Yesterday I had a car accident. Brakes locked, skidded into a pickup with a steel pipe bumper. Nissan front end totaled, all plastic & styrofoam. Husband mad, blames me. No injuries, just a bruise. Told me that it's not just not getting ahead with me, I keep us from getting caught up. We have full coverage, car will be paid off.

He didn't speak to me the rest of the day. I didn't try to talk to him, thought I'd let him cool off. I went to bed early because I was a little sore. He slept on the couch. This morning, he got up. Wouldn't look at or speak to me. I asked him if he was gonna talk to me, no answer. I asked if he would at least look at me, no answer. I walked off, said nothing more. He left a note on the kitchen board & then left. Note said "As far as I'm concerned you don't exist." He came back & I saw him looking at me through the kitchen window as he drove up. I wouldn't look at or speak to him when he came in.

What should I do?? Wait to see if he gets better?? He called me a jacka$$, said I always do this to him. I didn't want to have a wreck. But I told my daughter that maybe this was God's way of getting me out of my car payment, which I can barely afford. DD#2 wants me to take up her car payments & let her get something else.

I know that on 8-14 we went back to square one in withdrawal, NC broken by him. He is telling everyone that wreck is last straw, he can't wait to sell the house & end this marriage. Anyone think this could be because of withdrawal??

I did hit someone, they suddenly stopped in front of me, I hit my brakes, they locked up & I kept sliding. Ticket was for failure to control speed under the speed limit. Cop said he could tell I was not speeding & not following too close. I remember that the impact was not real hard, bruise proves that.

I'm feeling really down. Called my MIL this morning, crying so hard I could barely talk because of the note on the board. She calmed me down, told me she was gonna call & try to talk to him. That he needed counseling even though he won't go. (his dr. said because of provider/protector instinct in men, they don't want to admit to illness or that they need help in any way that makes them look weak. MIL said the same today.

Thanks for listening.

Do I understand this correctly that he is angry at you for an accident? If so, how would you explain such a bizarre reaction?

Mel, you know the ADDICT...like a CRACKHEAD..Justification/rationalization for continuation of his affair...

They are IDIOTS..and INSANE...

It's hard to ACCEPT and REALIZE..but TRUE of them WAYWARDS...

She said that he recently resumed CONTACT...

IT'S SO AWFUL...

LOST:

Of course, you are under a lot of stress and at high risk for car accidents and all sorts of things...

First and foremost, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF and IGNORE WHAT HE SAYS...IGNORE HIM..IGNORE HIM...

so, He's wayward. He's messed up your sanity. You don't actually do anything wrong (that's why they are called accidents) and then you are at fault for his financial concerns.
Where are the 6 x 6's so I can pound on him.
As Mimi said, take care of yourself. We do need to be as vigilant as possible because they have totaly screwed up our emotions and thinking, but that doesn't make you faulty, that is his. Ignore this behavior.

More important than the car, you are okay and so is the other driver????

FTS

Lost,

Your WH is out of his mind with an addiction. Please don't take anything he has to say serious or to heart, he's a full blown crack addict.

A cheating spouse has low to nil normal reactions to things they typically would be very concerned with. I've experienced and seen them be brutally indifferent with betrayed spouses who are fighting cancer, are pregnant, in mourning over the loss of loved ones, and even car accidents where their spouse could have been mamed or worse.

Please don't take what he is saying personal. Just look at him as a crack addict who is focusing on nothing else but his selfish fix.

I'm glad you're okay and weren't hurt hon.

Jo

Everyone,

Yes, I am ok & the other driver is perfect. Not a scratch on his big bumper. I have a bruise on my left shoulder from the seatbelt, looks like a walked into a door. I'm a little sore but not as much as I expected. We were both going under 45 mph. I was almost 2 car lengths behind when I hit the brakes. They squealed & I kept sliding. I remember thinking, Please God don't let me hit him just before impact, which IMO was not very hard. Plastic car = major damage. Grill is pushed into the radiator & everything else is pushed up against the motor. Didn't even damage the front tires or axle. Then I remember choking on the airbag dust, couldn't find the seatbelt button because of it, & feeling a little like the air had been knocked out of me. I was on an outside lane, heavy traffic & no way to avoid.

In the past he has gotten mad about my accidents & wouldn't speak to me for the rest of the day. By the next morning, he would be making jokes about it. This is the first time he has ever told me I don't exist. I told my MIL that also. He has even gone so far as to call my DD#2 after he passed us on our way home (he was going to get parts for his truck), ask where she was going & was she alone. He saw me get in her truck to leave & I know he saw me in the car when he passed. He is really taking it to the extreme right now. Never been like this before. He did it again after he got home. Talked to her like I don't exist.

