Why can't he just leave me alone??? Aside from being completely rudderless and a little messed up in the head, I've been doing ok. I've been managing my finances and I've been filling my time and I've even started to do a little more of my job at work. He must have realized that he hadn't kicked me down hard enough.

For the past few weeks, the battle has raged mostly between OW and OWH. I knew my turn was coming. Friday I got an email from WH asking for the marriage certificate so he could fill out the divorce papers. He can't get a divorce for a whole year but he seems to be trying anyway. Then yesterday he called and left messages all over the place for me to call. So I called and we had one of our biggest fights yet. First off, he wanted to bring OW to my baseball game last night. We fought about that and then he brought up everything else. Naturally, it is all my fault that he had an affair. He told me his original plan was to just have an affair because I was such a crappy wife, but then he fell in love with her and that's why he left. He also freaked at me for saying stuff to DS about how I ended up with all the debt and DS told his brothers and that's why they aren't speaking to him (this is a twisted version of the truth). I told him what I had really said and also that I never told DS that (a) WH constantly threatens me with cutting him off when he wants to manipulate me into giving him something else and (b) that WH took DS off his life insurance and everything else and put OW on in his place, despite promising DS that he wouldn't do that. So we screamed at each other and it got back to the baseball and he said she was coming and that's that.

So up to baseball, I got there around the same time as WH. I knew that she was dropping him off, then taking DD to his place and then returning to the game. Fortunately, my team wasn't plaing his. About half way through the game, I saw his truck pull up. I watched, but I didn't see anyone walking up from the parking lot. She must have gone around the long way. After a while, I noticed a woman sitting up on the hill by herself. I have never met OW and I've only briefly seen a picture of her on his cell. This woman might have been her but I couldn't be sure. I wanted to run up there and scream at her, call her a homewrecking ****** and much more. But I didn't.

Later on, I talked to OWH and confirmed from her clothing that it was indeed her. Also, my captain saw them leave together in the truck. Fortunately, my team (and the whole league for that matter) is very supportive of me. Our team went back to the captains place and everybody was wonderful and allowed me to cry and nobody told me to suck it up or get over it. They even begged me to join volleyball which is starting up as soon as baseball ends. Their outpouring understanding was enough to make me cry, if I wasn't already. I don't know what I'd do without wonderful people like that.

But I'm still wrecked. I feel like I did on day 1. I have all the same fear, same pain, same depression but now I'm tired and I'm not sure how I can pick myself up - again. Next weekend is our tournament and I'm pretty sure she'll be there again. It also happens to be my birthday. My team will support me but I don't think I have the strength anymore. I've been chewed up, spit out and left to rot in a puke-filled gutter. Every time I try to pick myself up, he kicks me down again. It's bad enough he did what he did - why on earth does he feel the need to keep at it? Jeez, it would be kinder if he just put a bullet in my head. It's not like I've been doing anything to bother them - I haven't called, emailed or made any attempt to contact him at all. I've stayed completely out of their way.

Does it ever end or do I need to up and move across the country to put an end to this madness?

First, Happy Birthday! Enjoy the day and do something special for yourself.

Second, that makes you a Virgo right? They are a very emotional sign, so you feel deeply and love deeply. A very good thing, unless you are hurting. So realize that some of what you are feeling is out of your control.

Third, stay around people who support you. You are strong and will get through this. If necessary, find more people to support you so you don't burn out family and friends. (Divorce support groups are great).

I may not get to enjoy the day. It is our baseball tournament and I'm pretty sure he's going to bring her. I really want to play. I really like my team and they have been very supportive. But how do I go when he is going to throw he in my face again? He says I'm being childish and I need to grow up. He also said if I wasn't such a lousy wife this never would have happened and since it's all my fault, I should suck it up and take my lumps. He is out for blood. It is a malicious attempt to hurt me further - I know this because the same thing is going on with OM and her husband.

Is it possible to get a restraining order on somebody before they actually do anything physical?

