I edited to change my title.

I didn't want to threadjack In Limbos thread, therefore I am moving your question here.

I also have questions at the end for anyone who can guide me.

This is going to be long. You might be sorry you asked. LOL

Ace, you asked me this:

My healing and understanding of myself have gone to a level I never thought I would reach. MB has shown me that all the stuff I did that made me feel like such a psycho-freak other people go through. I'm referring to the babble I spewed at my DH, which makes me shake my head in disbelief, and the alien I became.

I read and posted on another board for a long time and I always felt I was the only one dealing with that. I came here and saw I wasn't the only one. I am fortunate my DH held tight because I threw enough at him that he should have left me.

I finished reading Fall in Love, Stay in Love, but my DH has not as of yet had the chance. I have discussed a lot of it with him. I know he will read it, but it's just not going to be now.

I posted on another thread that IMO my DH appears depressed. I have expressed concerns to him to no avail. Recently a few of his nurses expressed concerns and he decided there must be something to what I have said because other's thought he seemed down. He decided to see someone and I am thrilled.

The A isn't the only issue causing him to feel down. Our 17 y/o was hospitalized for 9 days last Nov, while she was in the hospital my MIL was diagnosed with stomach cancer and she passed away 7 weeks after diagnosis. We had legal issues with my MIL's new husband, they were married a whopping 3 months or something like that. It was an ugly mess and apparently the final straw for him.

In my DH's eyes he's the doctor, "the fixer", not the one with the problems who needs to be fixed. At least that was always his way of thinking. I am grateful the nurses said something because it was the push to get him to seek help. He's been on meds for 2 weeks and I can already see a difference.

OK back to MB's. Right now I am facing doing something I didn't think I would ever have to do. My best friend is married to my FOM's brother. She and I have been friends since before I met FOM. We have been through everything together. Although she was not aware of the A while it was going on, she is aware of everything now. She has been a wonderful support system for me through, what I refer to as, my nervous breakdown.

I have people who I truly consider my friends from the other board who have told me all along how unhealthy it is to maintain this friendship. After over-talking about the A and it's effects I asked her that we not ever discuss anything about FOM or his W. She has graciously adhered to our agreement and we act as if he doesn't exist.

So no one yells at me, I have always checked on a routine basis with my H to make sure he was OK with the friendship. He has always said he is fine with it. (that would be the giver in him, not wanting to say otherwise)

After learning about the Giver and Taker in the book and seeing some of his recent reactions to things I have said I now see the friendship needs to end. Even though her and I don't talk about anything, her H (FOM's brother) does not know about the A. It was her choice to not tell him. She chose not to because she doesn't want to cause problems in the family.

I see in her the knowledge she has is having an effect on her (that she doesn't see) and it is also having an effect on my DH that he has always denied. When I mentioned to him that I was going to end our friendship I practically saw a weight lifted from him. Just the fact that FOM's brother doesn't not know of the A leaves a small window into our life. I can't imagine FOM and his brother talk about us, but the possibility is always there that he will mention something. This is where I see a small break in NC for life. We don't have direct contact, but the potential for FOM to know things he shouldn't is there. I hope I am being clear and making sense. I realize this is a lot of info.

I was going to start a thread asking this, but how do I end this friendship?

Do I send a letter to her and her H explaining we have to cut ties because of the A and family ties? I can't just ignore her, I feel like I owe her an explanation. It makes me very sad I am losing the best friend I have ever had because of my poor choices If we don't include her H in this he will get another BS story. FOM told his brother he was mad at me for playing a practical joke on him and that is why our friendship fell apart. He never told his brother it was because we had an A. FOM was adamant his brother and my best friend never find out. We were all friends and neighbors.

I have to talk to my DH about this, but I feel we need to send something addressed to my best friend and her H as to why we have to cut ties. Any thoughts would be helpful.

That's the long of it.

LC

Maybe a better question to ask is this. Does anyone know what the Harley's would suggest to do in handling my situation with my best friend? Would they recommend no contact for life with her because she is related to FOM? If so, how would a person go about explaining it after all this time has passed?

I should also mention I promised her I would never tell her H she knows everything.

LC

LC,

Harley would tell you to have NC with FOM forever. If contact with your BF provides indirect contact with FOM, then she must be removed from your life. That does not seem to be the case.

However, you said several telling things. You said that when you mentioned ending your friendship with BF your H seemed to look relieved. You mentioned that your BF seemed to be reacting to the load she is carrying (probably lying by omission to her H).

