My x and his wife just brought my YD back from FL and are spending the week in the area visiting and spending time with the other kids and grandkids!!!

I've never been introduced to this woman, have only ever seen her one time. She was the OW, they were married within the month after the divorce in 02.

Natural consequences, you've got to love them. I was considering inviting them for supper while they were going to be here (I am tired of the presumed riff between us all). I asked OD what to make and she said "Hamburger loaves." That same night YD calls and asks if I can "Hamburger loaves" while her dad and wife are here, I laughed. So I stopped at OD house last night to make the invitation and this woman didn't shut up so that I could, so told OD to make sure they knew, YD came home and said wife is calling me to hear from me that she is invited. So I had YD call dad's cell and I spoke to wife, this is the first time I've ever spoken to her. She thanked me for the invite.

So tonight they are here for dinner, we had a very nice time, played with the grandson's shared some old stories about the kids, played cards, it was nice! Did we walk away best friends? No! Do we know a little about each other and that we can tolerate each other when the need arises, yep.

I said good night to them and walked back into the house and asked my kids if I did ok and they said "Mom you were great!!!! Not everyone could've done that!!!!"

So know down the road when the pain is gone, and if you can get over the bitterness and anger there is something else out there, it's a different relationship that we will have but it won't be as stranded!!! And I am glad that I made the first step!!!

Just wanted to share!!!

Dawn <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

You know, I actually sort of like my x's wife. Granted, she wasn't the OW - didn't come on the scene until a couple of years after we were divorced. But, she's ok...I could call on her in a pinch and she would probably come through. Now, we don't always see eye to eye - but we both love the same two teenagers.

It was an interesting evening that is for sure!!They live in FL and I live in SD so don't have to see them on a regular basis and kids are old enough, that dad doesn't think that we need to co-parent them, so very limited contact.

I could see us getting along ok, if put into the same state!!!

Dawn

I have to say I am really impressed. I've got very intense (negative) emotions for my OW. Though not quite obsessed with it, I do fear the day my DS graduates college, or gets married, or any other huge milestone, and WH wants to bring her to the ceremony. If one of these were to happen today, I would have to miss my son's important event and that would be just one more thing OW takes from me. I can't even imagine in my wildest dreams having her over for dinner and talking about kids.

So how long has it been since you were divorced? Was there a point in time when you realized that you didn't hate her so much?

i give you a lot of credit daybreak.. i know i am not at that point yet.

it is only recently that i can even talk nicely to ow, but she is not invited into my home! no way!

mlhb

That's great daybreak. I think it is important that the children can enjoy having both parents in the same room.

My X can't seem to be in the same room with me, and his GF takes his hatred stance. I invite both of them to my DD's birthday parties, and let them know about school events, but I just get the glares. I realized how deep their hatred was at XFIL's funeral. His entire family spoke to me, and only he (and GF) refused to accept condolences or speak to me. (I was there mostly for MIL and my kids).

Getting everyone together in your home was a great gesture.

This is an interesting topic. I've met ex's GF, whom I believe was the OW, but as some of you may know, ex has not admitted he had a relationship with her. This fact influences my behavior.

When we've come face to face I've been nice and so has she. She seems to treat my boys well so there really isn't much more I can ask. I might be inclined to be more inclusive if ex admitted his relationship with her. ex and I get along fine, until he gets uppity and nasty about something, and I could imagine circumstances where we would all be in a situation together for the kids. I would be polite. Will I ask her to dinner? Unlikely. Had she not been the presumed OW and someone ex met after our divorce I don't think I'd have any problem having his GF over for holidays or celebrations.

Interestingly, my boys are less impressed with GF lately and they have made some comments, so has ex, that lead me to believe the shine of the brand new has begun to show some wear.

Daybreak,

I am very impress! I want to be like you!! LOL....You are setting great examples for your children and that will go along way. No doubt your kids are benefiting from this experience. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

daybreak,

To add a bit more significance to your post, how long have you been divorced?