Does this even make sense??!!!! Is it possible to get a restraining order on the two of them to stop harassing me and if I did, is it enforceable?

Tabby, have they threatened you? Are you being followed? Are they calling your house repeatedly? You can get a restraining order if they are a threat, but not to keep them from going to a game. Even a restraining order usually says something like 50 feet or 100 feet. This would not prevent them from showing up at events.

So, here's what you do. You out class them. That is the only lasting permenant revenge, and trust me, it's a douszy.

Smile, be polite, which is not the same as friendly. Do not trash them during the event, even to your best friend because you don't know who may overhear you. Afterward, you can vent to your best friend, and spectulate over how everyone will be saying how cheap and tasteless and scandalous your husband's behavior was.

You'll look like a queen. She'll look like a ******. He'll look like a complete fool. And no one will forget how you handled the situation with poise. And added benefit is your husband will be under the impression you don't care. If you repeat this long enough, he'll get tired of his games, and you won't have the OW showing up every time you turn a corner.

Trust me. I've seen this done really well several times. My mother did it, in spite of people coming out of the woodwork to tell her about my father's philandering. A friend of mine did it as well, in spite of a much younger floozey.

I've also seen what happens when people let their emotions dictate their actions. People would say "Oh, it's it sad?" They would pity them. And because the behavior was outrageous, it cause a lot more talk. I was one of those in my late 20s. My BF was seeing someone else. There was a HUGE confrontation and I got my nose punched by the OW. She dropped me in the middle of a Tavern parking lot. I pressed charges and it was just a scummy situation. I should have walked away and stayed away instead of acting like I was in the middle of a day time drama.

GG, I know that's what I'm supposed to do. What I want to do is kick her teeth in but I know that would cause more trouble than it's worth.

Why do they they do this? WS's and OPs I mean. Is there really anything to be gained from it? The SAs are signed for both couples now and everything has been said and done. So why bother with this crap?

Tabby,

I think your STXWH and MOW must be missing something in their relationship, because they seem to thrive on drama.

I'm speaking from my own personal experience. My XWH was conservative; he was not attracted to women with tattoos, bleach blonds, a smoker or a heavy drinker. MOW was all of those things, they spent most of their time drinking and experimenting different sexual things. They fought when they were sober. To me, they didn't have anything going in their favor, relationship wise. I started to realize that they both enjoy drama to make up for what they were missing.

P.S.
I agree with GG's suggestion 100%.

I feel like I'm part of a soap opera now! I got a call from him last night. No screaming, no yelling - in fact, he was perfectly civilized. Found out later, OW called OWH as well - same thing, perfectly civilized. Here's the only thing - I took OWH's daughter riding (I have a horse) yesterday after work. OW did not know this was happening - DD is with OWH this week. She spoke to her mother afterwards and told her how much fun she had. This was around 8:40 pm. At about 8:55 pm, I got my phone call. WH was at work, so in between there, OW had to have called him. But the conversation was mostly him asking me how my car was running and giving me advise on who to call to get something fixed etc. Then out of the blue he said "I thought you took DD riding tonight" and I said I did. Then he wanted pictures so I said sure. We even talked a little about the baseball and it didn't end up in a fight, despite me being on the offensive.

So is it really simple enough that OW and WH just want pictures or is there another scheme going on. I'm not sure if OW was nice to OWh before or after she found out about the horseback riding.

So I emailed him 4 or 5 pictures - the ones that just showed DD and not OWH. I told OWH about this - he said that was ok as long as I didn't send any of him. WH emailed back the next day - no thank you or anything, just send more with better views. In other words, a subtle insult to my photography skills. I replied saying that the rest have OWH in them and that if they want them to ask him as he will have the complete set once I give him the disc. He replied again with this:


One minute civilized. The next insulting. I'm clearly not going to respond to this, nor am I going to send him any more pictures. But I will have to see them at the tournament tomorrow. Uggh. I'm not sure what to do.

