my husband and i are very young, and i already know that we shouldnt have gotten married this young, but we are and i want it to work. ive almost given up hope. his family doesnt like me. they are changing their numbers so i cant call. he goes out and wont invite me. if his family is having a party, im the only one left out. im tired of being called fat and im tired of feeling unloved. i want to be respected and i want to be in love with someone who wants to be around me and can say no when his wife is not invited places. he should stand up for me, not make me feel worse.... im going crazy and im ready to just get out. but if theres any chance at all that this might work, i want to give it a shot... pleas help me... im so lost and miserable <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

i dont know what to do guys. its been an ongoing thing since he left me for 2 months back in april. he hasnt had anything nice to say to be. hes only nice when he needs money and he hasnt been able to keep a job longer than 2 months. he doesnt stand up for me when people talk bad about me. he goes along with them, he has a lock on his computer and he makes sure that i cant look at his myspace or e mail. he acts like hes hiding something but of course says hes not. i thot that when you are married there were no stupid secrets like that. he goes thru my phone at least twice a day. but if i touch his i might have well as lit him on fire. he treats me like im his pet and talks to me the same. i want some respect from him. but im afraid that he wont grow up. he expects me to bust my butt supporting him and i dont want to do it anymore. i want to be taken care of. i hate the way i feel everyday and night. my only excape is work and thats really not any better. im a hairdresser and i have to listen to everyone elses problems.. it just makes me feel worse....

so sorry to hear that you are going thru this.
i wish you would go back and re-read what you wrote about how your husband is treating you. if a friend of yours would come up to you with the same kind of scenrio what would you say?
you said you guys are young how young? it seems like to be that you are the adult and he is a child. marriage is hard enough when two people love and respect each other. i hate to tell you this but he doesnt respect you.
you can make this with out him i think you are doing it now. tell him that you no longer support him, you no longer are going to be treated like trash. if he is that close to his family let them have him. let them support him.
you can truely found someone that loves and respects you.
i know this sounds harsh but i am only stating what i see. i have another question does he abuse you? phyiscally or verbally?
do you guys have any kids?
bsj220

no kids. we are 19 and 20. i have a cat. thats it. he used to hit me, but i put him in jail and he hasnt touched me since. well... he sprained my finger a few months ago but i kicked him out and he was gone for 2 months. he said that he was young and he needed to be with people that are fun and exciting and im not. ive worked hard to get where i am. and i feel like he doesnt appraciate anything i do. ...

verbally abusive, yes, everyday. your fat, you need to start excercising, (when he met me 3 years ago i was a size 00. now im a size.. io dont even know, but im not obiest. i think i look fine for the way im shaped) i hate you, your a stupid ******, your an idiot.. i could go on and on...it makes me cry.. ive never let my personal life affect my work.. and lately it has. im about to run my own store and i need a husband behind me supporting me, not bringing me down.. i try to talk to him but he turns it into stop cryin, your stupid its your fault. you make eveyone hate you.. dont cry to me.. i just cant take it... and on top of it all.. i just bought him a new car.. what am i gonna do if he leaves nad stops paying? im skrewed

wow
you are young and to be thru so much. if you bought him a new car and he isnt working then you have to pay for it anyway. unless you have it in the divorce that he is fiancally responsible for that.
i hate to tell you he is not ready to settle down. it sound like to me that his friends and hangout is more important. why did you guys get married so young anyway? i know some people you really dont see how they are till you live with them.
as far as him being a husband to support you i dont think he is that. and yes verbal abuse is just as bad as physical. the wounds from the physical heal faster the verbal stays with you. trust me i know i seen my dad to it to my mom for years. how are you with your family? are you close? do they see what is going on in marriage?

