Kind of an odd question here, but I have made a few posts in the infidelity section and another section about questioning my W's faithfulness as well as "how much is to much," but my w asked for a D last night.

I will be honest in saying I know it is for the best and that I truly feel some sort of burden lifted off my shoulders....I guess. Maybe the sting has not settled in yet. Not even 10 minutes after she brought it up I was laughing with my brother and having a peaceful night with no worries.

My question is, when during a separation (my instance 5-6months) I lost all form of feelings and respect for her for what she has said to me and the way she treated me, but most of it was the lack of reciprocation for me trying so hard. How soon does one move on? I have been out of the "scene" for a hefty 6 years and majority of my youth years in which case I never really mustered up the courage to ask anyone out except for her.

I read wait a year for each year you were married, but, after watching a dieing relationship, I feel it would be best to mingle, and maybe engage in a non serious relationship to maybe instill hope in me that all things happen for a reason and see that there are genuinely good people like what I used to have. For what it is worth, we filed it today at the courthouse mutually and it should take roughly 60 days to be finalized. There could be a chance she wants to reconcile, but my failboat has sailed, and I cant work things out with someone who I do not respect.

Like I said, maybe reality has not settled yet, but, loosing every ounce of respect for someone does not just happen overnight either. What do some of you others feel is best? What have you done? How long did you wait to move on?

i would not date you this soon out of a marriage. you are still too raw.

i waited several months before getting my feet wet and almost a year before dating someone exclusively and that was after, i thought, getting to know them really well for several months before making that decision.

you need alone time and time to be ok alone. i have been alone for a few years so i got to be ok with not being in a relationship and standing on my own two feet.

i dated someone who left his wife and than almost immediately started getting his feet wet in the dating scene. dated exclusively for almost a year and i was happy as could be, and now he is having fears and is not ready to progress further. many reason mitigate this i am sure, but part of it, i think, is he has not had this "alone" time i speak of. there has not been a point since he left his wife almost 2 years ago, that he has truly been alone, no dates, no nothing, just truly alone and being ok with that. that is part of what he needs to do i think.

i had that truly alone time for a long time so i am wayyy past that.

sometimes mingling and dating too soon can cause more heartache than what it is worth. and not necessarily to you, but to the person you are dating. if you are not ready, they are the one who is going to pay for it.

just my opinion
mlhb

this alone time you suggest, is pretty much the entire separation? she moved out nearly 6 months ago, and while we talked once or twice everyday, we only saw eachother maybe once a week at best. We had no physical contact or anything of that nature, and our longest held conversation was a mere 12-15 minutes at best as well. I have stayed in my home alone everyday and night for a long time now.

I guess what it boils down to is if I were ready, would I sit here and question others whether it is to soon or not? I think not.

Hi there - here is my two cents......

I don't buy the "wait a year for each year you were married" because if I did that, I wouldn't have dated for 12 years after my divorce......

I started dating four months after my divorce was final. Was I ready to date? I will tell you that yes, I was ready - and this is why. I had a very, very dysfunctional marriage, and I was alone in my marriage anyway. After years of trying to make things work, I emotionally divorced my husband long before I made it legal. So, in actuality, the day I stood before a judge was just a technicality. I had grieved my marriage for YEARS prior to divorce day. I wasn't raw, I wasn't in mourning - I already had lived through that........

Now, I didn't even think of any type of serious relationship that soon after my divorce, but I didn't feel that I had to sit home alone either. I was "alone" pretty much in my marriage anyway. Some will disagree with this - and that's OK, I respect that.

The moral of my story here is this (and again, this is my two cents) - you and only you know when you are ready to start dating again...........

Laura

I feel pretty much dead on with you here. I spent a lot of my time trying to mend an already broken marriage and let go, started to take my own happiness into consideration. I no without a doubt that i am not ready for anything serious, but I do feel near ready personally. Not ready yet, but soon surely.