How are you doing these days? Haven't been here in awhile, we had quite a thread going for a time. Did you buy your house? Any cute girls?

Hey,

Saw you were posting and was wondering about you. Appreciate you asking...

I should be closing this week on the town house (can't wait).

I got into a relationship but got out of it. I've really been struggling with trusting myself (to be able to select) and trusting others). I've just sort of sworn it off for now.

My divorce was final a few weeks ago. So be it. As much as I didn't want it, sort of like I said to you a while back I believe, I was effectively divorced already, just didn't have the papers to prove it.

How have you been?

I've been great, just having a down day or two - the ex and kid and you know...

Lost 15 lbs on a diet, been lifting weights, toning up, eating better and staying quite positive for the most part.

Just wish I had the balls to get this divorce over with, it does appear my mom was right about my ex filling my boy's head with "ideas"... he's been divorced and knows the system, and I'm afraid of it. And he's saying he'll move back to my state by winter now so there will be a custody battle. Need to refile and get him to sign papers either willingly or have him served again.

My boy and I are going to a timeshare with my mom at a very cool resort for two weeks. I need a vacation BAD. I'll take some work along but not much.

It must feel good for you to have your divorce final? I was dreaming last night about the feeling of closure that would bring - rather then this limbo/anger thing that comes and goes. Although the anger is less then before.

Are you going to church, you said you are? I moved again and need to find a new church, they are all smaller around here and I feel a bit uncomfortable. We've been driving for my old church but I just sit in back and listen, I don't get involved. I need to get more involved in LIFE again. Isn't it odd how when you are separated/getting a divorce you feel so alienated, like you can't do some of the things you used to? A lot of it's me, there's so many single mom's out there I know that.

I do better in the summer, but winter's around the corner, last winter I hit a depression - that's when you and I were chatting all the time I think. This winter I'm not going down that road. I'm thinking exercise/eating well is really key - as is positive thinking. I can't seem to get my mind back to "positive" though the last week - you gotta admit my ex is a jerk, saying things to my boy, doing it just to make me mad. He wins when I get mad, scared and run from divorce doesn't he? I just have some feeling he's plotting against me - like saying I travel too much, I'm unstable because of it. But my boy wont' be in school for two years, when he's in school it's obvious this will change. But he's always up to something, he's very convincing, I read his emails - he comes across in an amazing manner after all of this muck. I need to stop reading what he's saying, he's such a sick shallow man.

I was gone a week for business and I'm doing laundry, dishes, cleaning etc today. When I get this mess cleaned up I'll feel better.

Glad to hear you are well and moving on... how's your kids?

Wow, you've been doing a lot and doing great...

I've been doing a lot to improve myself but I have been down as of the last few weeks. I don't find where the divorce brought any closure nor is it really what I wanted. I have been improving my health as well.

I am very active at church. I started volunteering in the media group and trained to operate a camera and then trained to be a director (the guy in the little room with all the tv screens that switches back and forth between the camera's and tells them what angles/views to get, etc.). Our church is opening a north campus in a town that is about 20 to 30 miles north of here and they've asked me to take a leadership role with the sound systems there (I used to be head of the sound systems/equipment at another sizable church in my city) for 4 months while they look for and I train and empower a replacement. Additionally, they asked me if I would accept a leadership role in the local church.

I just keep myself super busy and then I don't have time to think about everything else. With all the furniture shopping and getting ready to move, etc. I have been incredibly busy. Fall Semester started today so that adds yet one more thing to it. And business has been better than ever. For last month, my self employment made an income equal to about 75% of my take home from my traditional W2 employer. I also got my life insurance sales/producer license. I am not that interested in selling insurance, but I am working on my securities license now and that is sort of a pre-cursor to it.

I don't want to take a job doing that full time because I'd have to do a lot of cold calling, etc. but will do it as a hobby/part-time on an independent agency basis. I have a fair number of people that come to me for financial advice.

So as you can imagine, I'm busy as could be...