I know that getting another car will be hard, but my payments were high enough that I was really struggling to pay them & I was behind. I pay my car & groceries since he's came home. I really feel like God was getting me out of the payments, giving me the opportunity to take DD#2's payments so she could get something she is better able to afford. Our insurance will go down with that car off of it.

I talked to MIL again. I promised him I won't ask him to leave again & I haven't, even though I've been tempted. I asked her to suggest to him that he move the camper to her place for a while, suggest that we need to separate. I told her that if he did that, I would have NC with him, whatsoever. No phone, no visits, etc. That way he could still make the house payment & other bills until the house sells but won't pay $400 rent on a park, just a little electricity & water to her. And it would be his idea to leave. He told me the other day he won't move the rest of his clothes in the house because he's waiting for me to kick him out again. I told him that if he left again, it would be his choice, not mine, I will not ask him to leave again. I told MIL that he was only gone a month before & didn't really have time to find out what it would really be like without me.

I guess this is just because of withdrawal. We're almost 2 weeks in to the beginning of it again. It seems to be taking a lifetime to get past this.

And to think, this man told the doctor yesterday that I would be staying in the room for his complete physical, including prostate exam!!!! Not that that's unusual for us, he has been to my pelvic exams before, but not in a long time. For some reason, he felt more comfortable with my doctor after he went through that with me.

Sorry for the long post. I'm feeling a little sorry for myself right now. I keep telling myself it's not my DH, it's an alien, that he doesn't really mean what he's saying. And most of me believes that. But the note this morning still hurt really bad. I started crying the minute I read it & couldn't stop for about 30 minutes.

Thanks everyone, for listening, for the care, concern & prayers.

Thank goodness you are okay. Your hubby is behaving like an [censored]. Ignore him, and go do something nice for yourself.

Thanks, believer, I think I will. Today, I'm mostly gonna rest, do some sewing I need to do & heal from the trauma. I'm still pretty shook up.

I had planned to go camping next weekend, he will be out of town on his yearly trip with his BFs. May not get to now since he probably won't move the camper to the park for me. And I was really looking forward to it, too!! Oh well!

Lost, why is he there, then?

He is not in withdrawal, in my opinion, he is in full-blown Wayward Spouse mentality.

Are you sure you want to remain married, because it's going to involve a lot more gross disrespect from him before he may reach the point where he wants to at least try to recover your marriage.

In the meantime, why don't you ask him of he really meant that you don't exist to him.

If the answer is "yes," stop doing his laundry, cooking his meals, etc. It will be HIS choice as to what to do next, begin to work on the marriage or to leave.

But this total disrespect has to stop and you are the only one who can stop it. The issue is one of "Boundaries" and if you have a boundary, you also attach the "penalty" that is the consequence of someone who chooses to violate your Boundary.

As it is right now, there is little to work with. You can continue with Plan A, but there seems to be a much more deeper anger issue that he has, and that is HIS issue, and one that he is unlikely to change or be able to deal with without some professional counseling in anger management.

Remember, too, that the "conditions" for recovery with a Wayward Spouse are set by the Betrayed Spouse. Failure to comply with the conditions is grounds for no more recovery attempts until he chooses to meet them. Mandatory counseling, for example, is one of those conditions. In some cases it might not be necessary, but it is quite evident in your case that it is needed.

God bless.

I agree with this that FH says..



And this...



Yep...you have a LONG HARD ROAD AHEAD OF YOU...in order to RECOVER your marriage...

But...



This I don't agree with with...


His answer will be YES..that he meant it..I can tell you without you asking him...

And by you RESPONDING to his WORDS in any way..you are playing right into his hands..

That's EXACTLY what he wants you to do...for more JUSTIFICATION and RATIONALIZATION of his affair in his crazy, addicted mind...

It's best to IGNORE HIM..

As JO has SO BRILLIANTLY stated..HE IS BEING A NORMAL WAYWARD, IMO..nothing SPECIAL about HIM...

As CRAZY and IDIOTIC as my H once was..he said similar stuff to me or even WORSE...

Sad to say, I'm sure at times that he wished that I was DEAD..if I would disappear, how easy to carry on with the HO, HIS TRUE LOVE..without guilt, shame or conflict..YUCK...

