I see that your thread has been locked so I will not respond any further on this one, but I did want to say something to you in case you're still around.

You can lay on the extreme sarcasm and anger and bitterness here on this board all you want, but it's not really going to affect anyone here. None of us are married to you.

However, your husband IS married to you, and if this is how you relate to him then it's no wonder you are losing your mind and he is nowhere to be found.

I think you are boiling over with rage and frustration but girl if you don't get some kind of handle on it you are going to end up NOWHERE.

I'm practically laughing at myself as I type this. I am the Queen of Rage and Frustration but you've even got ME beaten by a mile!

In all seriousness - if you want anything to get better for you, you've got to

1) Learn how to deal with Passive/Aggressive behaviour the right way. STOP trying to fight it by being P/A and nasty and sarcastic yourself. How's that workin' for ya?

2) Study the MB plans and pick one. Pick A or pick B, but pick one and stick with it 100%. Plan O (for Observing) has gotten you nowhere but locked out of MB.

3) Think twice before unloading anger and nastiness on strangers who took the time out of their day to help you - and tried to help you by telling you the truth.

I'm sorry things are so tough for you. I do understand the extreme rage and frustration but there are other ways to deal with it that will go much farther towards getting you what you want.

I wish you would have allowed us to help you.
Mulan

Mulan-

I don't think that plan A or plan B will help in Observing's case...because she doesn't have a wayward husband.

She's been spying for almost a year now...and other than an iffy email between her H and his receptionist, there's been NOTHING. Even that wasn't solid enough to go on...but she pushed and insisted that her H fire the receptionist anyway.

I'm not convinced that her H is P/A either. I believe that SHE may be...and he's been dancing to her tune all this time. That will certainly give that appearance that he is, at least.

I asked Obs MONTHS ago what she would consider as "proof" that he's NOT cheating. Her answer was along the lines of "When his eyes quit wandering".

I think that her H is likely behaving rather normally for most men...but that Observing is actually Obsessing...I think she's obsessing over the possibility that her H could cheat on her. She's believed that he's been eyeballing everything up to and including the neighbor's cat...she's even accused him of looking at their daughter "with lust in his eye".

I think that someone somewhere hurt Observing very badly in the past. And I think she's now obsessed with the fact that her husband is/may be/will leave her or cheat on her with someone.

I also suspect that Observing may be suffering from P/A, especially given her recent behaviors on her other thread.

I'm normally the first one to tell a potential BS to 'listen to their gut feeling' when they suspect that their spouse is cheating. Its what I had to do in my case too. But look at her year long thread...it jumps from suspecting one person to another, never any proof at all. The only consistent theme to it is that he's "eyeing other women".

I really hope that Observing DOES go to an IC for herself. I think that she'd benefit from that far more than anything else. I'd suggest that her H do the same as well...and that they BOTH attend some sort of couples counselling to work out the issues between them.

I wonder if Observing has sought out some IC...

From Penalty Kill

I read the thread. I think Observing is growing older and not liking it much.

Just my .02

PK

PK

Or just growing. . .

Justin Wilson made me say that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Larry

From Penalty Kill

Larry - ha!

Hope you and your W had a good summer.

PK

Mulan:

I think she's gone.

I liked her quirkyness.

But, it's up to her to be here.

LG