i have been in out of mb. i have left posting on others threads. i have had my own. i think now i am at the point i know in heart i have done everything that a BS can do to show WH that she loves him.
My last and final attempt was when i spoke to the pastor that married us. i had a counseling sesssion with him on this past Sunday. he told me that now it is Wh desicion on how he wants to live. if he wants to be unhappy living with OW and her ways that there is nothing you can do to make him change his mind. he said but if he loves you which i think he does otherwise i would think a divorce would be in the process he needs to stop all contact with OW. and focus on rebuilding a marriage and family with you. i told him i know that and i thought he might talk to you(pastor). he asked me if he knew if i was coming to talk to him and i told him no. he said go ahead and tell him and see what kind of reaction he has. i know one thing for sure no matter what i felt peace when i left that church. that is something i havent felt in a long time.

so today i told Wh that i went and seen pastor S. he said really what did he have to say. i told him. he never got mad or upset( i thought he would) i told him that i think that he needs to go and talk to him with out me. i said you say that you are confused i hope it can give you a peace of mind. he said something to the fact that he (pastor) will not spread things around that he keeps that between us correct? i said yes. i said i think he just want to see how you feel about things to see if it is what you want to work on building our marriage back. i said he is not there to judge you for what you are doing. i said he is there to guide you. he didnt say no and he didnt say yes. there were alot of people around him and he told me that he will discuss this more tomorrow.
he did ask me one question. he ask me what did the pastor say about OW? i said that he said something to the fact that the relationship will not work. nothing good will ever become of it. he said that is it. i said yes.
so i just want you guys to really pray hard for this to be what we need. i love him and i want to work on our marriage but i cant do the limbo thing anymore.
thanks
bsj220

BS(me)
Wh(the man i have been married to for 9 years)
dd- 16 year was a daddys girl now she cant stand him
OW- married with 4 kids ( been married to her husband for 15 years)
wh& ow moved in together in nov. 06
OW has moved out 6 times since then and went back home to her husband each time- wish she would have stayed...
Wh refuses to talk about divorce or anything states he is confused-10months now

Nowheres near closure. He isn't looking to come home. He is still a WS. He just is now more aware of how stupid his WS antics look to the world.

Kinda like the emperor who realized his new duds made him look like a dud! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

L.

bsj,

So sorry for your situation. Glad you posted your thread. Orchid is right, he's looking out for his image. Of course he felt peace when he left the church....the pressure of accountability was lifted.

I'll pray for you. You, however, will have to decide what you want and when enough is enough.

Ace

Have you read Dr. James Dobson's Love Must Be Tough? I highly recommend it for your situation, seeing as how you and your husband are Christians and he is unrepentant. Plan B is very similar to Dr. Dobson's advice.

bsj,
I'm thinking nothing but good, strong thoughts for you. I think ace & orchid may be on the mark. Haven't read the book that bhhf suggests, but the advice I've received thus far on MB is spot on.
All my best,
SL

hello
i havent had time to be on here that much working a ton of overtime. i tell you i wish i could be lucky like such lottery. the other day i ran into a former exboyfriend's mother. we have all been on good terms i havent seen her i about 3 or so years. of course she ask me how is the family doing. i went on into telling her what happened. i found out that she is 2 houses down from OW's husband. i guess they talk frequently. she even told me he was devasted about the affair. well anyway she went on to tell me that OW's husband had told them that a week a go that ow called him and wanted to move back home. he said they had been talking for a while. since her relationship with her oldest kids(14+15years old) is not that good he said it depends on them. she told him that she wasnt going to say anything to my WH she was going to pack everything and leave. i guess he talked to the kids about it and the kids told him if she moves back home then they are leaving. so he told OW that she cant come back home because the kids dont want her there!!!!!LOL i about died when my friend told me this. i told her i said dont say a word about you knowing me. she said bsj i would never do that. she said i hate ow never did like her. i think it is funny what happened. she said i feel though OW's husband will take her back thought he loves her deeply. she said if i find out anymore i will call you if you want. i said no that was okay. i dont want to be caught up anymore than i need to be. she said i understand! she gave me a hug and we parted ways. i have had a smile on my face since then.
karma is a funny thing isnt?
so i am hoping that this is dying stage of this...
i know when Wh calls it is more frequently. he is just stoping by, he is fixing daughter's car. i hope this is a mend to their relationship. at least they are speaking alittle.
i am hoping i continues. i just think it sooooo funny about ow!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