So let's examine these two things more carefully. Notice I used the word "seemed". What the means is that you don't know either of these things for a fact. I would suggest that you discuss this with both your H and your BF. In fact, I would recommend you consider going further, and bringing them together to discuss this.

The solutions that are possible are more than simply yes/no. Although, no BF might be best. You have put her in a difficult situation with regard to her BIL and her H. Your H has every right to fear further contact. But, is that really the case???

Your #1 priority is your H. #2 is no further contact with FOM. Your loyality to your BF is a good thing, but you can see where it lies in the list of priorities.

So my thoughts are that further discussion and fact finding is required. Once you know where all stand, then perhaps the three of you can agree on a plan, that harms all of you the least. Just remember YOUR priorities.

Hope something I said helps.

God Bless,

JL

you should have no contact with anyone associated with the OM. It is a consequence of your affair.

I agree with mkeverydaycnt:
"you should have no contact with anyone associated with the OM. It is a consequence of your affair."

There's too much of a risk that you will inadvertantly hear info about FOM, or he will hear info about you.

If you decide to ignore the risks and to continue contact with your BF then at the very least you need to expose the adultery to her husband. Frankly I don't see the logic in him being lied to by omission anyway. Why did your BS skip the exposure step? Why wasn't the adultery already exposed to all your friends (and their spouses) AND to all of OM's relatives? Why does your friend want to keep this secret from her husband?

The time to consider the potential loss of a very important friendship was before you committed adultery. It's too late now. You made your choice. Failure to end all contact with the OM, even indirect contact through his brother and your best friend is something that your BH absolutely should not agree to!

Hi LC,

I don't know what the Harley's might say about indirect potential contact, but I can understand why your BH might not have exposed so long after the fact. It is optional, but at the same time, it is the right thing to do.

On the other hand, it could re-initiate contact, which, according to Dr. Harley is one of the inherent risks of delayed exposure so long after the A has ended.

It's good that you confessed on your own. If my H had, it would have been much different. You apparently had endured withdrawal on your own without your H suspecting anything....and 15 months had gone by.

If I were your H (as a BS), I would want you to break off the friendship. I would have shown relief, too if my H were in your shoes and had mentioned this possibility to me.

You might share what you know about radical honesty with your best friend, and how it relates to your H and your recovery. Then relate what NC means......none, zip, nada, for LIFE. On the Notable Posts thread pinned above, one of the last posts (that Pep said was "brilliant") was our MC's analogy about a helium-filled balloon being like a marriage. It's not exactly like your sitch, but very similar. Here's the balloon link......let me know what you think.

...and NO, I'm not sorry I asked how you're doing.

Ace <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

ETA: The balloon post is near the bottom of the page linked. Not sure why it goes to the page top, not directly to the post. Sorry.

LC, for what it may be worth, JL has given you the best advice to date on this issue, imho.

When MEDC, who I frequently disagree with says. "you should have no contact with anyone associated with the OM. It is a consequence of your affair," his statement is essentially correct, but his application to your BF is inappropriate because she is "associated" with the OM by marriage to his brother, NOT by actions on her part that supported or encouraged the affair.


But I'm going to "come at this" from the perspective of a BS. Affairs, as MEDC correctly stated, DO have consequences. Some of those consequences are more important or less important to a WS, a BS, and/or a Recovery attempt from adultery.

So let's talk a minute about the "difference." If you were NOT in recovery, you would not "care" about some things, most notably, your husband's feelings rather than your own feelings. But since you ARE in recovery, what JL wrote about takes precedence in what NEEDS to be done, and that in turn, is where some "unintended consequences" may impact you, your husband, your marriage, AND your BF.

As near as I can tell from what you wrote, your BF is an "innocent bystander" with respect to the affair, but an ACTIVE proponent of fidelity in her own marriage and to you. She has been a valuable support for you in YOUR efforts to recover your marriage and has, thus, been a proponent of you and your marriage, NOT of the affair.

Thus, she is NOT "associated with the OM" in the sense of being supportive of HIS CHOICE (or your choice for that matter) to have an affair. Rather, she is supportive of you and your Recovering marriage.

As JL has also said, you have (here's one of those unintended consequences) put her in a most awkward position because she IS married to the brother of the OM. So she HONORS your confidentiality, which IS honorable, by having to choose to "dishonor" her own marriage by keeping a secret from her husband. Since her husband IS the brother of the OM, he falls into the category of someone who has a "need to know." His brother is lying to him directly by telling him "he is mad at you for a practical joke" reason, NOT the real reason. His wife is lying to him by omission, in that she KNOWS the real reason, and her silence is giving tacit "assent" to the OM's lies about why you and he are no longer "friends."