My boys are doing okay. They still talk about their step-brothers and step-mother all the time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />. But I just try to keep them busy too and they do better when I do that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. We do stuff together every weekend whether its just going to the park or going shopping or movies or just spending an afternoon together. They love to read just the same as I do so we're known to all sit in a room and read for an hour or two. It's absoulutely wonderful.

That doesn't mean I'm all fine. I still have my ups and downs and though I've been up more and more lately, when I get hit I can get really really down. But I'm managing.

I'm terrified of relationships right now so I figured a season without that for now would be the only choice. I just can't bring myself to trust anyone at this point in time. I know it's a hangup about me and not about the people I'm seeing, but its there none the less.

Oh, the other night I got on one of those yahoo singles sites just browsing, scared me to death. Some guy flirted with me at Starbucks, asked me to join his gym and I freaked out. Another guy was asking if I was single and I said married, which I am on paper alone. What happens after you've been burnt like this? For me it's my first divorce, must be worse on divorce three? Can you believe my ex all over single sites and out dating like it's "nothing?" Emailing an ex girlfriend, well just tell me when you're single again - he just needs someone, anyone it seems. No way for me, I'm going to be so incredibly particular when I do get to that point.

I suppose if you've been burnt over and over again trust will be especially hard, my ex, divorced twice when I met him went on and on about "protecting himself from me" while we were dating. And he took out his past on me while we were married, I don't even think it was "me" that he was hammering on, it was all of his baggage. My mom was preaching to me tonight about forgiveness and letting go of baggage. My dad died of cancer two years ago, she said just think cancer, life is too short to hang on isn't it? But easier said then done. Yoga and relaxing music was really helping me - my latest thing is serious weight training - I absolutely love it, but I need to do my 20 minute yoga at night, it really was helping.

That's great about church for you. Your church sounds like such a good one, so supportive when you went through what you did. Wish I could find one like that. The one I go to is "ok", it's bigger, the preacher doesn't even talk to anyone and then the congregation does the same - reflects him I think - they just come and go, don't really interact. It's a shame, far cry from "support" that so many people need today. But I could do my part and go to sunday school or bible studies.

I'm with you on staying busy - I have been expanding my business, I moved and haven't had much time to think. The divorce never proceeded, I didn't even have time to get the financials the attorney needed. So sick as it is, while we are at a resort from this Sat on, I'll be doing taxes and financials, and filling out paperwork for an attorney. We filed an extension on taxes together so hopefully it'll be my last filing with him, he'll have too cooperate to get through that. Then it's back to big D time.

Winter scares me, I won't be as busy. I think maybe I'll join the health club again, or fiind some church groups to do especially at night. Last winter I was so depressed and I'm not going down that road again. It's already almost Sept and I can't believe it, this summer flew by. It'll be nice to end it with a beautiful resort in the mountains. I have a new bicycle, so does my boy, and we go for hours so we'll bring that along. I plan on hiking, working out and making it a fit vacation. I'm in a slump this week and fitness seems to always work, heck there's even stats if you are depressed it does better then drugs.

I can't believe all your business and school ambitions. One thing about insurance is this - it's not just cold calling anymore. You can buy leads from some of the major websites that sell insurance leads. I met an insurance guy at a coffee shop one day that told me about his business. That's all it is anymore, I think he pays like $20 per lead, sits on the phone, works at home and I believe makes a ton of money. He used to hate cold calling days and now this is all he does for leads and a lot of them pan out. I'm going to focus harder on expanding my sales, I'm going to try to double them this next year in my business - good thing I didn't do it before divorce as he'd try to go after my business right? My business is about the same in sales as when I met him as I had so much going on with sickness in the family, baby, separation... but I'll be ready to go for it again. How do y ou do it all? I've thought of going back to school but can't seem to sign up for a class.

Good to hear you are well,

Hehehe, I'm probably not the person to be offering advice here...

I thought I was doing the "so incredibly picky" with my third wife. Turns out I was just as blind as any time before it. I saw the things that would validate what I thought about her and missed the things which could have clued me in that I might be wrong.

