Thought these were pretty funny and that you would enjoy them. Hope all
is well.


Subject: Quotes From Church Bulletines
The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.

> The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
tonight: "Searching for Jesus."



> Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.


> Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale! It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.


> The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
conflict.


> Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. And say "******" to someone who doesn't
care much about you.


> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.


> Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.


> For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.


> Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.


> The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."



> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.


> A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
******?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.


> Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
> several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.



> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.



> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.



> The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer
and medication to follow.


> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
> may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------


> This evening at 7 p.m., there will be a hymn singing in the park
across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.



> Ladie's Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All
ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is
done.



> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.



> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use
the back door.



> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.


> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.


> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours

Thanks for the laugh MEDC.