okay
sorry i had to change my name alot of things is not adding up and i think that OW is searching this site. but anyway i have to tell what went on today. OW moved out. Of course when she does she always sends or calls me to get things started between me and WH. today she sent a picture of a sexual act that Wh was doing for her. i just got my phone so i am having a hard opening messages i could not see who they are from well my daughter opened that picture. i about died!!!! i could care less she is just trying to get to me. but for my daughter to see has be burning. what kind of woman sends this now dont forget she is a loving mother of 4. yea right that is the reason her kids hates her.
so i went to his house and knocked on the door. that is how i found out that OW was gone. i showed what our daughter opened. i told him that the next time i see i going to kill her!!! so during this time i am furious. i ended up leaving there and on my way home OW left me a voice mail. asking if i got the pic. i called her back and told her the only that she did is prove to me what kind of a slut she is. she is i am not trampy i am more of a woman then you every be. she said i took your man and i will take him again. she said i will wait for u and him to get back together and maybe i will come and F---- every now and then jsut to show you i can have him again. i said let me get this straight you are bragging about having an affair with a married man and you are married and then you are bragging how much he loves you and all of this i said why hasnt he divorced me? i have asked him numerous of times. he says no i said if it is such true love why has nt he did that? i said i think you have some serious issues. she said you are just upset that i can satisfy him. i said well if that is the case if you are all of that then why again how come he wont divorce me? why arent you guys married? i said i think you hate it because you are so unhappy that you make everyone else miserable. i said but the issue is that my daughter seen that and that she has enough going on as it is. she said well i am sorry. i said sorry just dont cut it. she said what does that mean. i said you know and you will find out!!

can you believe how nasty this woman is !!!!

oh any advice on how to handle this tramp? it is taking everything in me not to go and jerk her out of her momma's house. but see i know that is what she wants for it to get to me. and to tell you the truth i would have laughed it off because to me it proves that she is not happy and she knows that. and she is constantly worried about me and him.
i sorry but someone that goes to extreme like that to me proves that she is a ******. i am sorry no mother would do something like that. then she had enough nerve to ask me about me and Wh and if anything has went on between us. i said if you are such the woman you should have nothing to worry about then. remember and when and if i did what i did or didnt do was okay remember we are still married!!!

i think this woman has some serious issues and she needs some kind of medical and mental help. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Wow, sounds like PBR (OW in our case). She sent nudi pixes via e-mail and since they were opened on our computer....guess what I saw. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I notified her e-mail service (abuse@_____.com) and they shut her down. Make sure you sent the address and IP info. If it is by phone, notify her phone carrier and file a report with the police. Let them know she is bragging and harassing you. Let them know that while you may not be able to control your H from making her hurt your family, you can.... report her and tell everyone what she has done.

Btw, what does the WS have to say about this tramp?

Also, no more communication with the OW. You are filling her control need.

L.

yes, and probably notify the local law and charge her with disorderly conduct or lude behavior, don't let her get away with it.

b,
what did your WS say about this situation??

bb

i havent spoke to OW since that night. and you guys are right she does feed off it. but i think i was making her more mad because i was not yelling or screaming i was talking calm to her. she was in the frenzy!!!
i told her that the pic just gave me all the proof i need that i was right on what kind of person she really is.i said i see why your kids dont want to be around you. i said you are the type if you are miserable no one you know can be happy around you including your kids. it is all about you !!!

Wh says he is so sorry he didnt know she did that. and trust me the expression on his face when i went to their house that night beating on the door let me know he was telling the truth. he turned beet red and shook his head. that is when he told she had left while he was at work. like i said it did look like she cleared house pretty good. he said he dont care he is done. he said he had been feeling it for a long time he said after this he said it is over. then especially since our daughter seen that

i did call her cell phone company. they said they made a note of the complaint and they will be sending a letter to her to notify her that her service will be revoked if the more complaints come. i talked a friend that is a deputy sheriff she said only thing that would happen is a restraining order would be issued to her because of harassment. she told me i did the right thing of letting her cell phone company know and mine.
i always blocked her from my phone. my company walked me thru a call filtering system so she cant call me or send me anything from her cell phone anymore.

as far as it being over between them i am hoping. i know she is not welcomed no where near the in laws any more because i made sure i told and i even showed my sister in law that my daughet opened that picture. i think she was going to kill her too.
i guess now it is a waiting game to see if it is over.
i know Wh the past month has been acting different to me lately. he is calling more and stoping by more and more. even before she left. so i hope the fog is clearing. and sunny days are ahead.