It took me sometime to get to this point, but I wanted to share that if you let go of hatred and the anger you can get to this point or somewhere close to it.

We were divorced in 02, seperated before our 20th Anniversary in April 01.

The ex and I have been together for different kid events but she has never been there for them, kind of like he was trying to keep the 2 areas of his life seperate.

As far as a turning point, I had forgiven ex for what he allowed to happen to our marriage and having an EA. I had not forgiven her though for being the OW. I was taking a leadership class and we had to do something outside of our comfort zone, so I called ex and explained what I wanted to do in offering her my forgiveness, I said that I would call back after he considered and she refused to speak to me, that was on her, but it gave me the peace to let go of it and that's what I needed, I didn't really need her to hear the words I guess, it was something that I needed. If that makes sense.

Everything falls back into how do you want to handle it, how are you reacting to it, are you allowing it to control you.

I have a divorced friend that it is eating her up she is so angry, hateful and mean spirited that she is doing physical harm to her health. I don't ever want to let what someone else did have that much control over me!!!!

I have always told my kids that I have fun with everything that I do, or I don't do it!!!!! Just a way that I have chosen to live!!!!

I hope others are able to gain something from what I did last night. Like I said we will never be best buds, but we can visit and share in my kids life.

Dawn

I still find it amazing. I wonder if the fact that your x kept the 2 of you apart for a while helped. In my case, my STBX keeps pushing her on me and I find it very upsetting. I feel like I go through it all over again, and again, and again... I just can't imagine not hating her.

It's amazing how time does heal old wounds isn't it?

Speaking of ex's my eh just married for the 4th time since we have been divorced in Dec of 2000. Thats right he is now on wife number 6. What is hard for me is that I met newest wife this spring when they came up from TN for my daughters college graduation. She was so nice. It wasn't a show either she was just a genuine nice person. I felt so bad for her because she is so in love with my ex. But hey she knows of his past and thinks he is better now and a changed man so we will see. I think she has money and he is using her but maybe I am wrong.

As life moves forward and as I get older I feel that there is no reason to hold onto the anger anymore. I am much better off now then i would have been had we not divorced.

jilly it's all in how you preceive things.

Tabby, my ex really has a hard time looking me in the face, he was here to pick up the two grandsons tonight and he did not look me in the face, again that's his not mine. I don't think that I've turned into such a dog that no one can stand to look at me!!!!

Dawn

Daybreak,

Quote:

"As far as a turning point, I had forgiven ex for what he allowed to happen to our marriage and having an EA. I had not forgiven her though for being the OW."

That's exactly how I feel now! I have forgiven my XWH, but have not with OW. I do have to admit that the hatred feeling I have for her is not as intense as it once was. XHW and OW have an on again and off again relationship.

Quote:

The ex and I have been together for different kid events but she has never been there for them, kind of like he was trying to keep the 2 areas of his life separate.


My XWH does the same thing, which quite honestly makes it better for our children. When we first separated he tried to push OW and her children on my kids. They all attempted to live together. That lasted less than 2 months and after that he decided to have his 2 separate lives.

I know in time I will learn to forgive OW. I think what makes it harder for me is that she was a good friend of mine, she was my son's Godmother! But I know it's not good for me to carry a grudge and I sure don't want it to cause any health issues for me.

You have inspire me, and I thank you for that!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I don't believe forgiveness is part of that. For me forgiveness implies an okness with events and choices ex made which I feel is not appropriate or deserved yet I do feel I can move ahead without bitterness if I can come to terms with and understand them.

If I am capable of politeness, some conversation, working together for the kids, all without feeling resentment then I think that's pretty good. Making friends is unlikely because I don't respect ex or gf and that's something I like to feel for my friends.

A sense of peace with events and the ability to move on with love, openness, and the willingness to trust is all good. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />