I started plan A about 1 year ago, things were fine husband was responding well. When I suggested rebuilding he said he has no plan of ever coming back. This July I started plan B, it is now almost 2months and no change in him. My FIL just told me tonight that nothing is different with my H, he is still seeing OP he thinks. FIL said H does not say anything to his mother. He comes home walks in house goes in his room. He eats goes back out,comes back an hour later goes back in room, leaves again comes back goes to sleep. Nothing has changed. FIL said he does think H is spending to much time with OW, he has been working alot. BIG DEAL.

What I want to know is how can a good man/father married 19years walk away from his home and whole family (he doesn't even speak to his mother even though he is living in her home).

He left us to be with a needy person with kids. She lives in a low income apartment in a very bad area of NY. Not that I am passing a comment but she could apply for the role of One of the (Geico Cavemen)with no problem.

My H is a very good looking man, Not in a million years I would have thought he would leave a home and family for someone like her.

It is very hard for me on plan B, I miss him. I think about him with her and it hurts, I want him to wake up and realize what is going on.

JoCee

JoCee,

So sorry you are in this sitch! I, too, am battling to do a goo Plan b. It is not easy, is it?

Did you really Plan A for an entire year?? That is amazing.

It is VERY hard to let go, to not think about what WS is up to, to wonder what it is about the OW that attracts them. But, Plan B has to be about getting off that rollercoaster.

As I sai, I am struggling with the same thing.

One thing I can tell you is that you can not compare yourself to the OW. It is a fruitless use of your time. I have heard so often here how the OP is so opposite sometimes from the BS. I don't get itN and long ago quit trying.

Supposedly my WH has ended it with the Ho, but he has no interest in me. In fact, I believe he had a date tonight, so is moving on perhaps again. I have been sitting here trying to NOT think about that. Hard hard hard!

What things are you doing to stay busy? What things are you doing for yourself?
That is how we need to keep from the thoughts of our WS.

Hang in there!

I have been doing alot to keep myself busy. I am in nursing school full time. I worked over the summer in a hospital. Doing work on my house. And raising a 18year old boy. I may have done plan A longer than a year because my H was coming to my home for about a year 2-3x weekly.

Then all of a sudden in March this year, I felt a change in him again, distant. I knew right away the Ho was back in his life again. When I asked him about rebuilding he said he has no plan of rebuilding he is happy being single. I asked him if he was in a relationship, the look on his face told me he was. I told him to stay in your relationship I did not want to be sloppy seconds. Contact with him started to dwindle. July 1 (his b-day) he came over to give me my C-S-check, he said the only thing between us is our son. My son has not spoken to his father in 6 months -he has no feelings for his father as long as he continues the lifestyle with this Ho.

July 28 was the 5th year anniversary of the death of my daughter. I seen his P# on my caller ID. He didn't leave a message and didn't acknowledge the day.

August 18 was her birthday and the same senario.

I wrote him a letter in July and told him not to contact me. He made it perfectly clear that he was happy being single. I told him that he is not the man I fell in love with. I don't know who he is he is a stranger in H's body. I told him have a good life.

My H is 44 years, I am 50 the Ho is about 47-48. My H has abandoned his whole life and family, nobody wants him with this Ho, he told my FIL " don't tell me what to do". He does not live with Ho, he lives at his mothers house sleeping on a couch (since he left me & son in 04). I told my FIL he has it good, rent free, free food, and his clothes are washed. He has no responsibilities, he does whatever he wants, when he wants.

That is why I had to stop the game.

He wanted a D, he filed in 04 went through the D proceedure D was supposedly granted. My attorney called last month and asked if I ever recieved the Divorce Decree. I said no, he called H's attorney (the jerk never filed it with the court) That was back in June still no papers. I am still married to him, H continues thinking he is Single.

Every night I pray that he will come out of the fog and become the man I knew not the evil alien he is now. Even if we never get back together, if he was to come out of the fog maybe he will be my best friend again.

JoCee