The church I go to is large, but our pastor is very humble. He doesn't have time on his hands to get to know everyone there, but they do life groups (small groups, cell groups, whatever you want to call them) and they are very friendly. When you walk in the door, if you're a new face you are almost mobbed by people anxious to meet you. But not in a spooky way. But for pastoring a large church, he would stop on the side of the road and help a stranger out and mess up his suit rather than pass them by.

I'm not sure how I find the time for everything. Actually, I've really been shaking and moving in the last month which is impacting my sleep negatively. I think I am averaging around 3 hours a night with a big crash on Sunday afternoons. But I'm at a point where I'm just so busy and have so much going on I can't sleep even if I wanted to.

On the insurance side of things, the Series 6 license will allow me to do mutual funds, annuities, etc. which I am most interested in. I have a lot of people that come to me to ask for help with their retirement planning, savings, etc. They do this just because they know I love those topics (I've never been employed anywhere near that stuff) and they know I'm honest and trustworthy. If someone is served better by a product I don't offer, I'd rather send them to the right company than sell what I do offer just to make a commission. There are plenty of things more important than the commission. In the end though, I figure I've been giving this information away freely for years, why not be able to service these people directly and make a few dollars off of it too.

But then again, my passion for the law is much the same. I'm not interested in being a lawyer for the money. Actually, the legal field is heavily saturated where I'm at and I know quite a few starving attorneys. I just love the topics and people just naturally trust me and come to me for that kind of info. Of course my knowledge of it right now is very limited. I've done some paralegal freelance work and written a few briefs to various courts and appeals courts. I have a fair working knowledge for family law and certain processes in the state that I live in. But I'm definitely no expert on the topic.

But my drive has always been spectacular at times. But I also go through periods where I just want to rest and observe for a bit. I reassess. You know the only info I got from my third ex was that "I used to be so ambitious". I think she fell in love with the drive and my accomplishments and my successes in some ways (not that I'm that spectacularly successful). Then we had problems and I backed off some of that stuff to focus on us. The problems got worse and I became depressed and I literally put everything but work and basic school progress on hold. I think sometimes that's what she meant.

But that was in a short 10 months. I tend to cycle back and forth. I get a year or so of the kind of aggressive push that you see right now and then I sit back for 3 to 6 months and then I hit another spell of the real aggressive push. I can accomplish so much in those pushes. But I'm not a deadbeat during the 3 to 6 months. I've always maintained a job, etc.

To be honest though, I don't know if that's really what it was or not, but that's the only words ever uttered from her mouth about dissatisfaction with me and all I can go on. As you can tell, I still do a lot of trying to figure it out. I suppose I'll never know. So I'll just keep myself so busy I don't have time to think about it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You crash and burn like me, push too hard then go down exhausted. Not a good life strategy actually. Perhaps all of this makes you feel successful - avoiding relationships? Balance is key. I know it but can't do it myself either. I think my ex liked my drive and that I could work, make money too. But he was right about my highs and lows and that I would focus too much at times on work/success. There are a lot of attorneys out there but surely you could find a niche. I dont' see you you can survive with so little sleep. You will burn yourself out more and more as you get older, I'm almost 40 now and can't do what I did in my 20s and even early 30s. Have to exercise, eat right, get sleep, I don't recover as well. I drove 10 hour days for a week on business and I'm beat. Going to hire more help and not push so hard. Don't miss out on "life" working and going to school, for a period it's "ok" but not for life.

Yeah, I know the pattern, I've been through it many many times...

I also know that I can't keep going at the pace I'm going indefinitely. But when I'm in these states, I don't know how to get out of them and I can't sleep because my wheels are literally turning around the clock. I actually have a sleep aid, but I've got to take it when I have a full 8 to 9 hours to sleep and most nights even if I slept the maximum hours I can, it would be a little less than 8 because of how busy my schedule is.

