Wow _AD_ 100 miles! Now that's being willing to do what ever it takes.

Here's how I'm trying to work out my latest date. He lives about 45 miles away. He suggested we meet, I agreed and I waited until I was going in that direction, and actually passing his town, to pick the date. It wasn't more than a few days difference and I realize things can't always work out that conveniently.

Maybe I've gotten lazy or just had too many disappointing dates and maybe I should remove myself from the site I use, but I try my best to make any dates work into my schedule in as seamless a way as possible.

Here's a funny about one guy I was at the point of email exchange. I'd sent him an email a couple of days ago and he returned one today telling me that after careful scrutiny of my photos he's come to realize I look too much like his mother to continue in the process. GAWD, I ROFLMAO, too funny. I felt a little sorry for him, I can imagine the ick factor.

NAMS,

Speaking of the "ick" factor. I did have a date with this younger man who was 6 years younger than I. (Normally, I prefer older men.) I finally agreed to meet this man for lunch; however when I first saw him, I just wanted to do an about face and leave. He looked so much like my younger brother and that was a definite "ick" factor for me. Needless to say, that was our first and last meeting.

When B asked me out, I expected him to pay, and he did. He told me to order whatever I wanted - he chose the restaurant (but sought my OK on it before the date was set).

The next time we had a picnic in the park and he brought everything.

I've paid too sometimes - usually if I'm not sure "who" ought to pay, before we go into a place, I'll simply ask - who's buying? And I'm prepared to pay if I feel it's my turn.

If I think it might be his turn, I'll ask "who" and if I think it should be my turn, I'll just offer... LOL not like I'm trying to manipulate - not at all - I just want to know before we go in. That's working for me - we're both pretty direct so it's no biggie to 'dance' around that topic, and we've been out enough times that I do believe in paying my fair share. We don't split a bill - one or the other pays - easier that way.

Neither of us keeps score either. But I'm sure if we were to look at who has paid when, I'm sure it comes out about even.

I do think that whomever asks for the first date, should be expected to pay. If I'm asked out on a date, I don't automatically order the most expensive thing on the menu - but I won't just have a pine float either... I stick to something in the middle - and of course something I like <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

After that, I think it just depends. I wouldn't expect a man to pay the whole way.

Sometimes we eat at a restaurant that I trade with - the services of my business, for credit at the restaurant. I've accumulated a hefty credit there so I don't mind spending it. We do need to leave a cash tip for the server - sometimes I get it, sometimes B gets it.

I took another friend to lunch there last week (old friend who visits from out of town once or twice a year) and he kept telling me he 'owed' me lunch - well before we went in (and this is a friend, not a 'date')... I told him that if he'd like to leave the tip, lunch was on me. He asked if I was sure - I assured him it was what I *wanted* and he graciously agreed.

That's one other thing, ladies and gents - if someone offers to buy your meal - BE GRACIOUS! Say thank you and don't make a big deal about it. IMO there's nothing that's more of a turn off than people bickering over who should pay, when both want to pay. I've seen this more in women than in men (when same-sex friends are dining, shopping etc.)

I used to work in a grocery store, and whenever friends of the same sex would come to the checkout and one would offer to pay, my experience was this...

Two women (often older women)... "I'll get that, Mildred."

"No you won't, Gertrude... (to me, handing me money) Her money is no good, I'll pay."

"No, let me pay...(shoves friend's money away, reaches out with her money)... I insist!"

At this point *I* (the cashier) am uncomfortable because I'm darned either way if I take either one's money. Usually at that point I'd make a joke about taking the fight outside...

Over time I came to just tell these 'ladies' that they could take a lesson from the men... and as I'd take the cash from the first person who offered it, I'd tell them how men are when presented with a similar situation:

"I'll get this, Steve."

"Thanks, Tom!"

I've found over and over again that men are MUCH more gracious about being offered a kindness. Surprised? I sort of was.

I almost never saw men argue over who'd pick up the bill. If one offered first, the other simply thanked his friend and that was that.

So - ladies and gents (but especially ladies!) - if somebody , male or female, offers to pick up the tab for whatever - just say THANK YOU and accept.

The *only* time this seems to backfire is that sometimes women make the offer, *expecting* that argument and *expecting* to "let" the other person (usually woman) win...

I've seen my mother do this - get into the symbolic argument over who pays, ends up paying, then is secretly resentful afterward. Well - you shouldn't have offered or you should have set it straight *before*...

Games often backfire!

I guess that's why I'm direct. I don't go if I'm not prepared to pay, and if the other offers to pay, I accept graciously - OR we agree ahead of time.

There's nothing wrong with having it set before walking through the door - makes for a lot less discomfort later.

JMHO

JinGA