sorry you are going through this. i definately recommend caution. that sucks she was doing something for HIS sake and not your sake.

Blue, I'm really not trying to be a thorn in your side. I have an idea, and my feelings won't be hurt if you aren't interested:

Your wedding is coming up soon...

Cancel the vows part. Call the church, tell them it has been postponed. Call ALL the guests, tell them there has been a change of plans: please head directly to the reception. (It would be up to you to disclose facts as you see fit. Although, some might see it as misleading to give you gifts if you were not truly wed... ) At a later date, either get married in a quiet ceremony or return the gifts. It preserves some of the more expensive arrangements, and gives you time to absorb what has happened. Just a thought.

blueskier,

Are you retarded? Your WW cheated on you 10 days before your wedding date, and you are still seriously considering marrying her and not even postponing the wedding? Do you know why your xW cheated on you four times? Because you allowed her just like you are allowing your fiancee to cheat. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I'm trying to prevent you from doing something incredibly stupid.

Interesting that she was able to remain faithful to him, a poor husband and verbal abuser, and not to you, her fiance who loves and trusts her.

At any rate, the wedding is ruined. I'm like JL, I can't imagine it having any meaning at all after her behavior. You need to postpone it, or you will always look back and regret marrying her so soon after her betrayal. You are probably still in shock from this like most of us were, and not making very good decisions.

Blueskier,

He did not want to see her "enhancements" from a "medical standpoint"! No matter how much he begged her, she should have been thinking of you and not him.

Don't marry her. I think you should move out asap and begin the process of getting over this one. She's bad news, dude!

Think about this:

Has even one poster here, just one, given you the advise to stay?

None of us have any emotion or vested interest in this situation. We are all providing opinions based solely on experience, logic, and common sense.

Please take this advise! Drop this one like a bad habit.

The choice is yours: Hurt a little bit now or a lot, later.

Blueskier,
I am very sorry to hear what you are going through. I wouldn't wish this feeling of betrayal on anyone.

That being said, you need to try and think about this dispassionately. Your wife was alone with her XH. He asked if he could see her boob job. She showed it to him. My guess is that next he asked to see if they feel real and she accepted again, and it snowballed from there.
She says that she did not expect anything to happen.
This part is very important...Contradictions DONT exist.

Her story makes absolutely no sense. Either she wanted something to happen, or her judgment is so phenomenally bad that you need to evaluate whether you want to tie your life to a person such as this. It doesn't matter whether they were married once and he has seen them before. It only matters that they are divorced now and she has NO BUSINESS showing them to any man but you.

You are making excuses for her, because you are blinded by love and your desire to reclaim how you felt prior to this happening. I'm sorry to say this and I don't mean to be overly harsh, but it sounds like you permit the women in your life to walk all over you. You are doing just that by not postponing or cancelling the marriage here. You are not holding her accountable for her actions, and hence there is no real lesson learned on her part.

I'm not telling you to end the relationship, but at the very least, for your own sake, delay the wedding while you go to counseling. She should not get a "get out of jail" free card and get to marry you in a few days. Actions have consequences and if this happened 10 days before the wedding, your relationship is in dire peril.

ChrisBlues and Adnrew,
Thanks for the good and thoughtful words. It does seem that 50% say run forest run and the other 50% say atleast hold up on the wedding.

Yes Andrew one of my biggest things I'm dealing with is holding her accountable for her actions by at least delaying the wedding. I was thinking for at least 1 year.

Actually our relationship up to this point was really very great for the last 6 months since we committed ourselves to each other. But even before that it was good over the last 3+ years, rarely argue, always thinking of each other etc.

Just not sure and that is why I'm here....

My then-girlfriend and I were the exact same way for 3 years and for the 6 months of marriage up until the moment I found out she was having an affair.

Those good memories make it very difficult to walk away when it seems like its an isolated incident. My advice to you though is to look out for yourself right now. Delay the marriage because it is the best thing to protect you, emotionally, right now. Do not be concerned with her feelings or how embarassed she might be if you delay the wedding. She wasn't concerned with your feelings when she slept with her ex-husband.

If she really loves you and wants to move forward, she should not object to you delaying the wedding while the two of you try and work this out. And if she turns on you for delaying, you just got your incontrovertible proof that she isn't wife material.

Because your relationship wasn't nearly as good as you thought it was. It might have been great for you, but it obviously wasn't as important to your fiancee who hooked up with her ex just days before you wedding. Don't pretend this just "happened." That's like saying, "whoops, she just fell on a d*ck." Baloney. She knew what she was doing, and she CHOSE to cheat on you. DO NOT LET HER GET AWAY WITH IT! Otherwise, you are her doormat for life, and she's free to cheat on you without consequence just like your XW.

Are you seriously showing it's OK for your GF to whip out her jugs at any request from a guy to see them?

ROTFLMAO

RUN FORREST RUN

Rare arguments is not always a sign of a good relationship. It could also be a sign of conflict avoidance. It could be that your fiancee's way of dealing with conflict is to simply avoid it. Perhaps a result of a previous relationship with an abusive H?

"Always thinking of each other" - how do you know what she was actually thinking? Do you think she was thinking of you when she chose to have sex with her XH 10 days before her wedding?

Based on what you've said so far, I don't believe her infidelity was just a one-time slip-up. I think it's more likely that what you're seeing of her is only what she wants you to see, not the "true" her, not the "real" her. Dishonesty and conflict-avoidance at work. Bear in mind I'm speaking from my own personal experience, so I might be a bit biased in that regard.

My advice is still to walk away - this woman is not M-material, and the years you waste with her are years that could be spend developing a relationship with someone else who is truly M-material for you. However, if you do decide to stay, I say call off the wedding indefinitely, move out (M's have a higher risk of failure if the spouses were living together before getting M'd), and get to work on learning who you're really involved with (assuming that she'll allow you to, or course).

Dear blue!

I am sorry for your pain and the difficult position you find yourself in.

But, you should know that this pain is peanuts compared to what you will feel 6 years down the line if there is a repeat.

I amaze me that you seem to accept the implication that it was OK for her to show off her brests for "medical curiosity" and that the problem is what happened afterwards. There are limits to how naive one can claim to be and still be given credibility. If you drive 150 miles/hour down a busy city street, could you then claim innocence to the resulting disaster?

A driver is supposed to be proactive to prevent accidents. Likewise a man or a woman in a committed relationship is supposed to be proactive to prevent improper behavior or situations that can develop into "something". When she showed him her breasts it was in my book already an act of betrayal. She should not have been alone with him in the first place. Her claim of loosing control is not credible. She had then willingly placed herself in an improper situation where this was the most likely outcome. Her claim of naivety is not credible.
Without a MAJOR turnaround your relationship follows a receipt for future pain.

Does she now have a plan on how to stay fateful to you in the future? Is she now truely remorseful?

I am amazed that you would consider continuing this relationship. Days before you are to get married she has sex with her ex? What a total slap in the fact to you and it shows how much she values marrying you. Really based on what you have written I think you would have to be a masochist to marry her. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would be so accepting as you in being so humiliated and disrespected? Days before a marriage you would think she would have been so focused on your and your marriage, but instead she has sex with her ex? Do you really need to have a piano fall on your head to understand the implications of this?