I deliberately lightened up my load as soon as I got married because I wanted my new wife to be the center of my world, not work and I was well aware in advance that the schedule I keep when I'm single is not compatible (at least not in a reasonable way) with married life.

Anyway, I don't want to go down that road of thought right now. I'll just keep going until I can't go anymore.

As to avoidance, I'm definitely avoiding relationships right now. I think that makes it worse. Since I'm not actively seeking, the only thing left are women who will make the first move. I actually like that very much but because all three of my prior wives made the first moves in our relationships, I'm terrified to death that perhaps there is a personality/compatibility conflict between me and the types of women that would make the first move.

That doesn't mean I'm afraid to or don't pursue women. It's just the one's I've been most attracted to are the ones that I perceived as knowing what they wanted and being determined/willing enough to try to get it. Of course each of those women also fit the subconcious rescuer model that I think I struggle with. That's kind of an interesting combination of personalities actually. Someone who is aggressive in the dating world but struggling in life. Maybe there's a clue there that I was missing, I don't know.

Anyway, I'm thinking some time to focus on me is the most healthy thing right now. The problem of course is that I keep myself so busy that I can rarely reflect on me even at the moment.

What you are saying is scary actually, relying on drugs to sleep? Your mind racing. Unable to get time for yourself. Staying so busy to prevent yourself from dealing with emotional issues. Leaving it to unhealthy women to chase you. Workaholism isn't the answer. You are younger then me but believe me when you are racing around like this life is going to go fast, and you'll have regrets when you look back 5 and 10 years from now. At the least you'll continue to lose your health and you already said you have major issues. Stress, no sleep, eating bad, not addressing issues...

I have some ideas on sleeping. Establish a nightly routine - get off the computer and don't watch late night tv, especially depressing news shows. Do a yoga or stretching routine. Drink some tea. Meditate. Candles. Take a bath. Find a way to shut work and ideas out of your head so they don't continue to eat you alive. Ideas are great but peace and quiet will help you find balance. There's natural herbs that help with sleep and relaxation, I'm sure you know long term sleeping pills are horrible for your health, and addictive.

Perhaps you really need to write a list of goals, prioritize, figure out which is most important to you. David Allen's Getting Things Done is a top selling book that is quite helpful - he says the goal is to operate in a state of peace of mind, like an athlete. You get more done that way then spinning out of control, trying to do too much. Sounds like you are addicted to adrenaline and stress, I used to be that way and have to work hard to be balanced. Still I repeat some of the habits, take on so much I'm superhuman only to burn out. Crashes aren't any fun. Highs and lows aren't really worth it. Maybe you need to force yourself to just have some quiet times, ideas above, walks, hikes, whatever...

I agree with most of what you said...

I don't take the sleeping pills often. In fact its been months since the last time I took a dose. I was just mentioning that I have them. I haven't refilled the prescription since sometime in 2006 and still have some left. My doctor gave them to me and occassionally I use them when I'm really really tired and can't sleep but have the time to get a good nights rest.

The mind racing thing has been something I've had since I was a kid. I would say it's more just being anxious and excited than racing. When I start getting ideas and actually working on them the ideas just flow and flow faster than I can put them to paper most of the time. It's not so much that they flow so fast I can't record them, it's that I'll think of 3 or 4 solutions to a problem and start working the details of and refining a single solution and I get so far down the line with that I have to go back and think about the original problem to rediscover the other 2 or 3 remaining solutions that I need to explore.

Anyway, I agree in a lot of the points. I do think in a way that once I get moved in and settled down things will let up a lot for me. My self employment income is near the point where I can quit my traditional w2. I want to build a little cushion first and get a few things situated before I do that. It's likely to happen very soon because I'm working on a contract that will double the income that I'm taking in right now. Though I hate to branch out with so much of my income from a single contract but understand too that I'm putting in maybe 10/hrs week on business and nearing the same income that I make full time (50 hours) for a major corporation.