I held my head high, carried on with my wifely duties, did PLAN A and IGNORED HIM...as best I could...I did have my moments...went out for long drives..I don't think you should use that option... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />..laughter is great medicine...

For a WS..ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS...

You can't force him to do anything...

You can only take control of YOURSELF..take good care of YOURSELF...

I went on strike once.

It wasn't easy.

My then 7 year old daughter had no clothes to wear, because "strike" meant I did no laundry until the family agreed to HELP me do some things around the house.

As soon as someone helped me, I would agree to help them. The first person to "crack" was the 7 year old.

She carried her clothes to the washer, put them in, added detergent, and started it - she figured it out by reading the instructions inside the lid of the machine.

I started helping her with her needs again. I was off strike for her. The rest of them soon followed suit.


My point is that there has to be a Stick to the Plan A.



Maybe you can just say that you heard what he said, that you don't exist to him, and you want to know exactly how he wants that to work as far as living together goes.

Let him spell out his plans.

Then maybe take it a little more literal than he planned....go a bit harder than he planned, but nicely. Just think Carrot and Stick.

Hang in there.

Mimi's the expert on this sort of thing, so I'd tend to defer to her. If you think his gross rudeness needs to be addressed in some way, why not just ask him if he wants you stop cooking and cleaning for him since you don't exist and he can fend for himself in those areas too.

This behavior, in my opinion, and that's all that it is, my opinion, must be confronted in love, not simply ignored.

He needs to know you heard him and that you are willing to be "nonexistant" to him if that is what he really wants.

I don't see him changing without a "crisis" happening first where he has to CHOOSE.

But you know him and yourself best, so evaluate the opinions offered and decide what may best apply to you and your husband.

God bless.

Thanks FH & Mimi

Mimi,

You are TOTALLY right about the road I have to go down. But right now, I still love him. I already mentioned to DD#1 that since I don't exist, maybe I oughta stop cleaning the house. She said "Now, Mom, you don't want to start doing that. More trouble than it's worth." She was right. So I'll keep on with what I'm doing for myself.

He just came in & fixed a sandwich & ate. He put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher, like I have asked him to, instead of in the sink. I caught him looking at me once, I'm sitting in the dining room sewing in full view of the kitchen (DR & K are one open area). I noticed he kept staring at the board he had put his note on. Under his note I wrote "Sorry you feel that way. I'm still breathing." He kept staring at it off & on until he finished eating. Other than that, no response from me at all. The silence in this house is deafening since we aren't speaking to each other. I AM going to ignore him. This is something new for him, he's never been this way before, not this mad. In the past, he was mostly upset, not really mad, because I could've been hurt & he was relieved I wasn't. The IC told our girls this morning, "Anger is easier to grab onto, especially for men, than to let it show that they are scared, upset, worried, etc." She's probably partly right. Provider/protector kicking in.

His mother told me he is the one who needs counseling even though he won't admit it. He knows he has anger issues, but at this time, he don't want to work on them. I can't make him. Like the Prozac, it has to be his idea.

At least he looked at me, something he hadn't done so far today. I've chewed a hole in my cheek so I will keep my mouth shut. I keep saying "ignore him, out of his mind, don't take it personal."

I will admit the first note I put up there said "Would you have told OW this if she had done the same thing." I erased it before anyone saw it. Just had to get it out of my head. Of course I wouldn't say that to her, he would say, I'm not married to her & I'm not responsible for her car. Sometimes writing it down & then erasing it or throwing it away, helps me get things out of my system so they don't come out of my mouth!!

Hi Lost:

I was just coming in to say..

Well, OK, a response..but not a response on HIS LEVEL...

Speak your own truth.. WTTH ASSERTIVENESS AND CONVICTION..."it's hurts me to hear that I don't exist for you...

And YES..why lower your standards FOR HIM..

And..isn't one of HIS NEEDS for you to do better at HOUSECLEANING, etc...



WONDERFUL!! YOU GO, GIRL!!!



EXACTLY!! I agree with this....



GREAT!!! I used to do the SAME....YOU CAN DEFINITELY CONTROL YOUR MIND, LOST!!!

Keep this up..you are doing so much better than when I first checked into your situation...

Do me a favor, stick to this thread, OK?

Remember, my middle aged brain???

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Hi, mimi (that's what my girls call my mother)

I started the new thread because of the wreck. I probably won't go back to the other. One of these days, when I figure out how, I'm gonna link my other thread so people can read it, if they need to.

