I think we have a skewed population here. When folks on MB suspected that there was something rotten in the wood pile, they logged onto their computer and searched for marriage sites.

I'm taking care of my sick dad in Seattle, and read in the paper today of a woman who caught her husband with the OW. She shot him 15 times, and then beat him with the empty gun. He's dead, and she is in jail for life, and the relatives are all in court over the custody of her son. She should have looked for marriagebuilders.

Lemonman,

Well, let's consider a few things. You are a surgeon right. Is it worth your career and hands to turn OM into a punching bag? Not really.

Most of us know that people seem to have a lawyer on speed dial these days and very few are willing to give the OM ANY of our money via the courts.

So my guess is that people have yelled at OM on more than a few occasions, and you got to watch those ladies from Texas, cause they are packin. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> But, actually gone after them physcially, probably not, but not because that many people over flow with the milk of human kindness. They are just unwilling to let OM get in the last law suit or end up in the can for the night.

If like in France, "crimes of passion" were viewed as excusable offenses, I think more than a few OM would be on your table if not just pushing up daisies. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I don't get the impression that the folks here are abnormal, but they are often cautioned about the possible consequences IF they win the fight, which means they lose. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I wouldn't mind seeing justice administered on the spot myself, but there is no way I would want to waste money on the OM.

Just thoughts. Hope you are doing well Lemonman.

JL

So what can I do about these feelings?

I hope someone answers this.

What do I do if I happen to run into him downtown or in a coffee shop?

Walk away - quickly. As the proverb says: "Revenge is a dish best served cold" The author forgot to add "without witnesses" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Imagine the look of smug satisfaction on his face as he watched you being put away for assault. That ought to be enough of a deterrent. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

DO NOTHING. Doing something can land one in jail.

Hi ML

Let me ask a slightly different interpretation of the question then.

"How do I defuse these feelings?"

TIME is a great diffuser.

I hear you and can relate Fourth_Street....

The thoughts of neutering my wife's OM raged in my mind for some time. Her first one was a personal friend of mine and worked in youth ministry with me. What a POS!

A couple of things kept it from becoming physical:

1. I exposed in such a way that her first two OM (PAs) had to deal with shame and loss of position.

[*]Her first OM had to leave a very high-profile position in our church. When he tried to resume that position before our "agreed" upon period of time, I threw a flag to the church leadership and kept him out of the spotlight he craved. The anger that drew from him and embarrassment it caused him was as satisfying as any punch I could have thrown.

[*]Her second OM had to face co-workers that were friends with his wife and children. He had to face them and his family with his shame. One of his children worked in his office and he had to face her with his shame. Again, satisfying to know the scars of those confrontations will last longer than any bruise or broken bone I would have administered.

(I know, I sound pretty horrible right now).

[*]Her third OM (EA) I spoke to in a conference call with his wife (they live across the country). I called her to let her know about the EA. I emailed her my evidence and she asked if she could conference her husband in. I jumped at the chance. Everytime he'd dismiss my accusations, I'd pull out another piece of evidence I had already emailed his wife. Listening to him stutter, hem-and-haw, backtrack, blatantly lie to excuse his behavior and then finally dropping the ultimate piece of evidence on his head was thoroughly satisfying.

But.....

2. The main thing that kept creeping into my mind when I contemplated physical retaliation was that there were three betrayed wives out there (of her OM) who had the same "right" to physically assault my wife. Granted, there were times I felt they should have a go at my wife to knock her out of "affair-fantasy-land", but in the end, this is the woman I love and mother of my girls -- I would feel horrible if one of the OW assaulted her.

So, I agree with the others, walk away.

Remember....

[*]You have honor, he has none.
[*]You have character, he has none.
[*]You are the better man.

Blessings

This is exactly what my H said about why he didn't head over to FOM's house and punch him in the face. He said picturing FOM's W and what he thought her reaction would be is what stopped him every time he felt the urge.

LC

First let me take the high road. It is that affairs are all about consequences. This is one of the first and most obvious things a BS learns about adultery if we didn't already know it. Most of the instances of someone from here kicking the OP's [censored] seem to involve situations where there was very low risk of negative consequences to the BS. And that is just brain power over a more primate sort of reaction. I do remember this one police office on here who had to resort to the low road when the OM in his situation started stalking. And there have been others. But all that I have seen including that one have had the hallmark of stealth.

Er, except one <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Now it is that one day not too long ago, I saw a post where there was this description of a confrontation between this long time and well thought of advisor here and her husband while both were driving down the road; him with a female in the truck with him and her in a car that apparently ended up damaged. The intent of the post that I saw was calculated to somehow denigrate the lady BS about whom I speak.