You know a lesson I had to learn last time I was self employed was to trust others and delegate. I was doing 60 - 80/hrs a week at one point when I was building the business. But eventually it did so well that I needed an assistant. I started moving more and more stuff into his responsibility that I eventually had to hire someone to help him. At the tail end of it, I was working an average of 2 hours per day or about 10 hours per week. But it took me a long time to get to that point.

Anyway, I'm just rambling now, but sometimes getting thoughts out is a good thing. Other perspectives are great as well, thanks!!!

I wish I could figure out how to work 10 hours a week, have you read the book four hour week or something like that? I'm doing rediculous tedious work, burning myself out in business and there's no reason for it. I'm losing money as I get tired and can't focus on sales. I have a stack of calls to return from the past two days, just was too beat. I need an assistant even two times a week, but it means I have to move my business out of my home. I moved it home four years ago when I was pregnant and my one employee still helps online but I miss having 1-2 assistants coming and going, keeps me motivated, plus I don't feel so isolated as working at home.

That's great that you are working out self employment before quitting your job. Most people don't pull that off, they go in debt and for years, or businesses fail. My mind races too, when I get in the mode of problem solving or figuring things out I have to work then and there too or I "lose" the ideas.

My boy put a truck tire up his nose, would you believe we had to sit at an emergency room for that? Last summer he did the same with a rock. Little boys do this they say, but man, a two hour wait with crazies... I'm beat and rambling too.

Oh wow, a truck tire in the nose... haven't had that one happen but I've had my share of the waits in the emergency room with 3 boys.

It wasn't an easy road getting to 10 hours a week. It's a long story, but I started out part time like I am doing right now. I built it up. The job I had in Seattle was real nice but after 9/11 their work dried up and they had to outsource support operations. There was no more need for a Director of Technical Support so I was effectively laid off. I did stay on with him as a consultant and assisted him in managing the outsourced support operations. By that point, my self employment was enough to live on. It was a big step down from what I was making but I've always been fairly humble. I don't need to be rich or have lots of money. I was happy on $28k w/ wife and kids at one point (I can be incredibly frugal). The time change made a major difference in my business though. I went from work on the business daily from 6-9 PM after I got off of work to putting in a 40 hour week. In under 30 days I had doubled the business and was doing great and fairly comfortable. A few months later, the participation in the outsourced operations with my prior employer ended and I was doing fine. Over the next year again I doubled it again and reached six figures annual from the home business. Life was very comfortable then but even with the nice pay, I was living a fairly meager life (as I do today as well).

Anyway, where I was going is that with the business doubled over, my time required was getting more and more. Since I did web automation programming at that time, it was easy for me to identify the time saps and program automated solutions to handle them. I managed to stay a 1 man operation for quite a while. But customer/user support (actual human responses) could not be automated and was consuming more and more time.

One of my friends introduced me to a guy who didn't have any marketable skills above entry level but was rather intelligent and very interested in my business. He just sort of stuck to me and soaked up every word and ounce of advice. I spent a lot of time working out of coffee houses and he would always come up and sit with me and want to know more about things I was doing and learn.

The funny thing is, he was so eager to learn and improve himself but he doesn't have the entrepreneurial drive. He's quite happy working for someone else. I guess it's just a personality thing. Anyway, so when I realized I was spending more and more time doing support and could not come up with way to automate it any better than I already had done (I was supporting over 250,000 users by myself so I had already automated a lot of it). I had never even thought about hiring someone.

He offered to help me with it. I asked him what he would need (pay) and he said he really hadn't thought about it. I basically decided to offer him $2/hr more than he could get working for local businesses with his skills. Later, as I added benefits for myself, I would add them for him as well even though he was part time. At one point we joked about him having more benefits than he got pay. He had a retirement plan (completely company funded), cell phone allowance, dsl reimbursement, insurance and all sorts of stuff. But he'd get these tiny pay checks for 10 or 15 hours of work. Looking back, it was pretty humerous actually. But he was never really in it for the money.

