krusht-
He has never been on any kind of drugs before, not that I know of. I don't know if the OW is living with him or not, he tends to call me from the house and tells me to call him if I ever need anything. I'm not making payments on the house either, I don't want to get him used to me making the payments while he is living ther?. He was fighting for the house and the cars in court, I actually never thought he was going to end up losing them. I'm not sure if she is influencing him in regards to payments----to my understanding, she was the one who used to buy clothes, jewelry, etc. for him and our son. How can I tell if he is under major addiction/fog? He tends to blame me on everything that has happened, up to this point he has not been able to admit that he was the one who caused major damage to he marriage. I know I wasn't 100% good wife, but I didn't go out and have an A. It seems as if he wants for me to have pity on him and feel sorry for him being alone. No one can sit and talk to him about the situation because he doesn't like to talk about his personal problems with anyone. He e-mails and texts indicating he needs us back in his life but states that we have caused too much pain on each other so we need time(half of me agrees with him but the other half believes he just wants more time to spend with the OW). I know I need NC with him, but I just can't handle it. Every time he e-mails or writes, here I go responding so he knows that he has me where he wants. any suggestions on how I can control that? Thanks Kirk for responding!

Cali,

""It seems as if he wants for me to have pity on him and feel sorry for him being alone. ""

But he is NOT ALONE!! (?)

""Every time he e-mails or writes, here I go responding so he knows that he has me where he wants.""

Block his email from your account..if YOU are serious!

It's like you both are driving your cars toward each other down the 2 lane, playing chicken, hoping the other one will swerve out of the way.

He may be swerving 8 days from now...or maybe not.

kirk

KIRK,
yes, we both think that way....But he was the one who caused major damage due to the A and has not yet asked for forgiveness. Isn't he supposed to swerve, not me?

I think you should write your plan B letter. You can post it here and people will help you with it.

It is a love letter that states your boundaries but also gives him a road map back into the marriage with the criteria that will be acceptable to end this nonsense and keep this family together. Your son needs both his parent together if at all possible. One important point will be your requirement to have him agree to no contact for life with the OW.

GUESS WHAT??????????????????????????????????
I am more disappointed than every, I had a second slap to the face. Remember how I had been indicating that he would send e-mails saying how much he loved me and wanted his family back? Well, he used those e-mails against me in court. He filed for joint custody (he wanted full custody before) He told the court that he had been trying to save his marriage and those were e-mails to prove it. I asked for his help once when my car broke down and he twisted everything around to make it seem that I was bothering him, even when he clearly wrote in the e-mails that if I ever needed anything, he would be there to help me out. Now that I see things, all those kind words, were a bunch of lies, he took advantage of my kindness. I couldn't stop crying all last night. I had hope of saving our marriage but this is a message from God telling me to snap out of it. why go through all this?

I feel so bad, my husband used personal love notes that I had left for him as evidence in the court case.....He is playing so dirty, and unfortunately I still love this man. When am I going to learn? Why is he doing all this? Does he have so much anger against me? I wasn't the one to hold an A, it was him. Is he upset becuse I discovered teh A and exposed it to everyone?

So what happened in court?

Who did you expose the affair to?

My WH wrote a declaration (needs to be submitted before court date which is scheduled for October 23). In it he placed copies of letters I used to write to him, intimate ones, in which I expressed my feelings to him. He also used e-mails that he would write to me in which he expressed his concern for my well being and how much he loved me. He used that to let the court know that he is a concerned individual. That was like a GIGANTIC stab in the back. I never did anything like this, I don't know if the OW might be giving him these ideas or what). He is playing very, very DIRTY! And all along I thought he was in LOVE with me, boy was I wrong. I exposed the A to his work, to his family, and to friends that we had in common. It sucks because he committed the A and he is probably going to end up getting everything that he wants in court. He now changed his story around and wants joint custody instead of full custody. I think he wants only joint because our DS would be an obstacle for him during his dates with the OW. I'm counting the days left for court!

He has been calling the last couple of days wanting for me to talk to his mother, what is he thinking? His mother lives in mexico and has come to visit, but that is no excuse for him to be calling me at work. The lady has been very helpful and nice to me, but with all the things he has been doing in the last couple of days, I don't trust him at all. What if he wants me to talk to his mother to see what information they can get out of me....He is so crazy, fifteen minutes before he called, he e-mailed saying that I needed to take more care of our son because every time he got our son, he had diaper rashes. Big deal, infants get diaper rashes all the time. Its not as if he had bruises or major issues. Why doesn't he just leave me alone? We have court in a couple of days and he has his mother calling me? what is up with this man?