Nothing of the sort entered my mind. I wish I had a copy of that post; moderators killed it. I could see it happening and instead of reacting in a negative way, I started laughing to the point of tears. Seeing that post actually help me with my own fantasy of doing bodily harm to the OM in my own situation. Why? Because it involved the BS grabbing her WH and scaring the OW to what I imagined was the point of PIP.

I have often wondered if that was a made up post or real and now I know it was real, which makes it even better. See, the reality is that my beloved wife needed her [censored] kicked just as much as the OM. I didn't spank my wife at the time or whatever, so what was the point of beating up the OM? Besides, consequences tells me that my kids do not need for dad to be in jail. I do have a fantasy where my wife kicks the OM between the legs as hard as she can. Now THAT would be satisfying.

Larry

What can you do about these feelings?

Face the terrible truth that it was your WW who made these choices. It was of her free will to have an affair. It was her responsibility to be faithful. She was not to rely on the ethics of every male out there to keep her faithful. As my father said only too well, "There are 200,000 Sophias...in the Twin Cities!"

When you face that terrible truth, you start to deal with the reality that the problem you have is with your wife and not the OM.

Of course, it took a harassment order from Sophia for me to face that reality, but some of us take longer to learn than others.

Cherished

i hear all of the responses,but what if om is a real piece of [email]sh@@[/email] . im with the poster on this om will get a pasting when the time is right .

when you are dealing with someone who has broken 3 marriages with the sole intent of financial and sexual gain,its time to step in ,this om is not going away despite ww assurances of no contact ,hes still there the odd text etc .

maybe im the odd one ,but its coming!!!

Not your problem. This OW continued having an affair with my husband after I told her that he broke my arm when we were arguing about her -- and this was 12 days after I had a hysterectomy. I told her that I had already been through one surgery and would need two more.

It was a year later that she put a harassment order on me. Even my husband thought it was strange that she kept looking back at him and basically ignored her husband as she filed a harassment order against me, which I accepted. I realized that I couldn't protect my husband from her -- that he needed to decide not to have an affair. Sure enough, she called him to see if he was interested in continuing the affair.

So what. She's not my problem. The husband who had an affair and broke my arm, the father of our four children -- he's the one I need to deal with, not her.

Cherished

There's a rumor that I frightened OM pretty good as he was only 300 yards across field from me.

His wife might have helped me with it.

But it's only rumored.

ENGLANDER,


Of course OM is a POS. They all are. How many rightous people do you know who would persue a M'd person, in spite of the fact that it could very likely break up their M? Does that sound like a person who has some kind of moral compass?
[email]H@@@[/email] No!!

All Om have it coming. Truly they do, but the bottom line is if your the one who gives it to them, then you lose the high moral ground, and you will have to live with that too.

It's very frustrating, and only those with extreme self control can pull it off. That was the first reflection I saw of myself. No self control. It was a dismal mirror image of myself. I do regret it to this day, not from a sympathetic view of OM,but rather, for my own failure of who I thought I was.

Please do yourself a favor and refrain. Pray to God for peace of mind.

All Blessings,
Jerry

I wonder how (or if) society would change if betrayed spouses could sue for damages against people who knowingly sleep with married partners.

If I hit someone (or even spit in their face), I'd be charged with assault, fined, and possibly imprisoned. Yet, some douche bag can knowingly pursue and sleep with a married person, cause damage to the relationship and immeasurable pain to the betrayed spouse and face no consequences. None.

To use another example, in the eyes of the law, stealing a $60 DVD player from Best Buy is a far greater crime than attempting to destroy a marriage and causing extreme emotional pain.

It would be nice if there were a legal (and financial) deterrent to sleeping with a married person. However, if there were, the courts would be overflowing.

Dr. Harley has been working on legislation in the state of Minnesota against adultery. I can't remember exactly what it entails, but it is a passion of his.

Sadly there used to be exactly that kind of legislation:-

Alienation of Affection
Criminal Conversation

and another one that I can't remember....

Interesting, I've not heard this. I will have to do a little research to see what I can find.

Found this:



Source: http://kclawyer.blogspot.com/2003_06_01_archive.html

Jerry, I make this argument quite frequently here and get lashed for it. If in fact the OM or OW are POS...and I think they are...why all the backlash here on these boards when talking about WS or FWS during their affair??? If they all are...well, they all are.

Just curious... I hope you are well friend.