell records. Investigate unknown numbers.

It's easy to obsess -- spending all day checking email and profiles. I've been there. Sit back and take a breath. I guarantee you that infidels get lazy and/or careless. If there is something going on, one or the other will "need a fix" or post something that will tip their hand.

But, aside from infidelity, your husband is not treating you in a respectful and loving manner. This needs to be addressed. If he's open to counseling or at least reading some of the MB materials, then it would be worth the investment. Get a marriage DVD series -- watch them together. Spend 15 hours a week in recreational activities. Remind him how worthwhile of an investment you are.

Blessings

Smiley:

Myspace is how my WW started her A. If you have any concern over how your spouse is using it, then you need to lay down the boundaries. If he says it is just to talk to high school guy friends, then it should be all high school guy friends. If I knew then what I knew know, I would have immediately demanded that my WW disable this account before it got out of control, and then I would have done sooner what I have done since, which is to purchase not only key logging software, but blocking software as well. My policy is the my WW can go to relationship websites if she wants to, but she can go find another house to do it from too, if that is what she wants to do. Won't happen in my home. When she figured out I was checking her cell phone, she threatened to get her own phone (we have a joint plan). I told her when you pick out your new phone, pick out a new place to live too, because I am not going backwards, in other words, not going to allow her to just hide her WS actions. I know that she was mad when I blocked relationship sights on the computer, and she is probably still mad that I told her she couldn't talk to male friends anymore on her cell anymore. As the people on here were telling me, if I took no action, than my marriage had NO chance. I believe that. Act sooner rather than later. If your marriage has a chance, eventually your spouse will see that your actions are for the good of the marriage.

On a side note, I think all the excitement of "secretly" contacting someone is gone. As it should be.

I posted here yesterday, but it didn't go through for some reason.

My ex used myspace to supposedly make new friends where we lived. She did this while I was deployed.

I found out about it after I came home. She used the site to go out with 5 different men from the site and one of the dates got physical.

She swore up and down it was just to make friends until I got a keylogger on the computer and got her password and read her messages. They were anything but friendly.

Get his password and MONITOR. Don't reveal that you have it. There are several free keylogger programs available if you google. You need to tell your spy protection software to ignore the keylogger when performing scans.

Monitor his emails with this woman.

If this continues, I would threaten to sue her with alienation of affection if she doesn't stay away from your H.

This is a time to act tough with the H no matter how ticked he gets. You tell him how this behavior is completely inapporpriate for a married man. I would also remind him that adultery is a UCMJ offense and that you will pursue that with his commander if he has an affair with this woman.

That should get his attention.

A woman from my kid's old school called a friend of mine to ask about my situation because she found my WH's myspace page. Of course it made no mention that he was married and had kids. He got rid of his myspace page once he realized he was busted. So I also hate myspace. The curse of modern technology is that it makes it so easy to cheat.

His myspace profile is now private.

He is in the desert. He says he has no access to the internet. Yet somehow last log in was yesterday. The last time I logged in was Sunday not yesterday.

Obviously somebody did this for him or he did it himself and lied to me about it because it WAS NOT private before.

His email address to log in changed (says no such address) and so his password changed.

I texted him about it because that is the only way I can get in contact with him. Says does not know everything is messed up will fix it when he gets home. I asked him to add me as his friend like he said he would. Said he's in training. I said fine give me your email and password so I can log on and fix it, I won't change anything if you don't want me to and I won' email your friends. He said get off his back, don't push him or else he will leave me, and that he's with me either I trust him or don't. I said if he has nothing to hide there's nothing to worry about. He said he isn't worried but he won't stand for this "invasion" of privacy. I told him I needed him to trust me. Says he does. I said I feel like he is setting me up (which he has before or says he has) and I asked him to stop testing me and trust me. He said the f word to me. I stopped texting him after that.

I hate how he is being so immature about this.

He MAY have changed his email because he thought it was compromised since I said it wasn't me. So I no longer have access to his messages or even to look at his page.

Once he is calm down he will call me. I will not accept this behavior anymore. I deserve better than this. I know I shouldn't have done anything drastic like block her as his friend but she is a threat to my marriage. He says he doesn't talk to this person and doesn't care if she is on his list or not.

I will politely thoughtfully request a joint page once things calm down from both ends.

I think space between us right now is very much needed. Especially since I know all he is doing is training.

I refuse to look at his cell phone bill records because that was what caused me to go crazy in the first place...I may have had a reason to look but they all turned out to be nothing.

I really hate myspace.

An "invasion of his privacy"....there is a difference between privacy and secrecy. There should be no secerets between a married couple (except really nice presents). Privacy is closing the door to go to the bathroom. Secrecy is keeping things from the other (i.e., myspace accounts to which the other does not have access).

"He says he doesn't talk to this person and doesn't care if she is on his list or not."

Of course you do realize he's lying, right?
He obviously DOES care as evidenced by his attempt to punish you (staying out all night), threatening you (with leaving), and hostility towards you (using the F word).
Again, if it really were no big deal to him then why is HE acting as if it is?

You need to start exposure ASAP!!!

What have you told family and friends? What do they think of this, especially his suspicious reaction to your concern?

Do you know her phone #?
If so, I would call it if I were you but don't talk to her (yet). Just call the number because she was worried enough about her boyfriend finding out that she e-mailed your husband to block his number when he calls. Just call and hang up. Hopefully her boyfriend will check and see the number that called... Oh BTW, if a man answers DO talk to him, expose to her boyfriend.

Do an internet search on her name and/or phone number to find out as much as you can about her. I was able to expose to OW's relatives by simply calling people in the same town as OW with the same last name.

Does her MySpace give any info about her boyfriend?

You could also expose to your husband's commanding officer.

I know you think your husband will get angry and are therefore hesitant to take action. That's exactly what he wants you to feel like... His anger is an attempt to control you by scaring you.