LC, what is happening is that in order to keep your BF's husband "in the dark" is that you are all "protecting" the OM from the consequences of HIS choice to commit adultery. Your BF's husband is NOT his brother. It would not be the first time that family members had differing moral values and Standards, sometimes "polar opposites."

Everyone is making disrespectful judgments FOR your BF's husband.

So, as I see you have two, and only two options of "what to do" about your relationship with your BF.

1. End the friendship. Either because it's what your husband needs(more on that later) or because of the unintended consequences that keeping the affair a secret from her husband is having. She needs to hear THIS is the reason, NOT because she is "associated" with the OM. I have no doubt that she also has an "unintended consequence" as a result of her knowledge and her friendship with you, and that is that she has to "play act" at family gatherings where her brother-in-law is present, because she, and she alone, KNOWS he's a lying scumbag and no one else has been given the opportunity to decide for themselves if a relationship with the OM is "worth it" to them, or how they might respond to the OM's lies (since they don't know that he is lying about a VERY important issue).

2. Your BF needs to be honest with her husband and tell him the truth. If that means that he wants her to sever her relationship with you, then she needs to do that because HER marriage, just like your own marriage, MUST take precedence over any "friendships" that might be detrimental to the marriage.

LC, the other "consequence" of the affair that impacts your recovery is that your husband's feelings MUST supercede your own in areas that directly impact your recovery efforts and your marriage. You have indicated you think you saw a "weight" lifted from his shoulders. I am a big believer in "body language" often betraying what is really going on in someone's mind, even if they won't share what they are thinking.

Therefore, you must POJA this friendship issue, and the issue of the BF's husband being informed about the affair. Your husband's feeling in this area should be the guiding factor in continuing or ending the friendship with your BF. This IS a "marriage issue," and it DOES directly impact your own recovery issue.

I can tell you from personal experience that anything that keeps the affair in the forefront of your husband's thoughts will IMPEDE and HINDER his ability to heal and put the affair behind him. I cannot adequately describe to you the total devastation a wife's adultery has on a husband, but please believe me that recovering both the marriage and the "self" is a monumental task for the Betrayed Husband. You may not understand this, but please believe me that it is true, the affair and anything that triggers memories of the affair and the pain, WILL be on your husband's mind every single day for years to come. THAT is a direct consequence of the affair and is one of the primary reasons why it takes an average of 2 years to recover from an affair. I can tell you that though my own marriage is Recovered and we are over five years from when when we began recovery, TRIGGERS will always exist just like anything can trigger a memory. Anything that causes your husband to "think" there might be something connected to a contact with the OM, will cause the fears to slam into high gear. It takes years of dealing with this FACT to lessen the impact of those triggers and it takes years of "proof" that the fears are NOW unfounded, to reestablish the trust that is sufficient to say, "I can now predict that even when she is out of sight and out of contact with me, she will NOT have any contact with the OM."

That is a direct consequence of the affair that the BS has to live with and that the WS needs to fully understand. ONLY the WS can control their actions, but their actions NOW will say volumes (non-verbal communication) to the husband who needs that reassurance over and over and over again until it is BELIEVED and trust is reestablished. That you have to do so "over and over and over" is also a direct consequence of the affair AND your choice to recover your marriage. Not fun, but necessary.

Thus, whatever is needed to give your husband "peace of mind" in this area is what is NEEDED, even if it has the unintended consequence of "costing you" your relationship with your BF.

Yes, affairs have far reaching consequences, but DEALING with the consequences, ALL of the consequences, is what RECOVERY is all about.

Easy? No. But easy has never been the issue. Recovery IS hard, and it's often hardest on the BS who KNOWS that their own feelings were always subservient to the feelings of WS. So why might your husband seem to "agree" to your desire to maintain your friendship as it is? Because he is afraid. He might not want to admit it to himself, but FEAR is a very real and very present component that a BS must deal with and anything that is seen as having the potential to "reignite" the affair (such as contact) is anathema (way beyond totally unacceptable) to a BS. He may be trying to "heroically" endure this, but you MUST TALK TO HIM about all of this and LISTEN to what he is saying and how he is saying it. IF, and I stress "if," he really doesn't want any contact with anyone even remotely connected to the OM (and the wife of the OM's brother would certainly be "connected" through marriage), then POJA. Without enthusiastic agreement, you don't do whatever can't be enthusiastically agreed to, be it buying a car or maintaining your relationship with your BF.