Yes, so far, I've figured out that housecleaning is one of his needs. But, I'm not doing it for him because now that I've found someone who can teach me ways to keep it to a minimum & still look great, I don't want to stop. I've found I like waking up to an empty sink, clean dishes & a orderly kitchen counter. I like putting all dirty dishes in the washer until I need to run it, taking out handwash stuff then & getting it all done & put away. I have NEVER been wild about housekeeping. Always had other things I wanted to do. I'm getting better at it every day. Even got up out of bed the other night because I remembered I'd left my dishes on the counter when I got distracted by my doxies. Six months ago I wouldn't have done that, just left it til morning.<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

The notes haven't been erased & I won't be the one to erase them. I want him to see them & stew on them awhile.

As for your middle aged brain. Oh brother, I have one too
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I catch myself having senior moments more often than not. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Sucks to get older sometimes, huh????

Thanks, mimi, for all your encouragement, good thoughts & cheerleading you do for me. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it & what I'm getting from everyone else. Having someone who understands really helps!!!!

Dear Lost,

I am sorry for your accident and his behavior is inexcusable.

IMHO, I agree with FH about NOT doing his laundry and stuff. He says you mean nothing for him then he ought to get a taste of what that is like. Putting his dishes in the dishwasher is what he needs t/d for himself anyway. He gets NO kudos for that act.

Yet you are still in trauma from that accident and w/b for a while. So if he can't meet your REAL needs of care and comfort, do the next best thing. Share your story with your friend, neighbors, co-workers and relatives....even the mailman....the point is expose....yep expose this incident so you can get some help. It won't be the same as if he was to help you but it is help nonetheless so do the best with what is given.

The effect? He will say you are making him look bad. Are you? No, he is. You notified people who care and THAT you can let him know. Seems he doesn't care so you stopped letting him know. Let your supporters know so they can lend a hand. When they do, be gracious and accept it.

You can use this very serious incident to make your point without saying a word. When he yells at you....just look at him and say your condition warrants your NOT hear his babble at this time. Then either ask him to leave or you remove yourself from that area. He can't be everywhere so just move to another part of the house.

It may infuriate him. If it does, you know the WS is still around. Tell the WS to leave and go be with people who likes t/b hurtful as he is being to his FAMILY. Yes, not just you but his family. Present all interaction as a FAMILY thing. You and the children are 1 package.

take care,
L.

Thanks, Orchid!!

My girls are helping me a great deal. The oldest came to the accident site & was given the rest of the day off to help me out. We ran my errands & she brought me home. WH wouldn't speak to her either. But earlier, when he showed up at the scene, he started yelling at me & she told him I didn't do it on purpose, it was an accident. He said "Shut up, Tasha." She looked him in the eye & said "Dad, don't tell me to shut up. I don't have to!!" I was very proud of her. She hasn't been able to do that in the past.

Thursday night, he got upset with me about a room in our house we don't use often. We've been storing things there since DD#1 moved out. We needed to clean it up because people were supposed to come look at buying our house yesterday evening. He started saying mean stuff. I looked at him & said "It's nice to hurt people & not even care or feel bad about it, isn't it?" I turned around & left the room. He did look shame-faced when I left.

Well, another day & we'll see how the night goes. I'm hooking satellite back up in DD#2 room so I can watch the movie about Princess Di that comes on tonight.

Thanks for the support.

Dear Lost,

Glad your daughter is there for you and you were right to let him know you are aware he is being a jerk. Very good reverse babbling, there!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Out here there was a recent incident where a H & W were coming home from a family get together (I think). She was driving and her H was the passenger. There was a major disagreement and in the H's infinite wisdom, he decided to commandeer the wheel while they were driving down the highway. So what happened was the car went out of control and flipped. The W (driver) was thrown from the car and in this one of her arms was severed. She was asking her H for help and the dummazz thought it was better to stand there and yell at her infront of people who stopped to helped, police and paramedics. The emergency crew told the reporters the H was acting weird. Does that sound like a WS or what? She was in shock and it took a few days for her to come out of the hospital but later when he was arraigned in court she was by his side, holding his hand. Geeze!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

There didn't seem t/b any remorse on his side but I haven't seen all the news on it. He acted like a WS but there was no mention of an A. Still he was a class A jerk. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

So just letting you know there are other weirdo's out in this world. You can let your WS know his antics run in the stupid league as the one in Hawaii that cost his wife her arm. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

L.

WOW! Sorry about the accident, very glad that you're ok.

I'm also glad that you decided to keep up on the house, etc. You're doing good, keep it up.