they see everything, but they are not around. he made me brake all ties with my family when i moved out. my stepdad was not the kind of dad youd expect and i think i married becasue i wanted to know that no one would ever hurt me again. i put the car in the separation agreement. i should be able to sell it tho. i paid less than what its worth. my mom tries to help. but im having a problem forgiving her for what she did to me.. my whole life is just one big mess.. and i dont think ill ever get out.. i feel stuck, unloved amd unwanted..........i want to married. i want to have someone to come home to. im not the type of person to date around. im really serious about my life..

it sounds like you married just to get out of the house. i dont know what your home life was like but it didnt sound good.
think of it this way. you are a career woman, you can pay and support your own self and you are about to own your own business. i think that is alot for your age. i do however think you will be happy without your husband. let him go and play games and hang with his friends. i am sure you will see him around at local fast food flipping burgers since he dont want to work for anything.trust me when i say this to you. because of how young you are you do have the world in front of you and lifetime to do it in. you will find someone that will respect you and love you for you.
they will love you for your inner beauty as well as your outer. dont let this person( husband) bring you down. you are a smart lady that just got caught up with the wrong person. i am sure once you get rid of him your self esteem will shoot way up.
how is the people you work with are you guys friends? do they know what is going on/

the girls i work with are my backbone.. they are there and have always been there. they are a lot like a bunch of mothers per say. but today he left me. he said that i wasnt good enough and that he didnt want to be married,... so i guess that kinda was a relief but in the same sense was heart breaking to hear that you are not good enough. thank you for your support..

i am glad to hear that you have some kind of support system around you.i know it does hurt when someone you love say harsh things to you. just be grateful that no kids was involved because if he says those things to you he would have probably did it to the kids as well.
now that he is gone change the locks if you are able to move somewhere else to so. change your number. i think he is nothing but bad for you. you seem like a really nice girl and trust me you will find someone else. that i am sure of. you should go buy the book The Secret. it is all about letting the postives in life take effect and i think it will give you some strength as well.
when my husband left to be with this married woman i was devasted. i went thru every kind emotion there is. now i dont cry as much i know i have to do what i need to do. if i keep all the negative around me and be negative i will never feel better and trust me it is true.
i wish you the best of luck.
keep me posted if you want. on here you can send private messages if you dont want to post.
i am praying for you!!
you will be better.
bsj220

thanx for your help.its hard to hear someone say that they love you evry day adn then all of the sudden its not i love you too is not im sorry but i dont.i am moving. all on my own.. im scared. but ill be okay.. i got promoted at work today and i guess thats going to kindsa point me in the right direction.all these changes are happening at one time and i really need someone there for me at the end of the day. but i guess thats not gonna happen soon, so... ill move on by myself.. its just really hard... i keep thinking of well.. what if i see him in the grocery tore with his new wife or gf? what would i say. i cry every time i think of it... i dont want to think about the man i love with someone else. i hate the thought. but i guess it happens to everyone at some point, whether it be their spouse of their gf/bf. im just really scared to be on my own... all alone..i hate even going to bed alone at night. huhhh...

Please, take care of yourself!!! If you don't, who will? When I read your story, I just want to go, grab you out of your house, and get you started in a new place. This is what you need to do. Stop thinking about everything you might lose or how much you've invested. You have years ahead of you. Don't waste them.

There is no rule book on marriage that ppl HAVE TO follow. Yes, he SHOULDN'T mind you seeing his MySpace and email. But it's up to him. However, it's up to you to take it. You know it, and many other things, are all wrong. Listen to yourself. Listen to your instincts. They are telling you what you need to do. Leave. This is just too much to "work out". You deserve better than this. You are ultimately responsible for how you are being treated now because you can walk out that door and refuse to be treated this way EVER AGAIN.

You're are still young, pretty, fun, and capable. You are coming into the prime of your life!!! If you don't leave, you're just wasting your time. Leave and don't look back. This guy, husband or not, isn't worth a minute more of your time. Cut your losses short now. The future holds endless possibilities of wonderful relationships. :-)

Good luck! My heart goes out to you.