I continued to put in 60 - 80/hrs a week until finally I realized I was making plenty of money and could easily afford to pay him for other tasks. At that point he had proven himself as loyal and having a real good work ethic and eager to learn, etc. He really did watch my back in so many ways. Eventually as he grew, he got to where he worked full time. By that point I had automated more things and had it down to where it didn't require much work or effort on my part at all.

I would start each day chatting with him about what I wanted done and where I saw the business going and we'd toss ideas around, ect. I would write the deals and make decisions and handle accounting/office stuff. I planned out projects and programmed them. He pretty much did EVERYTHING else. I got to the point where that was 2 hours a day for me and 40 hours a week for him.

After my divorce destroyed the business, he watched me launch another one. He offered to work for free but I couldn't in good concious accept that offer so I kept reminding him that as soon as I could hire him again I would. I got that business up to supporting my financial needs in a matter of a few months. Then there was no movement in my divorce for a while so I countersued and won. That changed the property separation date to the date I filed instead of the date she filed. Ultimately, this caught the second business in the divorce and it was quickly destroyed as well.

I started a third time but in about 3 months I got to around 60% of my cash flow needs to live on and ran out of reserves. I was so burned on the redoing it several times and losing the original successful business that I decided I just needed stability and went to work for a major corporation (where I'm still at today).

It has taken several years to truly get to the point where I'm motivated to get out now.

Have you thought about trying to take on an assistant or helper? Remember, my guy started out as an entry level person who was just really interested and committed and had great work ethics. I took him under wing and built him up. He became worth more and more to me, but I groomed him to do that.

After my businesses fell apart, I assisted him in starting his own business. He got it to where he was self sufficient. Unfortunately, he doesn't have the drive that I do. He has managed to stay afloat and to support himself but hasn't really grown it like he could have if he really put his heart into it. To this day he reminds me every so often that he looks forward to working for me again. And I will be happy to hire him the day I need someone.

An interesting turn of fates is that after I helped him launch out on his own and made sure he could sustain it, I bowed out and just talked with him and consulted and gave my opinions freely when he would ask. He later ended up hiring me on a contract/consultant basis to assist with some automation and programming that he couldn't do on his own. We joke about that to. We have remained in touch and he would happily work for me today for free if I would let him, but as I noted above, I just can't see letting someone work for me who isn't getting paid.

Anyway, I'm ranting once again. When I write stuff like this, I always go back and read it after I post it and then again a few days later. I am amazed at the things I discover about myself as I go back and read the stuff I wrote out just days earlier. I enjoy chatting though and it gives me a lot to think about. As you can tell, I'm full of thoughts right now. The fact that I type really fast is dangerous because it allows me to shell out very long responses like this one :P (poor you reading all my rambling).

You haven't said much about your business (not that I've seen anyway). What sort of work are you doing?

I was still married when I worked from home. After my divorce started and I was doing business, I would very frequently go to coffee shops just to get out of the house.

I only had 2 employees total at the end of the most successful business. I let them both work from their homes. Fortunately for me, the work I had them doing, it was very easy for me to quantify it and know if they were working or goofing off. I lucked out and ended up with 2 wonderful employees and never had any problems. I don't know if your business lends itself to that sort of arrangement, but if it does, that's always something to think about.

Anyway, I'm still rambling so I'll stop here for now :P

I do have three "contract" assistants that work out of their own homes. When I was pregnant I sent one home and she still works for me, the other two have helped me out for four years as well. I pay them double what I would in my office, they get paid per piece not by the hour. I miss having an office coworkers to keep me motivated, but actually this is fine.

I don't see how you lost your businesses during divorces? I've managed to "maintain" mine although I've got to admit without the stress, and with support on the homefront I likely would have doubled my own business by now. I was hammered on with my dad's slow death to cancer, a baby, a separation, and trying to build my life up again from nothing - I didnt' take furniture or anything with me, just business stuff, some clothes and my boy 2-1/2 years ago (of course you know the story of how I've cracked his emails and he's whining to everyone that I "cleaned him out" when I backed out of the divorce too due to the stress and crooked attorneys).