God bless.

Awesome post FH.

I hope LC is listening.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Thank you everyone for your thoughts.

I should back up a little to help clear up a few things. My H and I did not follow the MB plan because I did not come across this site until this past Jan. I ended the A in Sept 2003 and confessed in Dec 2004. We have been rebuilding since then. I found my way here because, even though we have greatly improved our relationship, I knew my H was down and I came searching for more answers. IOW, I felt I've been doing something wrong that is causing him to feel like he does.

Someone asked about exposure, the only expose was to FOM's W by my H 2 months after I confessed to him. My H was adamant no one else know. My A was over for 15 months before I confessed therefore, my H did not see the need (his choice). We won't even get into the fact FOM and I were still working together and I had had a major mental breakdown. Like I said, we didn't do it the MB way. If only I knew then what I know now.

Like I stated in a previous message, I have checked often with my H to be sure the friendship was not an issue for him. He knows his needs are a priority. He always told me he was perfectly fine with it and showed no signs that it bothered him (until recently).

Here is what happened in the last few weeks which is why I am seeing things differently. As life has it everyone has been very busy and I've not had a lot of time to spend with my BF. For me, there has been a sense of relief. I feel good about everything and I wondered if remaining friends isn't really such a good idea. I mentioned to my H that perhaps it's time to cut ties with her and her H. I mentioned I don't like that there is a small crack FOM has to our life through his brother. (This is where learning about "NC for life" is playing a large role). NC on our end has been firmly in place for 2 years now.

My H's reply to my suggestion to cut ties was that I was being selfish by deciding we are no longer going to be friends with them. I wasn't making a decision, I was asking his opinion and working toward a POJA. He told me they are not only my friends but his as well.

Jump ahead a little and he decided to finally see someone about depression. When he returned from his appointment I asked him if he wanted to share anything with me that he discussed. He told me he told his doc all we do is talk about "it". (It being the A) I was floored because I go out of my way to not talk about anything related to the A. This told me, that although he denies it, the A is on his mind.

I thought long and hard about every conversation we have had recently and the only one I could even think of that he could maybe interpret as A related was from about a month ago. I had gone to visit our oldest DD, who happens to live somewhat near FOM. We were out shopping and I was paranoid I would run into him. (again NC for life kept running through my mind). When I arrived home that day I told him I wasn't comfortable being in that area w/o him there with me because it made me nervous that I would run into FOM and/or his W.

The only other connection I could think of was my BF. I asked my H to please tell me if I bring up a subject he feels is A related because I honestly have no idea what I was saying that lead him to believe all we do it talk about "it". It's been over 2 weeks now and the only thing I have changed about our conversations is I have not, for any reason, brought up my BF. Nothing else had changed in what we talk about. I asked him if I have crossed any lines and he said no. Hmmmmmm, OK there's the link. Remaining friends is doing something to him, now what to do is the question. POJA is the answer, I'm working on that.

As for my BF not telling her H, her reasoning is she does not want to be responsible for causing problems in the family. I have expressed my concern to her that keeping this secret from him is not a good idea and told her perhaps it's time she tell him. She claims she has no problem in keeping the secret. She has a few times brought that sometimes she gets nervous and is afraid we will tell her H about the A or worse yet FOM's elderly parents. I agree we have put her in a very awkward and unfair position. I should mention telling her was my H's idea, partly because he wanted to out FOM to her and partly because he knew her and I could talk about all the aspects etc.

Back to my H. 2 days ago I asked him how he feels now about ending the friendship. He said he no longer even thinks of the friendship. (?) IMO, after what we have and have shared we can't just ignore them. To complicate things they live behind us. They are moving in 2 years once their youngest graduates from HS. I feel we, at the very least, owe them an explanation on why, in the best interest of all of us, we need to cut ties. I also realize my H and I need to POJA this. What I would like to have are suggestions of what I can present to him to see what he would agree to.

Learning about the Giver and Taker has been incredibly helpful in what is going on in our marriage right now. I see how much my H's giver is in the forefront in so many things he does and says. At the same time, my giver is there trying to "fix" the mess I created. Reading about this has explained a lot for me. IMO, his giver is what allowed this friendship to continue as long as it has along with many other things.

I'm not going to contest the fact the friendship needs to end. I know full well it is due to consequences of my actions. Since I've learned about MB's the small window FOM has into our lives bugs me. H claims he doesn't care.