i am about to burst!!!! Wh and ow are back together again. this time it cost him his daughter completely. our daughter texted him on how she felt about this about it being a smack in the face to her. Ow text her back saying that her dad loves her and Ow loves her dad and her dad loves OW and in time when she is an adult she will find out what she is talking about and that she loves her too!!
daughter text back i am more of an adult than you will ever be and if call that love between you and him i dont want no part of it. he can keep his love that for me and give to you because you will need it. she also text since he cant speak to me in person or on the phone and you have to be involve in everything tell him to forget that he has me as a daughter and since you are everything you can fullfill that position as well. which i think you have been trying to do all along.
no response back on that one.
OW is no longer allowed at mil and sil homes. ow says that wh and her are moving 30 miles away and everyone can accept that or not be a part of their lives.
so wh called me a little bit later and said that he is ready to move forward with a disolution. i told him it is ashame that a strong man like himself is so weak. and that yet a father but not a dad. he said i love daughter i said no if you did you wouldnt let ow get away with what she did. i said parents are suppose to protect their kids not hurt them i said that has been all you done since beign with ow. i said she dont care about her kids she wants you to be the same i said i known you for so long i thought you would never do what you did to me but what you did to our daughter puts everything in a new ballgame.
i told hime as far as a dissolution not going to happen. i offered him over and over again this past year. and he didnt want it now since ow is enforcing it she will have to play the waiting game like me. i said i am going to file for child support. he said why just call me when you need something.

i said no i said this will make it easier you wont need to talk to me it will be thru the courts so you can just pay there. he said you know i want to help anyway i can. i said why? so you can feel good that money makes it better or what you did and still doing is okay? i said no this way you dodnt have to see me and you know what is expected. he said i am so sorry i am so sorry. i said no i dont think you are. i said people do make mistakes but when they keeping do the same mistake over and over again it is not a mistake it is a choice. you choose her. you choose not to stand up for your child. you choose to be her puppet and i said you choose no longer to be a dad. i said what people say is true anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad. i said you use to be that i said it is sad how someone can turn your life around so fast and lose so much to gain nothing in return.
i said i hope that you guys are happy because you are meant to be together.
he said dont say that. i said i have been nothing but honest with you. i am not changing.

the words i spoke to him was not out of anger and not out of hositile tone. i spoke calm and collective and i did not show not one bit of emotion in my voice. of course once i hung up i broke down.

my problem now is our daughter. how can i watch her in so much pain and not be able to help take it away. i am her mother and i couldnt protect her from this. i felt like i let her down.

BW905,

Sorry to hear of this change. He is a failure as a human and has been captured by the stinky alien OW. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Glad you and your daughter are together on this matter. Glad MIL and family know who to support.

The OW has to lash out because you are all a threat to the A. The WS is a fool and you all need to let him fall without breaking his fall.

He will suffer the consequences of the A.

Be safe, file and protect your assets and your family.

Ow is after your title and possessions. Secure your finances and don't shed a tear for what he has to put out for selling his family up the river like Charles did to Di and the boys. Camila stinks!

take care,
L.

take care,
L.

Wh has been texting daughter all day today saying that he loves her and no matter what he knows that she loves him. of course my daughter has been laying it hard truth right back. telling him that if he believes that he is a good dad kept dreaming and that she wants nothing more to do with him. that she is hurt that he choose to have that slut (her words) over her. that she is done with the lies. and she is done with him. he texted her saying he wished that they can get past this and that they are losing precious time between them. she texted him that he did that on his own. the past year has been nothing but pain and hurt. she said she is tired of it. so she said that if she no longer contacts or sees him that would be stoping her from being hurt and that what she going to do. she said that slut has caused this and you have caused this as of right now i no longer have a dad. she was upset all day.
why cant he see the pain and hurt that ow and him have caused? it makes me sick to think after what she has done she can come back and cause it again. but like my sil told ow she always plays the blame game. she told her that she should start take a look at herself because she is the blame. sil told her that bw905 dont even bother you. she leaves you alone and yet she gets the blame she said i think that you dont want to admit that you and him are miserable because that makes you guys out into being wrong so you rather suffer and make sure everyone else does as well. she said that my brother is welcome at my house anytime but you however you are not you keep your self at home i dont want you to bring you miserable self to my house at all.


i know that my sil is very out spoken i dotn know how wh is going to react. i wish he could see that ow is causing him to loose his family. i know that probably down the road that sil and mil will forgive her if they are together for that long wh is blood and i am not but i am glad they are taking a stand right now. especially since my daughter feels the ways she does. also my daughter forward the texts to my sil on what wh had wrote. her response is he will have to learn that what he did was wrong. she said that no apology will make up for this and he has feel the full effect of everything.

