We have dated for over two years. I never really talked about commitment cause we saw each other every day. I guess I just assumed it. I finally sold my house that was too big for just me and moved in with her. Anyway on our 3 year aniversity we committed our lives to each other and all was wonderful. We set a date for our wedding which is just days away.

I found out that last week she had a weak moment with her X-husband who had to come over to her house to get something. They were together/married for over 25 years. They ended up having a last whatever you want to call it (fling). Is this a sign she will cheat on me in the future or was it just closing the book on an old part of her life.

She did admit that her and her-X did have some encounters right during the start of our dating. But back then for 6 months she has very up front with me and told me she would never marry again and want to just date.

But love did change her and she has been very faithful to me for these last 6 months since we got engagged. Advice anyone? Should I run or should I stay? If it was anyone but the X I would be gone for sure.

But I do remember when I got divorced I wanted to see if anything was left for my X-wife one last time after we both started seeing other people after we seperated. At that time I was not seeing anyone nor her. But is this the same thing? I know that some people or weaker than others and this man did have a way of control over her. They have been seperated/divorced for almost 5 years.

What do you all think?

I'm confused. How did you learn that she had "flung" with the ex? Did she tell you, or did you find out on your own and press her for answers?

[edited to add...] I just clarified for myself that the incident was very recently. Sounds like a bachelorette party. If I were you, I'd back out of the wedding for awhile until you are sure it is you she loves, and that she isn't going to be fence sitting.

If the feelings they have for each other are still there, the temptation to do it again might be too much to resist.
Wait. Wait and see.
Are you worried that they aren't done with their relationship yet?

This happend last week while I was at work. I'll just say I had hard evidence and that she denid at first but soon admitted what happend.

Years ago when she just started seeing me she also admitted to being with him a few times but we were not committed then. But nothing for several years until last week.

STOP THE MARRAIGE NOW!!!!

This happend last week while I was at work. I'll just say I had hard evidence and that she denid at first but soon admitted what happend.
_____________________

The fact that she denied it at first is reason for concern.
this is not soemthing to make light of.
i would put the wedding on hold,if i were you.

Yes, I am concerned by her denial at first also. I can handle alot in life if people are at least honest with me. Maybe if I would have approached her better when I confronted her it would have been different.

Probably not, Blueskier, because she was ashamed of what she did and didn't want to hurt you and didn't want you to get angry with her. I cut people a little slack if they at first lie about something like that provided they quickly come clean and fess up, which it seems your fiance did.

However, hooking up with an ex-spouse days for the wedding seems off to me. I would not get married yet. If nothing else, you both need to seriously evaluate the relationship you had because it may not be what you thought it was.

I do believe my approach was bad and she did quickly deny it. I put alot more detail in the "just found out.." thread that puts more light to the suject.

First of all, I am sorry that you are going through this difficult time! We are all on this blog because we all have problems, but no one is offering words of encouragement here.

There is a lot of history her her and her x. 25 years is a long time to be with someone. By that point, people are bonded for a lifetime. What was the reason for their divorce? Could she have been using you to make her x jealous? Women are strange like that!

I would not recommend jumping into marriage. Make her feel the possibility of losing you. If she doesn't get startled, don't marry her at all. If is truly is sorry and this was just a rage of hormones, WORK WORK WORK on your relationship before your marriage license is signed. If she was with him because of possible recindling of love with him, RUN, RUN, RUN.

My advice is probably flawed, becasue of personal biases, and opinions based on own experience. People on these posts can offer emotinal and spiritual support, and something soothing for the aching heart, but it's difficult for someone to make an accurate assessment on your specific situation and offer an appropriate plan of action.

Oksana thanks for the good words. Yes they were together so long that you have some lifetime bond. I was married for 20+ years myself and will always have a soft spot for my X-wife even with what happened.

I do beleive that what happened was because of the 25+ year bond knowing it's the end of an era. And no she does not want him back at all. She left him long before me cause of his controlling and abusive person he was. She couldn't take it anymore.

Also our ralationship is not a rebound by either one of us. Both of us had other relationshps before this one after our divorces.

Not even married yet and she's ALREADY lying to you. Sex with another before you even walk to the Altar together. I believe I'd seriously put all wedding plans ON ICE for an indefinite period of time and see what kind of behaviour she does from here............
JMHO
S-TDL