I have her address and phone number, but she probably wouldn't answer if I called (wouldn't recognize number). I've actually written her a letter, but I'm hesitating about mailing it. Not sure what to do.
Any advice is appreciated.

What did you want to contact her about? Does she know you are married? Is she married and has her H been notified? Is the affair ongoing?

I want her to know that I know about her. She's divorced. It's an emotional/phone affair right now and she lives far, far away. But from the text messages I've read, they are talking about meeting her family, etc.

I contacted the OW in my case. She was a (now former) friend, though. I did it to confirm information, and to try to understand what the he// happened and WHY.

She is an idiot.

And a wh0re.

What difference did it make?

I don't know. At the time I thought it might help. It did confirm some things for me, but then at times I wonder if they didn't talk so their stories would agree.

She is a liar.

So if you call her, remember, she is a liar, and lies will spew from her lips like a fountain.

Lying liars lie.

About the letter, she could either read it and throw it out, read it and laugh at you, read it and cry, read it and be neutral, or not read it and throw it out.

Or, she could read it and try to contact your H.

It's probably just better to forget about her anyway.

As you will learn, the affair isn't about her - it's about your husband.

NOT ABOUT YOU.
NOT ABOUT HER.

ALL ABOUT HIM.

Try to look to understand that, it will help you.

His selfishness, his needs, his own weaknesses. HIM.


SB

still,

if it's just out of morbid curiosity or something like that, or to scream at her, most here will tell you don't do it. and it is probably sound advice.

I've kept numbers and addresses for over a year now, but never used them. It's pointless. For some reason, I imagine OW detests me as much as I detest her.

You need to expose this affair. Have you done that? Expose to your family, and yes, I would contact her once to let her know you know about her and to tell her to stop all contact.

I would let my H know that I did this, and also tell his family as well.

The best way to stop this is to let everyone know that it is happening. And that you are paying attention.

SB

I would call her up and let her know that you are married and have children [?] and that your H is lying to her about his marital status. Let her know that you will be fighting any adulterous affair that threatens your marriage.

it is very possible that your husband is lying to her about his marital status. My H's affair ENDED THE DAY I CONTACTED HIS OW BECAUSE SHE DUMPED HIM.

Dr. Harley recently counseled a member to do this:

"It appears that your husband's lover may not be too interested in him, and that would work to your marriage's advantage. I would encourage you to (in a nice way) ask her to leave your husband alone, that you love him, that you love your children, and want them to have a mother and father who love each other. It's not in her best interest to break up your family, especially if it would become her family some day. She would be eternally hated by your children."

Best wishes
Willard F. Harley, Jr.

Let her know that there will be no future with your H becasue she will be "eternally hated" by your children, inlaws, etc.

still, are you following Dr. Harley's advice to you? He told you to confront your H and prepare for Plan B. Are you going to do it?

Wouldn't she be oh so embarrassed if her family found out her beau was really a married man having an adulterous affair??? WHOOPS!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Let her know how very embarrassing that would be!

I contacted OW. I wasn't on a fact finding mission, I just wanted to tell her some truths about herself as told to my H. She told him numerous things about her marriage, H and things she did as a younger woman. She was aghast that I had all that knowledge. She actually felt betrayed by my H.
Needless to say, she couldn't handle the humiliation. It had the desired effect. Vindictive on my part,oh, yeah, do I regret it, not even a little. Her widdle feelings got hurt
by the luuuuuv of her life. Busted her bubble. Maybe she won't be so forthcoming to her next victim. I even repeated the info about her H's ED and the reasons she gave for it.
Yep, she was livid. And I didn't care.

you are so mean!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

And gettin' meaner every day when it comes to Jabba the Gut

I called OW to get some facts but she wouldn't really talk to me....so this upset me, so without letting her know she was upsetting me, i went on to tell her all the things that my H told me about their affair....conversations they have had, she didnt really say too much...she was probably surprised that he would even talk to me about them.

She said she had nothing to do with me and my H, can you believe this trick....SHE...HAD NO...THING...TO DO WITH ME AND MY H. I said umm duh, you're the 3rd party. Then I told her that i wasn't fighting to keep my H (which I wasn't at the time), I told her that I be telling my H to go and be with her (which was true). Sooooo if I'm telling him to be with you and you want him to be with you, but he still claims he dont know who he wants to be with....UMMMM maybe you aint got what it takes to keep him.

This must have p*ssed her off because 4 hours later (while I was at work for a 1/2 day) she was at my house asking him to choose....I went off on him when I got home and saw her in my driveway. Of course I didnt let her see me cuss him out.

WOW, she came to your house??? OMG! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> How bad did you rough her up?

I didnt, I pulled up to see her kids in the car....Kids in the car (2 of them are old enough to know what's going on) what kind of morals is that????? You take you kids with you while you're out wh0ring around? WHATEVER!

So I spoke to the kids....the oldest had a look like "Ooooh Sh*t, the W is here, now what?" We (OW and I) exchange words and then she left pissed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I was sooooo mad sooooo hurt that day because my H didnt even care that she was there. I mean some WS's do at least respect the BS not to be alright with the OP coming to the home right??? right??? After that I left....such disrespect and for him not to be bothered by it....idiot. I've never came to her door looking my H.

I had a similar sitch in that FWH told me about what a pest OW had become, constantly calling his office. When he stopped taking her calls at work, she called a coworker and asked him to pass a message to FWH that he needed to call her because there was an emergency. She also called his best friend and pestered him.

When I talked to OW following d-day, she was really annoyed at how much I knew, and yes, she felt betrayed as well.

For a while, FWH and I wondered if she might just turn up in person one day, but she never did. Seems that she was actually afraid of me and thought I might wooop her fat butt. Funny, she outweights me by about 70 lbs and is at least 5" taller than I am. Stupit B1tch.

I still regret ever talking to her though. I guess in your sitch, I would want to make sure that OW knows your WH is married.

Once you are sure of that, talking to her will be a waste of words.

Who

That B**** knew we was married, I met her when H and I were only dating...and she probably was at our wedding. She's the cousin of a mutual friend of WS and I.

Okay,just catching up here from my original post. The OW knows my WH is married. He tells me she was in a dead marriage like his (only dead to him,not me) and hung on for the kids, etc. JUST LIKE HE DID. She understands him, blah,blah,blah. In a text msg. I read she said when they meet her family, they will be non-judgmental. It makes me sick.
MelodyLane, I confronted WH today. We talked for 2.5 hours. Nice talk, really, no arguing, etc.
As far as Plan B; I am so not ready emotionally for that. I want to finish reading the book "SAA" and then see if I might be able to do it. I'm being honest here, so please be nice.
In the letter I wrote I told her what she's doing is a sin (as I told my husband, too) and that it's plain wrong. I asked her to stop all contact with him; I guess that's why I'd like to mail it. I keep hoping that it will appeal to her sense of.......I don't know what. Human decency?

still, she will not hear a word about she is "sinning." Rather threaten her with how dismal her future will look with your H. Did you see what I posted about what Dr HArley told another woman to say to the OW?

still, is anyone EVER "ready" for Plan B? I have never met anyone who leaped for joy at Plan B, but you really should heed Dr. Harleys advice to you because he has had clients who had nervous breakdowns by staying in Plan A longer than a few weeks.

I would still suggest talking to the OW so you can compare notes and make sure she understands that she will never be accepted by his family or your children.