IMO, if we only tell her, her H is yet again in the dark and we will look like total jerks because in his eyes we will be ending a friendship for no reason. If we tell him about the A we are breaking a promise we made to not ever tell him. Or is it best we just wait 2 years, they will move and we simply let things go?

LC, your husband is the one who is in control of what he is comfortable with and what he is not. If he is comfortable with maintaining the relationship, then you have arrived at a POJA on the issue. If he is not, then you have to look to end the relationship.

Obviously, from the additional information you have provided, when they move, the friendship can "die a natural death" due to time and distance constraints.

The whole point is that for your marriage, for your recovery, your husband is "in control" of the recovery process.

There has been nothing you have posted where the OM gained information of any personal nature from this "window" you refer to, but it is a possible thing.

Again, the issue is a joint issue for you and your husband, especially since informing your BF's husband is effectively "not on the table" or possible without also betraying your friend, and it IS her marriage. Even though we may disagree with her decision, it IS also her right to decided what she thinks is best for her marriage.

With respect to your own recovery, it's confirmation of what I was trying to tell you that something related to the affair IS on your husband's mind each day. That is NORMAL and is part of the consequences. He does NOT need an "inquisition" from you at this point, it would seem, because he has a counselor/therapist to talk some of this out with. Remember, talking about emotions and feelings, for most men, including me, is not easy. We just aren't created nor trained that way. You should take heart that he is talking with someone who is supportive rather than keeping his feelings all "bottled up."

Patience, LC, it takes a long time, but he and you and your marriage are worth it.

God bless.

Foreverhers,

Thank you very much for your insight. My H does not like to share his feelings at all. What you have said is very helpful.

The short of it is if my H chooses to do nothing than that is OK, correct?

Edited to add:


You are correct and I'm sure it's just my paranoia. Lately I'm having a tough time shaking the fact FOM use to tell me all the time that he and his brother talked about me, and my H for that matter, and what they said. Of course, as with much of everything else he said to me, he very well could have been FOS.

LC

Jerry, Yes, I am listening and learning. One thing I learned long ago in this process was to really read what is being said, think about it, then read it again because quite often there is more to it than what I saw the first time through. FH's thoughts say a lot.

JL, I am coming up with a plan (you and I talked about that before). I have to remember MB's is about plans. I keep wanting to fix it not make a plan to fix it. I am trying to speak his language when doing a plan and have figured out how to present stuff to him.

Our girls go back to school on the 4th and I already have a few date days set up for us. I'm going to show him how scheduling our recreational time together really isn't a big deal like he thinks it will be. He's afraid to commit to scheduling things for fear if the plans fall through it will cause problems.

Ace, Thanks for asking your question. I checked out the link you provided.

FH, You said to have patience (which made me chuckle when I read it, BTW), I am trying, I am not very good at it though. I didn't sleep well last night because I want to POJA this right here, right now. The problem is my H is on a crazy work schedule and I don't ever want to bring up this stuff when he is working crazy hours. I always figure he has enough to deal with at work and don't want to put anything else on him.

MEDC and MM, Thank you for your thoughts on this, too. Can't go backward, but if I had only thought about how many people would be affected by this I wonder if I would have made different choices.

LC

You're welcome. Glad if it helped.

Ace <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

LC, if I could be so bold, I wonder if you would mind if I shared with you my own sitch involving this sorta very same thing?

My W disclosed to her BF what had occured between her and her former boss. On DDay, she called her BF and asked her to come over to see if she could somehow calm the sitch between me and my FWW during the horible discovery of her betrayal.

She came and did an admirable job of taking two insane people and calming things down. She then went home and revealed to her H what had occured and tried to explain the urgency of being with us.

Upon this revelation, her H immediately forbade his W(my wife's BF) to ever go out alone in public with my W again. See where this is leading?

Chances are, that upon exposure to your BF's H, and considering it heavily involves his Brother, he will be rather furious that he has been kept in the dark about all that has transpired. Your BF may even be told by her H that she is to shun you for your horrible ways.

Yeah, I know, VERY judgemental, but it happens.

The irony in my case, was that unbeknowst to my W's BF's H, his very own W has been involved in a six year long A with another M, that, to my knowledge, he still knows nothing about. Yet in his mind, my W had to wear the scarlet letter on her chest. Pretty ironic huh?

Point is, exposure to your BF's H will have repercusions, but should be done nonetheless. After that, let the chips fall where they may. All part of the consequences of your A.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Jerry,

I always welcome any advice I can get.

