I just found out 3 days ago that me spouse is having a relationship with another woman. (Who he sees regularly through his social circles.) They both say they are good friends and nothing physical happened. I don't think I believe that - not that I don't want to.

The worst part is the way I found out - the woman's husband came to my door when I was about to have dinner with my kids. My husband was playing in his golf league - and this guy new it. The woman's husband is a known troublemaker, which makes this even more confusing. I have so many questions - and few answers.

My husband swears that he loves me and wants to make our marriage work. He cried, which rarely happens. It's taken some convincing to make him understand - physical or not - this is sooo painful. He gave her what I have been begging for for many years... time, attention, fun, his emotions.

I am so angry I can't even begin to describe it.

I want him to tell her he can no longer see her. He says that would be too difficult because they see each other places he goes. (I know he's in the bargaining stage) I say stop going! He's not ready to give that up, so I told him to leave. I can't always be worrying about where he is...I will anyway, but I can't deal with him here right now. He is gone now, but I wouldn't be surprised if he came back. He does say he will go to a counselor. I think he needs to hear it from a third party that this is the right thing to do (not see her). I wish it were enough that I need it.

The last few days I can barely function - I go from anger/rage to pure depression in minutes.

I hope I'm not alone.

You're not alone. Keep the affair on the ropes and tell his parents and close friends that would be in a position to pressure him to end his affair.

Now you also need to focus on what emotional needs you weren't meeting and focus on meeting those that he will let you meet while avoiding love busters.

His mom and step-dad know. He avoids the people who would give the "right" advice.

I also worry that he will say the right thing - but continue their relationship.

Don't allow him to. It's either you or her. You need to be strong, stand up to him, and not allow him to stay friends with her. If he tries to, his @ss is out on the curb. Let him know that it isn't negotiable. Keep a close eye on him so he doesn't try and take it further underground. If he does, you know what to do.

I completely understand where you are coming from and what you are feeling. I'm new here to (great place but never thought I'd be here) so I don't have enough experience to give you what I'd consider "proper" advice, but it sounds like YOU are on the right track.

You are on an emotional rollercoaster, changing like the wind. Counseling is a great idea, however as I found out it has to be the RIGHT counselor. I went to see a counselor by myself a few times. I was very unsure if she was the right one for us and as it turned out I don't think so because, it was suggested H come alone and we'd see about couple counseling after that. His session was NOT right for him...nor from what he told me going in the right direction. He may have gained a few insights like asking for forgiveness, being more attentive but the other things he told me about were not in my opinion going right. I didn't tell him that just let him make his own decision on it.

Do you have a family doc that you feel you can talk to? They are a GREAT source for counseling referrals, and also at least mine was a great source of comfort in confirming my feelings were/are quite normal.

You said "My husband swears that he loves me and wants to make our marriage work. He cried, which rarely happens. It's taken some convincing to make him understand - physical or not - this is sooo painful. He gave her what I have been begging for for many years... time, attention, fun, his emotions.

I am so angry I can't even begin to describe it."

I heard the SAME thing almost a month ago. I hope you find some peace as you deal with this tragedy.

Price, you are NOT alone, not on MB.

That your husband wants to stay married to you and has agreed to counseling are good things.

But one thing you CANNOT waiver on is the Contact issue. The "line" has been crossed and there can never be going back to "just friends."

He WILL try to hem and haw on this, to waffle, to find ratinaliztions like "social contact," etc. Here is the bottom line, there is NO room in any marriage for a 3rd person. Anything that gets in the way of that goes.

A consequence of his infidelity is that things he used to do, things he used to watch, things he used to listen to, etc, have to GO if there is ANY chance of contact with this woman. Furthermore, he owes it not only to you but to this woman's husband, even IF he is a jerk (remember the OW will be telling your husband just how "terrible" her husband is, so consider the source).

Another "bottom line" is that your husband has to choose. He has to choose you, or anything or anyone else, but NOT both. That's what being married means...."forsaking ALL others and keeping myself ONLY unto you, until death do we part."

Stand your ground.

God bless.

Your conversation should go like this:

WS:

It will be hard for me to not see the OP.

You:

It will be hard for me to stay married to you.

Also, invest in a key logger.