So I wasn't giving as good of service to customers as I could have. I still don't as I work a lot with a three year old boy at home, he goes to daycare sometimes but I can't focus like when I had an office and office support. I'm wondering lately about virtual secretaries. Having someone learn my business and make some calls for me. But like you I'd have to start someone out gradually then work it into more of a job. How do you advertise a job like that? Or find someone I don't know. I've thought of putting a local ad in calling it "personal assistant" but requiring some computer skills. I know it's hard to find someone to work on this basis but you are right if it's the right person it's amazing how you can grow. I'm at the point that if I don't delegate I won't grow, and I'll lose some customers.

I too go to coffee shops to get out of the house, I hadn't thought of that, having an assistant meet just at coffee shops, maybe someone is open to that. A home business is odd, but I met an insurance guy who works at home and has someone come to his home business to file/organize two afternoons a week so he can focus more on sales. I live in an area where there aren't a lot of jobs and help is fairly cheap but I wonder if that would make someone uncomfortable or not? Does it matter if they are getting paid? I'm with you, I've always paid $2 or so over other larger companies for good help, sometimes even more - like now hiring help that works at home. If you are a small business you almost have to, or they'll go somewhere else don't you think?

Anyways my assistants now have been quite loyal, I don't know if it's me or what. Most people "can't" work for themselves like your assistant, they can't motivate themselves and aren't crazy enough. I think being an entrepreneur takes a personality with adventure, a lot of work and some skills - seeing the bigger picture, dreaming, pushing, you name it. I've been self employed since I was 23 years old, I had one job two days since then and it didn't work out. I'm having to make some business changes lately and I've been whining but the truth is I need to just rearrange how I'm doing things and get some more help so I can focus on new growth which I'm good at. It's like some catch 22 anymore, seems like business are either small (and the most efficient) or they are large, it's the inbetween that's very hard. Thus those of us that work at home or with a few contract assistants who enjoy the flexibility, etc.

I dont' understand how you went from web design to securities to insurance to being an attorney though... I wonder if you need to focus in on one thing to excell?

You mentioned about how a business could be lost in a divorce. Let me paint a quick picture.

Business is grossing about $25,000/mo of which about 50% is profit. I have $70,000 in cash on hand. Wife files for divorce and files a petition that alleges that all of the business assets and accounts should be frozen becuase she believes that I would alienate her from them and liquidate them without benefit to her. With no proof other than her saying she believes I would do that, the court grants and freezes all accounts. Of the $70,000 on hand, about $30,000 went to attorneys, about $20,000 was available to me and about $20,000 was tied up in frozen accounts.

So I tried to keep the business floating. Sales (mostly via credi card) were being deposited into a frozen account that I could not draw off of at all. So I paid out of pocket from the $20,000 I had left to keep the business afloat. It took only 2 months to exhaust the $20,000. I still had sales coming in with funds going to frozen accounts but no cash available or way to pay business expenses and keep operating.

I hired two attorneys, one to represent me and one to represent the business solely regardless of my personal desires or interests. The attorney representing the business made multiple attempts to get the accounts unfrozen. We told the judge several times that in 3 months time there would be no business left if they weren't unfrozen.

When the cash I had on hand dried up, the business was unable to deliver on it's sales. A month later, in it's defunct state, a Chicago operation contacted me and offered me $500,000 plus $120,000 annual salary for 3 years to assist with transitioning the takeover for the business. We offered my wife $250,000 in cash to sign the necessary things to allow me to sell the business. That was a distressed sale really given that I had 3 years of 5 - 10% month over month sales growth (phenomenal growth rate, we were more than doubling every year).

In the end, my wife and I both ended up with nothing/nada. The $100k or so that was in the business account had to cover a lot of refunds once I couldn't deliver, etc. It reimbursed expenses, attorney's fees beyond that initial retainers and ultimately the disolution of the business.