I agree 100% with what you said here and she also said in the event he ever finds out he probably would be so embarassed he would indeed end our friendship. Where my problem lies is that it is her choice to not tell him, not mine. I expressed to her numerous times she should share it with him and she refuses.

I promised her I would never tell him, but I also feel she should. I know how unhealthy it is to keep secrets from your spouse. I told her if he finds out years from now he will probably be very upset. She claims "he will never find out." We all know how ugly this could turn out, she doesn't see it.

I sort of feel my hands are tied. Like FH brought up, I know she has had minor problems being in family situations. FOM knows how close her and I are and she said she has felt he "studies" her for signs she knows. If it were up to me I would clue her H in because, to be honest, it bugs the heck out of me that he lied as to the reason our friendship fell apart.

How can I go against her wishes? I don't feel that I should. It's not me telling her not to tell him, it's her choosing not to.

LC

Hi LC,
I hear what your saying and understand the dilema presented to you. I will share some radical thoughts with you, if you alllow me.


His studies are over. Trust me when I say this, he already knows that she knows. What's got him puzzeled now is "why" she hasn't spilled the beans.
This is where my fear lies. Your BF has demonstrated to him that she does not embrace the policy of radical honesty with her H. OM sees this, and is intrigued. See where this is going.

My fear is that your BF does not have the proper boundaries in place, and if you think BIL, predator, will not take full advantage of that, then she is very mistaken. It's how affairs take place in the first place. The failure to protect your weaknesses and have proper boundaries in place.

I'm more concerned for the vunerable place your BF has placed herself at this point. Don't let her fall. Insist she tell her H regardless of the consequences, she doesn't seem to know how detrimental it is to now enthusiatically embrace the policy of radical honesty. Dr H. says if that were in place, there would never be room for an A to take place in the first place. Help you friend understand this.

All Blessings,
Jerry

LC, in an "ideal" world your BF's husband should be informed. However, you find yourself in less than an "ideal" world where there are two people who's "rights" supercede yours, your husband and your BF.

It is NOT our position (or at least not mine) or right to "impose" our opinions or "beliefs" (i.e., exposure) upon someone else. We can state our opinion, the reasons why we hold those opinions, but the decision always rests in the hands of the individual who has to make the choice.

As I said before, if your husband felt that the BF's husband needed to be informed or your relationship with BF ended, then his choice would take precedence. But he has not chosen that venue and, therefore, the "right" to inform or not inform rests with your BF. It is HER marriage.

With respect to the potential for the OM to try to make some move on your BF (referring to his "looking at her"), it is highly unlikely that anything could happen there for two main reasons;

1. She is his brother's wife and crapping in your own family "house" is not what even the most ardent philanderer would choose if "easier" opportunity existed elsewhere, and

2. Your BF knows he is a cheater, and the problems associated with cheating, through her talks with you. My guess is that if he ever did try anything, she would land on him with a ton of bricks and EVERYONE would know. He's too much of a coward to even try.


One last thought on that subject, if they are moving away after graduation, the friendship will either end completely or greatly be diminished by time and geographical distance.



Oh come on LC, let's see a big a smile here because this is so ludicrous to even think about, much less to believe.

Do you REALLY think any of this could have happened? Your BF wouldn't be playing "keep the info from my husband" if there was ANY chance of it being true. Furthermore, do you really think your BF's husband would be "tolerating" all this "alone with my wife" talking between you and her if he already KNEW, because his brother told him, that you had been in an affair with this consummate liar?

And I'll bet he even told you "all the time" that no one could get hurt by adultery because what you has was so "special."

Let's get the barf bags out, not to puke, but to hold over our mouths as we hyperventilate from too much laughing about anything the scumbag used to say to keep control of you!

I agree with Jerry that the H needs to know this information. You are acting in concert in her keeping information from her husband....that is wrong.

FH, I am goin to respectfully disagree with you here.



And all of this is exactly why BF would never cheat. Sounds so very simular to why my W sould never cheat on me, but, alas, she did notheless. I believe (if you will forgive me) that your assumptions are false and misleading to LC and her BF. We need to to go back to why A take place place in the first place. Dr. H is adamant that it is not about unmet E nedds, but rather the WW's failure to protect themselves from their own weaknesses.

I see a weakness here. The BF's inabilty to embrace the policy of radical honesty with her H. Trust me when i tell you, her Bil sees the same weakness. If he is truly a predator, he will do everthing in his power to exploit that. I lived through the same horror. If you choose to belive otherwise, that is your right. As far as I'm concerned, that is very nieve thinking.


All Blessings,
Jerry

agreed!