Basically here's the situation:

due to things I could not forget and see her the same for, I got a divorce last year. Don't want to get into all the huge details because it would take forever and basically in the end it was a mutual agreement and didn't end nasty.

The divorce was final last September and I started dating again in late November. She started dating mere weeks after we separated that April.

Anyway I come to find out that only after 8 months of dating this guy he proposed to her and they are getting married at the end of the week in Hawaii. I truly think that's messed up especially after she said all she wanted to do was live the single life and not get married for a long time.

I rarely stay in touch with her since I know it's not healthy to keep talking to your ex when you're trying to separate from the emotion and new lifestyle, but we do talk every couple months just to say hello.

I know she's no longer my responsibility and she has changed her ways a lot. Doesn't listen to the same kind of music anymore, her tastes for alcohol have grown to liking regular beer drinking (which she really hated when we were together) and I just don't really feel like I know her anymore. The old her that I knew is definitely gone.

I don't even know this other guy she's getting married to, but I feel she's making the wrong decision to get married so fast. Heck, her parents and family is still upset that she didn't try harder with me and they don't support her getting married at all to this new guy, whom which I hear never makes an effort to talk or become part of the family. In fact none of them will be attending her wedding. Weird, huh? I am still in touch with her family and they always enjoy my conversations and talking. They know I did what I could, but marriage is a two person job, am I right? I wanted to try, but she didn't want to make the effort, and it was her that cheated on me. Well I'm stronger these days for it and I do have a wonderful girlfriend of 7 months right now and that's going nice. Will be a long time before I ever consider walking down the aisle again. No rush for it in the near future at all. I'm just trying to take it all in and enjoy life better.

I plan to call her (the ex) this week to touch base and I really feel I should say something, but not to steer her away, but to just express thoughts in hopes that she has thought it through a lot. We were together 5 years before we ever got married and I just don't think they know each other well enough to just go for it.

Do I just stay out of it because she's a big girl and can make her own decisions, or should I say just a little something and get the shoulda woulda coulda thought out of my head that I could have saved her from making a bad decision of which I have no idea if she's making a bad decision having not even met the guy.

Oh well... Maybe I'll get some responses. Anyon eelse been in a similar situation like this? I just can't believe not even a year later from the official finalization of the divorce she will be getting married. Maybe some move on more easily than others.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

Don't say a word, she's not your responsibility anymore.

Let her failure be spectacular.

say, congratulations and that's it. . .


are you a control freak or just a person that knows how to run other people's lives for them better than they can?

wiftty

Say nothing or simply say congratulations and wish her the best of luck.

Nothing more is needed.

i'm sure it is uncomfortable for you, but you have moved on as you said you are dating. so what if she is getting married? 8 months could be more than long enough to decide if you want to marry someone.

she could be very happy and they could be married forever or she could be rebounding and this won't work.

but it is her life. stay out of it. worry about you.
you were together 5 years before you married and it didn't work. who is to say that being together only 8 months before marriage will or won't work. it has NOTHING to do in my opinion with how long you have been together before marriage.

mlhb

Be a mature adult and stop living in the past. No more contact with the ex or her family. Don't torture yourself. Get on with your own life. Let the past go. Is that enough cliches for you?

If you don't have children with her, you don't have anything to say beyond "best wishes".

Regards,
rs0522

I'm hoping my stbx will want to get remarried so we can get this divorce over with.

It's gonna cost her new husband a coupla grand to buy her from me.

Well, my XW got remarried a month after our D, to a man other than the two she cheated on me with. Our D beginning to end was 5 months...

After my hurt cleared up... I said to myself "you know what, she is his problem now, not mine" Sometimes I say to myself I hope she falls down in the gutter and chokes on her own vomit, but most times, I really couldn't care less what happens to her.

Better yet, let me quote a line out of Garth Brooks, Friends in Low Places...

And I saw the surprise
And the fear in his eyes
When I took his glass of champagne
And I toasted you
Said, honey, we may be through
But you'll never hear me complain

When mine got remarried to the OM, it hit me pretty hard. I guess I had not realized just how much I still loved her and deep down inside I wanted her back. But, that ended any foolish notions I had.

She is out of your life, you have no kids to tie you together, so get on with it.

Why should you care what she does?

Living well is the best revenge.

Im praying my ExW gets remarried...........so she can drop my last name.

They all said it better than me.

I know this was posted a few weeks ago, but I can't help myself.

I would send her husband to be your attorney's business card. And write in the back : JUST IN CASE

Ok, in all seriousness, just leave it be and move on.

The only thing I'd add is that the XS is usually the LAST person one will listen to. My XH got tangled up with a bad news woman (internet gold-digger, IMO) - and other than giving him my 2 cents when he started paying her rent instead of his bills when they first took up together - and I only said something then because his not paying his bills put my credit in the dumper (he had not removed me from his credit accounts - I fixed it with certified letters etc...)... but after that I just kept my mouth shut.

She's an adult - you think it's a mistake, and it likely is but she's going to have to get along on her own. You aren't responsible for her, and you aren't in control of her (anymore).

Besides - if her family has reservations about it - that's *their* place to say something, not yours.

Living well is the best revenge - take care of you, and let the chips fall where they may.

JinGA

Amen about the last name thing, mine asked her mother if I thought I would get upset if she kept my last name I said I am more upset that she is totaly destroying my world and takeing way everything I held dear, who gives a crap about a name. A non committed woman by anyother name will still get the 7 yr itch.