My WH left me June 25, 2007 for his best friend's wife. He is now living with her(still denies that they are living together) and is basically so arguementative when we talk that I have tried really hard to just not talk to him. He has been very brutal with the 'I don't love you anymore', etc. After I found out about the affair, I also found out that he has had random sex with people at bars several times and supposedly had another affair a few years ago. I still love him, and we have 2 perfect kids who are 5 and almost 8, but the meaner he is to me, the more I think that we are better off without him and the 10% of his time that he gave us. He loves his kids, but should I really be trying to fix this when I don't think he is willing to be a better person. This is awful, and I don't believe in divorce, but I'm starting to realize that he was only a good father and husband 10% of the time. I'm torn because I feel guilty for giving up on my marriage.

I guess no responses mean NO????

Only you can really asses if it is worth saving. Get the book "Surviving An Affair" by Harley. Have you exposed the affair? Does the OW's H know the truth? What about friends/family etc. I would also recommend you have STD testing right away and tell the OW'sH to do so as well. If your WH has been sleeping around bars then he could have picked something up.

I've done all of the above. The affair is exposed. EVERYONE knows. He literally has NO friends left and has moved to another town.

Some things take time.

Did you Plan A? Can you?

My D day was June 25 as well - but 3 years ago.

Do read Surviving An Affair, I think it will help you to sort out your thoughts.

ultimately, you are the only one who can tell if this M is worth saving. I wouldn't worry too much about his anger, and harsh words. That is typical in a situation where he knows that he is wrong, he feels guilty, and takes it out on you.

But it sounds like he has had multiple affairs, and honestly, that would be very hard to recover from. It sounds like his current A is not just a momentary lapse in judgement, but his ongoing, regular behavior.

no matter what you decide to do - you really should get legal advice right away. Make an appointment with an attorney and ask questions from every angle - what if I want to file for D right away? What if I want to wait awhile? How about a legal seperation? What preparations should I be making first?

and come here and post often. This is a major trauma for you! It is ok to take the help that is offered.

Everyone has to decide if the marriage is worth saving. You have every right to divorce him and move on. He broke the vows, not once, but multiple times.

If your heart agrees with your head, divorce him.

As previous posters mentioned, serial cheaters are different than the once or twice cheaters.

There is a difference between a person that falls into an affair and a person that looks for affair partners on a regular basis and has a character flaw.

Take care,

k.d.'s heartbreak

My WH has had one affair that he admits to, but I suspect several more. I've had to accept the fact that he will not be faithful, and I've made the decision to move on. I think it is easier to make the marriage work if it was a mistake that happened in a time of weakness. But when cheater is part of who they are it's a very different story.