I just found out 3 days ago that me spouse is having a relationship with another woman. (Who he sees regularly through his social circles.) They both say they are good friends and nothing physical happened. I don't think I believe that - not that I don't want to.

The worst part is the way I found out - the woman's husband came to my door when I was about to have dinner with my kids. My husband was playing in his golf league - and this guy new it. The woman's husband is a known troublemaker, which makes this even more confusing. I have so many questions - and few answers.

My husband swears that he loves me and wants to make our marriage work. He cried, which rarely happens. It's taken some convincing to make him understand - physical or not - this is sooo painful. He gave her what I have been begging for for many years... time, attention, fun, his emotions.

I am so angry I can't even begin to describe it.

I want him to tell her he can no longer see her. He says that would be too difficult because they see each other places he goes. (I know he's in the bargaining stage) I say stop going! He's not ready to give that up, so I told him to leave. I can't always be worrying about where he is...I will anyway, but I can't deal with him here right now. He is gone now, but I wouldn't be surprised if he came back. He does say he will go to a counselor. I think he needs to hear it from a third party that this is the right thing to do (not see her). I wish it were enough that I need it.

The last few days I can barely function - I go from anger/rage to pure depression in minutes.

I hope I'm not alone.

Welcome to Marriage Builders, Price. You are not alone.

Have you read the articles on this site regarding infidelity, and have you purchased the Harley's book "Surviving an Affair" yet?

The Harley's have Plans you can follow to help you survive and recover from infidelity.

Also, you need to Expose the affair to friends, family, co-workers, church, etc. and the OW's extended family.

Jo

I have begun to tell others - some of my coworkers, who have been very supportive. One actually told me about this site. A couple of his family members know as do some of mine. Some neighbors/friends know as they helped me out with the kids the night I found out. And...I guess...his whole golf league knows since I confronted him there. No one seems to be brave enough to talk to him about it - to tell him what they tell me. (That he should end all contact, get help for a drinking problem, etc.)

I've read some info, but really wanted to hear from other people who have had a similar experience. I've barely made it out of bed, let alone the house, the last couple days...so, no, I haven't purchased any books.

Right now, I'm trying to get my emotions under control so I can be a mother to my two girls, work and take care of myself. I'm not doing well so far. I've never felt anything like this before...I'm not sure what to do with all this anger, pain, and insecurity.

I'm supposed to go back to grad school starting in 2 days and have an orientation tomorrow morning. Right now, I need to decide if this is a priority or to wait a few months to start the class. I already work long hours at a difficult job, I'm not sure that I can add another night away from my girls and the stress of studying, etc.

My husband is gone right now - he says we need some time apart. He's probably right. If I don't get my anger under control, one of us will get hurt.

Truly, I am a mess right now.

price, have you exposed the affair to his parents and the OW's parents? That is generally the most potent exposure. Additionally, you should stay in contact with her H so you can help each other kill this affair.

in the meantime, it was not a good idea to kick him out if you want to save the marriage. And let me explain why. Kicking him out only throws him into the arms of the OW. It AIDES the affair, not you. Throwing him out gives him the ammunition to demonize you, which is what he uses to justify the affair.

On the other hand, if you bring him home and treat him good, you give him no ammunition and cause him to have second thoughts about the affair. But by ranting and raging at him, YOU MAKE THE OW LOOK GOOD.

And that is the LAST THING you want to do!! Whenever you blast him, you HELP HER. Blasting him is the WORST THING YOU CAN DO!

So, get your anger under control, and as much as it GALLS YOU, tell him you are sorry for blasting him.

Harley's plan for saving marriages is counter intuitive. But it works. Read, read, read and then read some more. MelodyLane is giving you the beginning.

Larry

Thank you both. I actually did some reading on the site and in the forums. It has been helpful. My anger is under control and I feel like I can function again. I went to my grad school orientation this morning and it was a great reassurance that I am a smart, beautiful woman who will survive this no matter what happens to my marriage. I owe that to my children.

He came home the same night he left (last night). He wants to work on the marriage. He encouraged me to go the orientation, continue with my classes and said he would support me 100% - this was very important to me. I thanked him.

I haven't brought up the OW last night or today. As I read somewhere, it just gives him the opportunity to defend her and to be angry at me for bringing it up. This was good advice.

His parents know. Her husband says her parents know. I planned to contact him today, but didn't have time with work, etc.

I love my husband and hope we can work this out. I am cautious and skeptical. Advice on what now?

I'm working on scheduling with a counselor, but we have been playing phone tag.

price, be sure and select a PRO-MARRIAGE marriage counselor as MOST ARE NOT and do not have any understanding of infidelity. MC's have the highest failure rate [84%] of any of the specialties, so be very careful. I would ask if they use Marriage Builders principles. Those are the ones who will be able to help you. If you can't find someone who does, try phone counseling with Steve Harley.

And WHO told your H's parents about his affair? If the news did not come from you, they were not likely told the truth.

By threads, we mean the thing you are posting on. It is best to stop posting to the other one, and keep all of your posts together. You can go back to your first post on this one, and edit to change the title as necessary. If you stay on one thread, it is easier to follow the story.