It wasn't a pretty picture. I think my wife's attorney saw $$$ when he found out what I was making. They subpoena'd my business bank account statements, etc. When I brought them to my attorney, he called her attorney and said "you can come over and use my copier to make them but bring 6 - 7 reams of paper. I'm not mailing 3000+ pages of bank records.

From what I understand now (my first wife and I occassionally talk) is that her attorney freaked when he found out it was 3000+ pages. He advised her that he needed to hire a forensic accountant and it would cost her several thousand dollars out of pocket. She couldn't come up with the money and he quit helping her. Unfortunately, we couldn't even get a response from him or her when we were offering the $250,000. In the end, nothing/nada.

But she didn't quite reason well (severe bi-polar). This is the woman that couldn't understand that I could earn a living working from home. She took a part time job in a fast food restaurant against my wishes. Her total monthly take home was around $600 which barely covered her vehicle note alone. She was so out of touch with reality at that point that she stood in court and said I was a bum and she was tired of working and supporting me while I sat on my butt at home. The judge asked her, "Mrs. XXXXX, you listed here that rent is $1400/mo, your car note is $650/mo, ...." and then asked her if we were behind on that stuff (total monthly expenses were about $5,000. He then asked her "and you are claiming you make $600/mo take home? He then asked her and your rent and car note and this and that were all paid on time?" He proceeded to lecture her on grade school math and on how she could not possibly be supporting me if those were our expenses and we weren't behind on anything and her income was only $600.

I tried very hard while we were married to get her interested enough to just know what I did for a living. I don't think to this day she could tell you. Her reality was that you had to get dressed and get in the car and go somewhere else to have a job and she simply could not comprehend that it was possible for me to earn a living from home (despite the fact she enjoyed the fruits of my work).

On the web design, insurance/securities, attorney question, I don't do web design (I subcontract that). I do web automation programming. I create the functionality behind websites (what actually makes them work). Someone else creates the pretty design. I had done jobs for insurance companies for example that wanted a customer to be able to log in and look at a policy and make a payment online. Not the pretty, but functional.

On the finance issue, I've always been very interested in finance. The only reason I didn't go into that as a career is because I wasn't interested in the cold calling side of it which is usually the start of a broker type career.

On the legal side of things, I'm a natural debator at heart and a philosopher as well. That makes a dangerous combination and law is a side where you can actually use those skills. The legal system fascinates me. The only reason I didn't go to college to prep to be a lawyer when I was 17 and started college the first go round is becuase I looked at the required classes and saw it needed a lot of english and at that time I didn't like to read or write. I based my decision to pass on law as a career completely on that item alone (the infinite wisdom of a 17 year old who then turned around and married while he was 17 too). Need I say more???

Technology, finance and legal/law/philosophy just happen to all be passions. I don't do a single one of them for the money alone or even as a primary motivator. I just love all 3 topic areas. I have always been broad and diverse.

My ex thought I sat at home doing nothing too, I guess people have that impression of someone running a home business. I'm sure there's lots of us out there that do quite well with a low overhead. Entrepreneurs are driven, ideas go like crazy, I suppose we aren't "normal" to live with emotionally or otherwise.

Sorry, I've been out for a while. I closed on the town house on Thursday. Then it's been dealing with furniture deliveries, the movers, starting pest control, cleaning, doing fix up around the place, shopping, etc.

But, the place came together real nicely. I love my new furniture. I got a russian blue kitten (grey in color) because they boys have been begging for a pet and the cat is extremely friendly and playful with kids. It's got a great personality in that it loves to be held and will sit still or be held for half an hour at a time or more (which I find unusual for kittens).

Anyway, so that's had me extremely busy. Everyone who has come in so far has absolutely fallen in love with the place. My deer friend from work is brutally honest and very picky and not only did she love it but she has since brought 3 of our mutual friends by just to see it. I wasn't seeking anyone else's approval, but it feels good to know that people like it. I love it and that's really all that matters.

Anyway, how is your little one and everything else going?