I totally disagree with the "strike" concept. I think that he's trying to force you to give him a reason to justify his beavior. He wants an excuse that makes his A and leaving more acceptable. This accident is easy to grab and convenient, and if it wasn't this, then it would be something else.

I think that your job, right now, is to take away all those reasons he's trying to make you give him. I think you are still in the stage of showing him that YOU are a great wife, great partner and that you do the right thing, regardless of whatever excuse you have to do the wrong thing. And while I agree that his [censored] behavior right now qualifies as a great excuse -- I also think that you have to choose your own behavior and not sink to his level.

He chooses to be a jerk who ignores his injured spouse after a car accident and tells her she is "dead to him" .... Ok, that's his choice. He's a Jerk. YOU are not that kind of person. YOU do not ignore people that you love. YOU keep up plan A and YOU behave appropriately even when he won't.


That doesn't mean you lay down and take it, you're not a doormat. I think your response to his note was great. And I'm glad you said something when he was being nasty about the room (maybe a little bit of a DJ in there, and there's probably a better way to word it, but it's much easier to wordsmith those things from across a computer and not in the heat of the moment). Those are the things I think you should keep up.

But the not speaking to him or acknowledging him .... that's just playing his game. Remember, you're trying to remind him of how great it can be. And a tit-for-tat, if you won't speak to me, then I won't speak to you kind of arrangement isn't going to appear all that "great" to him.

Also, you promised that you wouldn't ask him to move out anymore ... trying to have his mother do it for you, instead isn't really keeping that promise, is it? This whole business about trying to get him to move out and miss you is a sort of reach for Plan B. If you're ready for Plan B, then do a real Plan B. Until then, you're in Plan A and you don't flip-flop between plans based on the level of his jerk-ness that day.


Since the financial issue has been huge to him for a long time, I suggest you move quickly to get the logistics of this acident figured out and taken care of. Call the insurance company right away, find out what the true financial impact will be. If they don't total the car, then you may be in trouble and end up having to pay your deductible so that they will repair the car. Are you upside down in the car? Can you sell it, damaged, to some company for cheap, and still pay off the loan on it, with the money from the insurance settlement?

You might have to come up with some creative ways to handle things. Then show him what you've come up with. Take some initiative to make this not cost as much as he thinks it will.

I am not saying this wreck was your fault, I'm not saying he's right in blaming you for it, or that it's ok for him to go over the deep end like he has in reaction to this. I'm not even saying that it should be your job to figure all this insurance and financial stuff out. I just think that it would be a very good way to show him that you CAN do it, and that you can and will help with the financial issues (and meet his other EN's, like the great wife that you are), even when he wants to be an a$$.


I also think it would be smart for you to have a few very lighthearted, meaningless stories to tell or things to talk about -- that you can just talk about to yourself -- on-hand for when he's giving you the silent treatment. So when he's standing 10 feet away from you trying to pretend like you're not there (like when he was eating his sandwich while you were sewing), you're not stuck trying to figure out what to do. Start talking about what you're doing, a news story you heard, a friend you saw, plans that you're making. He doesn't have to get involved and won't answer questions (so don't ask), but at least it's not a showdown, either, where whoever can stay quiet and mad the longest, wins. It'd be great if your conversations could also remind him of some happier times .....

"I saw a story on the news about that lake we used to go camping at. It reminded me of when we took the camper up there and we caught all those fish..... etc." Nothing heavy or hard, doesn't even matter if he's listening. You're just making friendly conversation because there is someone else in the room and it's polite to do. And YOU are polite and pleasant to be around and smart and witty and fun -- regardless of his mood.

That's my opinion .... but Mel and PM and Orchid and others who advocated the "strike" have been here a long time before me .... and they are probably a lot better at the whole boundary thing than I am.

-AmI.

AmI,

Today will be day 3 since the accident & he's still treating me like I don't exist. It's very, um, unnerving? to be in Plan B when I don't want to be. He is really going out of his way to pretend I don't exist. He told a friend about my wreck & they said he's very angry. He's ignored me before for a short time, like until he slept on it, but never frozen me out like this before. Our house is so silent. He even talks to our girls like I don't exist.