this whole thing has me so wore out. any advice? i left a message for him saturday about half of the denist bill that i need to pay on weds. he was suppose to put it in the mailbox but he didnt. i know what he is doing i will text him tomorrow and tell him just to go pay it at the office and the credit will be there it is just down the road from the store anyway.

i just get to the place where i dotn know what to do/ i am no longer going to speak to him. and i will just leave messages as far as his half on things. the sight of him would make me sick. such a weak man how sad!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

sil just sent me the text that wh sent her. it said sil can you speak to daughter i have tried to tell her i am sorry and that i love her but she it not listening.
sil text no i will not your daughter is right for feeling this way. you have betrayed her and now you have to fix it you are the one that broke the relatioship ow am sure is loving this. good luck!!!

then sil called me saying that wh called her and he was getting hostile with her wanting to know why she wont help smooth things over. she said what you did was wrong and what you are still doing is wrong as well. i am going to protect my niece her feelings and well being is important to me i wish you would consider them. ow will never be there she will always pass the blame on someone and something else.but you choose that life. she said i am done hearing about yours and ow problems. when she left you could have made a mends with your family. the one you having been leading on the past year. the one that after everything you have done loves you. but this time i dont know if it can be fixed. you are completely wrong for doing this to them and ow is just eating it up. you know you will never be happy with ow. you are searching for something that is not there or never will be. you had it all with bw905 the family, house, vacations and no stress and yet you choose to have nothing with ow. it has been nothing but pain since you have been together. everyone can see it. sil said she wished that wh would.

i wonder how wh is responding to that? i am sure ow is egging him on saying see!see! that is our problem your family not supporting us. they shouldnt do that. blood is thicker than water and they are choosing bw905.

i think the stress of everything is getting to me. i am mad as H----! i just cant believe that he took that thing back after all the hurt she inflicted on everyone. thought of him makes me ill. he tried to call i didnt answer my cell and when i listen to his message i felt like i could throw up. how could i have not know this man? i am angery with myself again. i did go to the bookstore and bought a couple books on postive thinking and i hope this will help. i cant let my daughter see me so angery. i am worried about her as well.i dont want her to keep things bottle up i have discuss her going to a counselor but she refuses. we talk about alot of things and i can tell in her words she is so hurt and betrayed. it just as me feeling out of control.
i printed the child support forms off of the computer and filled them out and sent them in. it will take around 45 days.
i went to the doctor today i lost 10lbs in 2 weeks i think that is the only thing i can think that is any good of coming out of this. next week i go to a different shift at work and i think that is when it is going to get to me. i have been working nights now i will be going to days and i will be in the lonely mood. i am also reading a book on meditation and i hope i can use it to get rid of these feelings that i am feeling. i have to save money for an attorney which is hard but i will have to cut corners somewhere.
i guess i did do everything to try to save this marriage but i failed. i look at him and it is a stranger that i see and the words that he speaks are meaningless.

i know i should have such resent and hate and that makes you not be able to get past the bad times but how can i not for what he did. to all my friends out here please say a little prayer for my daughter and me to help get thru this bad times.
thank you
much love to you all!!
bw905 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
(formally bsj220)

bw905,

Sorry to hear about the WS babbling again. Your SIL and daughter have a firm stand. Good for all of you.

As for your anger, keep it focused and use it to strengthen your stance. This means you can't let the WS yank your chain.

Notice how he calls SIL, daughter then you when he doesn't get his way? Typical WS. OW is angry she can't control all of you. Let SIL and your D know this so that they don't cave.

Expect the WS at some point to turn on the charm. Be wary. Test the charm when it comes. WS' can't keep it up for long. Watch the eyes and you will know fairly quickly. It is ok to test the truth of his being nice when it happens. Remember if it was your real H, he would understand. If he balks, he is still a WS trying to trick you all.

When you expose the WS insincerity..... expose and run.... put distance between you and the WS even if it means hanging up on him.

Keep your dignity and respect.

Read my sig line about the stages of grieving. Anger is one of those stages but more will follow. Get prepared.

take care,
L.

BW,

After all this time why are you not in Plan B. Even your daughter has sense enough to cut this man out. WH is SOOO set up for silence it's unbelievable.

Besides...YOU need peace. YOU matter, too. Your lovebank for your husband is draining fast. Pretty soon, if you fail to protect it...you won't want him back even if he ends his affair.

Now don't go off the handle and start Plan B immediately. Read up about it. Post a Plan B letter. Perhaps get a child support order from the court so you don't have to contact him for money.

Dr. Harley's has a plan that is best suited to save your marriage. Your 10 month plan ain't working. Time to actually DO something. Without the fuel you've been providing OW and WH it will cave in on itself in no time.

Mr. Wondering