ARGGHHH!!! I found out he was IN MY HOUSE on Monday!!! Not only that, OW was sitting in the car in the driveway!!!! I can't be certain that she wasn't in my house either. He was picking up DS. I told DS to make sure he waited outside. He didn't. He came in, rooted around my medicine cabinet for a prescription that I have that he wanted to borrow (didn't find it), then stole 2 eggs from my fridge (the belonged to my boarder) and then he WENT INTO MY BOARDER'S ROOM LOOKING FOR STUFF!!!!! I only know this because he accidentally locked the cat in there (she is allergic)!!!! He admits to everything except going in her room (and OW being in the house which DS also denies but I'm not sure since DS also told me initially that WH stayed outside).

I called the cops to find out if there is anything that can be done - restraining order or whatever. They said that since DS allowed him to come in (i.e. he didn't break a window to get in), then it isn't tresspassing. 2 eggs is hardly grand theft and probably not worth persuing.

God, and I actually sent this guy pictures as a favour to HER!!!!!!!

How do I keep him (and her) away from me???? The laws around here don't protect me. He has way too much power over DS to expect him to be of any help. They are probably both going to be at my tournament tomorrow (happy f'n birthday to me). They are only doing this to hurt me - there is no other possible reason for it. Everything they have done is apparently 100% legal.

How do I make it stop????!!!!!!

Tabby, I'm not sure this will make you feel any better. I don't think they are intentionally setting out to hurt you. They just don't think about you at all. It's as if you are an appliance. You could be anybody right now.

So, how do you make it stop? You change the locks, don't give your son a key, and don't let them drop him off. You do the pick up and drop off. Ooops. Your son is 19.

Okay, you get him a very cheap used car, and tell him it's so that there is absolutely no reason why your ex ever needs to come to the house. I'd also tell him that if he ever lets your ex into the house again, or even onto the property, the car is history.

I'm not for burdening children with our own misery, but at 19, your son should be able to handle hearing that it causes you deep angst, fear, sadness and panic when you ex comes into your home, especially so when you're not there. Maybe an analogy would work. "DS, imagine if X (his worst enemy) came into your room when you weren't there. He went through your stuff and poked around. Maybe even took something. That is how I feel about your dad--times 10."

Thanks GG. I'm in a temporary lull from their crap right now. Instead, they are harrassing OWH by not letting him see his daughter as orgininally agreed. He's hired a lawyer and things are getting ugly. So the drama has shifted to his court now. Are you SURE they aren't doing any of this intentionally? It seems they aren't happy unless they are torturing one of us.

My read is that they want to use your pictures against OWH. Why would they even ask about them?
Perhaps they are setting it up as if you and he (OWH) are having an affair.
OWH can see his daughter as much as he wants. He can just go get her. I fell into the trap when my X demanded we do 50/50 and was so scared of him (and had a bad lawyer) that I allowed it. Let OWH deal with his X, but let him know that he's entitled to see his child regardless of what OW says.

It could very well be that they are looking for ammo against OWH in this upcoming custody battle. Right now, she is making it impossible for him to see his DD so that's the reason for the lawyer. I'm not sure how much of this was planned in advance (i.e. the pictures and the baseball crap all happened before this). They haven't done anything that resembles intelligence but I suppose anything is possible.

My DS is 19 and all financial/property issues have been settled and completed. Is there anything - I mean ANYTHING - WH could come back at me for? Or is all of this really just about OW and OWH and they're just using me?

Unless you have a legal document, it's not all settled. But realistically think about what he could come back about.
Are you certain that he has no hidden debt that you will be responsible for?
If you are done, then stay out of the fray.

Yes, I have a legal document signed by both of us. Amongst the legal mumbo-jumbo is a statement to the effect that we are both aware of each other's financial status that is supposed to prevent us from going after anything we find later. Regarding OWH, we share information and moral support, that is all.