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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 12
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 12 |
hello...first post here but have been lurking for weeks trying to figure my wife out. I found out about A in Jan, confronted OM who is 2000 miles away, and thought that was it. Entered into counseling but after 6 sessions...found out he was not on our plan.....ouch! Counselor suggested several things to do, books to read which seem to be in line with concepts here at MB. She still has really not participated in anything....and the only thing it seems she heard from him was that it will take time. Evidently she didn't hear the part about no contact.....ever! In april....I found a 8 greeting cards purchased for OM. Called her out and once again promised it was done. Just got back from vacation with 2 kids and checked emails when i got home....OM sent out email for new contact info.....and she sent one back....."miss your smile"...."love your eyes"...."maybe I'll write while i'm on vacation...its great therapy". What to do?? I dont know if I did the right thing.....but here it is!
I printed the email she sent and left her a letter and told her I was again heartbroken, tired of the deception and broken promises. I don't know what to do from here so I'm looking for some thoughts please. I'm going to sugggest re-entering counseling cuz whats happening now isnt' working. I tell her what my needs are....connection, time alone, physical touch, intimacy......and her response is "I can never do enough for you!".....enough???? how about anything??? HELP!!!!
me 43
she 41
married 17yrs
kids 11, 14
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Who is the OM? Is he married?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 12
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 12 |
OM is on west coast.....someone she met at a bar while on business. he is not married.
BS 43
WS 41
2 kids 11,14
married 17 years
me 43
she 41
married 17yrs
kids 11, 14
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
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Member
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222 |
Find all OM's contact info, destroy it, block his phone number, turn off your WW's cell phone, password protect your internet, expose her adulterous behavior to family and friends. Find OM's family and expose to them. Expose your WW to her employer and tell them you do not want her traveling to that area again.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
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Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087 |
Hi HH,
Welcome to MB...
Sounds like you're looking for a plan... Your W is still in contact with the OM. So you can't really 'discuss' anything with her as she is in la-la-land and head-over-heels-in-Luv with this OM right now.
First, you need to decide if you are willing to fight to rebuild your M. If you are, then great! You've come to the right place. If you decide that you don't want to remain in the M, (and this is YOUR right to decide) then protect your assets and go for a D.
I'm assuming that you want to rebuild your M or else you wouldn't be here... so...
Study up on Plan-A and take JW's advice and EXPOSE! EXPOSE! EXPOSE!... expose this A to everyone that you think will help you in your battle for your M. Call your W's workplace and let them know that her "business" travels are impacting your M...
You need to realize that ANY discussions that you have right now with your W are not going to make much sense until she is in NC with this OM. That is your first step... to end the A.
Keep posting as I know that there are many great folks here that have been where you are right now and can help you...
Semper Fi,
RIF
Me, BS
Her, Forgiven
Married Dec 86
Multiple A's that ended '90
Rebuilding In Faith since then...
Currently deployed to Iraq, but TEXAS is Home!
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