Yesterday, I did my first 8 hours of community service for a ticket that's his fault. The ticket was for the trailer tags on the boat trailer being out. Since I was the one pulling the boat out of the water when the park ranger saw it, I'm the one he ticketed. I asked my WH to give me the money to get the new ones. He refused, saying he didn't have the money (he has more than he'll admit to in his account). If they'd been re-newed within 10 days of the ticket, the fine would've been dismissed. Since he waited almost 20 days, they hit me with a $140 fine. He said he would pay it, but he just couldn't seem to come up with the money. I called the judge, she said jail or community service. I took the community service. I do it at the state park near my home, 8 hours at a time. And it's hard work. He never called me or said anything to me. When he lost his keys, he called DD#1 to ask if she'd talked to me, wanting her to call & ask where my keys were to the car he drives to work. She called me, I told her I didn't know if they're in the wrecked car or in my purse at home. He was yelling at her & being a complete a$$. By the time she called him back, he'd found his. He'd also called DD#2 to see where she was & he blew his stack when she told him I was driving her pickup so I could get my community service done. He told her she needed to tell me no about driving her truck & was she just gonna let me wreck it. Mind you, I haven't had an accident in over 10 years, so this isn't something I just do all the time. She told him it was her truck (it's in her name), she's not gonna leave me stranded no matter what he said, & that I wouldn't wreck it. Both DD's told him I was doing community service. This morning, as he was leaving for work, I saw him looking at the paperwork that was signed off on showing the hours I worked yesterday. I'm more sore from the work I did yesterday than from the wreck!!!!! When I got home, I didn't speak to him & he didn't acknowledge my presence, even when I walked outside with DD#2 right in front of him talking to her. He spoke to her only & refused to look at me. Stood to one side of her door to talk to her so he wouldn't see me.

This morning, when he got up for work, he came in the bedroom to get his socks, etc. I watched him out of one eye. He looked at me once or twice, or seemed to but then looked quickly away, like maybe he saw me watching. I do my best to act normal around him other than no talking to him. I caught him looking at me Saturday night when I was standing in DD#2's room, getting ready to watch the Princess Di movie. When I looked at him, he immediately looked away. It's very hard to handle. I've never felt this way before & I don't understand feeling like I'm in Plan B while we're still living in the same house. One good thing, I guess, is he's sleeping on the couch & hasn't moved into the camper. I half expected he would yesterday. I guess I'm trying to look for anything positive in this. I just go about my life as if nothing's wrong. I didn't get up with him this morning, but I'm very sore after yesterday. I just didn't have the strength. I was on my feet nearly the whole 8 hours, cleaning bathrooms & cabins, pruning brush, picking up trash in the heat. Not asking for sympathy, just stating the facts, ma'am. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I won't do the strike thing but not sure how to handle the rest. I've continued cleaning up, doing my usual & making sure things are done, like fresh tea in the fridge for everyone to drink. I wonder if he is so angry because of the financial sitch we're in. I feel like the accident is God's way of getting me out of a payment I was having a hard time making. I'd gotten behind while he was gone in May & I haven't been able to get caught up, just doing enough to keep it from getting repo'd. Financially, this will help things some. If I take over DD's payments on her truck & she gets something she can more easily afford, my payment will be cut pretty much in half. And the insurance on my car will be off the bill. And I like her truck better than she does!! I'm looking for all the positives in this sitch & he's only seeing negative. Like I said, I haven't had an accident in more than 10 years. And I loved my car so I didn't want to wreck it!

I find it kinda funny that I catch him watching me. It's almost comical the way he acts when he's caught.

My DD#1 & I discussed it & she agreed that I needed to handle the whole insurance thing myself, with no help from him. I called the insurance co. 2 hours after it happened & opened a claim. They say they will pay tow charges & even a rental car, if I need one. My mother works at the credit union where my car is financed. She thinks that maybe there is additional loan insurance that will pay anything my insurance doesn't pay, in the event my car is totaled. They usually have that built into their loans. I hope so. I took care of the tow truck & today, I get the accident report from the police. I figured if I handled the whole thing, he can't say I'm too dumb to take care of it. I thought I might sell the car for parts after the insurance does their part. Might be able to make more that way than selling it to a junk yard. Ebay may be the way to go for that.

Saturday morning, when I asked him if he was gonna talk to or look at me, after seeing his note, I cried. I couldn't help it. I was so overwhelmed by his actions.

I'll try your suggestions of talking in front of him. It may help or not. I've not tried to talk to him because I thought maybe if I did as he wanted & ignored him, it would get better. I thought it would be better yesterday, but apparently not.

I'll keep updating everyone as this plays out. I thought that maybe things were getting better, he's been home 3 months, until he contacted OW on 8-14. He'd been talking about future plans, things we'd do together, etc. But not since the 14th. Sometimes I feel it's 2 steps forward & 3 steps back.