Hi, I'm new to MB, i've read some and decided to share my story. I'm hoping this helps me heal by posting and reading here.

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. We have 3 children together. We moved to another city about 2.5 years ago and ever since then I've had a feeling things were going down hill. Three months after moving here I went back home to visit my mom for Mother's day. While there I couldn't get a hold of my husband who was out 4-wheeling with his cousin. Now sure why really but I checked his messages on his phone. At this time I never even DREAMED of him talking/seeing other woman. There was a message from a girl on there saying she had a good time last night and to call her. I had felt like I was punched in the stomach. I asked him about it, and he said they met at a club and he gave her his number, nothing happened. I believed him, but was still pissed and hurt.

Fast forward to a June/July this year....

The weekend before the 4th, he stayed out all night. He went to a baseball game and then to a bar with guy friend. He dropped his guy friend off and I guess went back to the bar. Ended up staying at a girls house he met there--get this--with her too. I just recently found out this girl had a friend, that he never mentioned. So now that makes the story a little different, right? That following friday after the 4th (1 week later) he came out of the blue and said he wanted to separate. I was totally shocked by this. Well come to find out he was with this other girl. For two weeks he wouldn't come see the kids (if he did it was only a min or two) and wouldn't come watch them (yes, watch his own children) because he didn't want "Me out by myself having fun". He moved back in right after our anniversary, but still continued to go missing for full nights once a week. I finally had enough of it and told him to tell me the truth. Every time I'd mention him with another girl (he didn't know I totally knew yet) he would get SO PISSED OFF! I had never seen that side of him before!

We started counseling and it went well. He got a ear full about talking to other girls, giving out his number, staying out all night, and all that jazz. He seemed like it really affected him. He told the guy he doesn't talk to any girls anymore.

Well the following Wed night he was out till 2am. I confronted him and he said he went to a bar. On Thursday I decided to check his messages since he wasn't answering his phone yet again. There were 2 messages from this girl. About how she's having fun, "Hey babe" etc. OMG I about got sick. I couldn't believe it.

I decided to call her and see what was going on. She didn't want to talk to me at first, she wanted to call my husband first. She finally told me she was "dating him" for 5 1/2 weeks and that they were in fact sexually active. She didn't know he was still with me. He told her we were getting a divorce and it was almost final. She said if she knew she would have NEVER talked to him...now I'm not so sure. That night I made him call her, with me standing there, and tell her he LIED about everything. She was completely shocked over it all. I know that bridge was burned but I found out more...

He denied having sex with her for about a week. He finally admitted to it and get this, a ONE NIGHT STAND about a year ago that I was blinded by. He still had contact with this other girl, the ONS girl. She gave him a prepaid cell phone he had been using for about a year now too. I guess when he couldn't afford the min on that he would just use his reg one. Even though he says it was a one night stand this is the THIRD girl in 2.5 years he's been in contact with-not sure about sexually only confirmed 2 and that's enough for me.

I'm so sick over this, my heart aches, and I honestly don't know how to get thru this. He is wanting to work on this, he is here trying, going out of his way to please me etc. But I don't know how to get past this. Get past seeing him in my head with other woman. I can't believe this has happened. I'm not so sure if I want things to work out, if I can get past this. I'm going to continue to go to counseling and work on it, I'm not giving up even though I feel like it.

Hi Leah,

Please read the following books:

1. SAA - Surviving an Affair - Harley
2. HNHN - His Needs/Her Needs - Harley
3. Love must be Tough - Dobson

Then take the EN questionnaire.

Call Steve H @ MB for some phone counseling and a plan. You have been through too much.

With the plan you will know what t/d and have the strength t/d it with.

take care,
L.

Please expose his adulterous behavior to his family and friends, and if he stays out all night, kick him out of the house. Don't let him out of the house. If he continues for another month or two, file for legal separation, get him removed from the house, and get him on the hook for alimony and child support. Then we'll see if staying out all night is worth his while.

Hi Leah,

How r u doing? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Hi Leah,

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I was married to a serial adulterer for 25 years. In addition to the advice given here for ending and recovering from adultery you will need some extra measures if your marriage will survive... and that's a very big 'IF'.

As Jim posted you will need to expose your husband's behavior to family and friends - not just his most recent adultery - expose about ALL of the OW.

Don't let your WH con you into trusting that he's changed, that he will never do it again... He will need to PROVE to you that he's cured by going to counseling and by accountability.

Follow the MB principles VERY closely.

Read the book suggestions given by Orchid PLUS also read:
Men Who Can't Love
and
Not Just Friends

Good Luck

The following link provides some info about serial adultery:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/print/0,,4360335-103425,00.html

I am so sorry to hear your story, i couldnt imagine being with my husband if he had more than one affair. the only reason im with him now is because i'm trying to convince myself that he is stupid and just got caught up and will never let this happen again. For it to happen more than once...I dont know hunny...do you really really want him that bad? He's already a proven liar and multiple adulter.

Good luck and have strenght....Pray! No matter what, everything will be alright if you just Pray.