I love my wife dearly, but after 1 year of marriage she's had enough. Over the past 4-5 months I've gradually watched her become a different person. All of a sudden she craved more independence, walks together became alone with her ipod, nights out together became with her friends only (and staying over), intimacy in bed, even kissing alone has gradually faded to nothing. I've tried sitting her down to talk this out, but she just gets frustrated by my 'interfering' her life. Linda claims she still loves me, but that her 'head isn't right'. I'm positive she's not having an affair. She's says it's not about other men, she just wants to be independent. She is susceptible to depression, a very spoilt & selfish girl too and I knew what I was getting myself into when we married. She often wishes she could have her 20s all over again (She's now approaching 30 and very regretful of her life). When we got engaged, a couple of months later she felt really down about the whole notion of marriage, called off wedding for a couple of days only for her to bounce back & reset the date. That's when I first noticed her instability. But I adore her & I so want this to work, despite her talk of separation already. She claims she would be so much happier alone but, coming from a very close family, she's afraid of taking action that would hurt/shame them. Linda is not being true to herself. We have her sister staying with us for the last few months (very bad move on our part), and she has noticed the big change in our previously loving marriage. She decided to take action & involve herself, urging Linda to snap out of whatever 'rut' she's in & to start appreciating what she has.. a great job, fabulous house, wonderful husband etc. She threatened that if she didn't start making an effort she would tell Lindas loving parents. Things didn't change & her parents are now involved, worried sick about her, to the extent that loads of attention is now being placed on Linda every moment of the day from her parents & sister, phonecalls, texts, watching her every move. This is suffocating Linda even more & forcing her to resent me & our marriage even more. Her mother visited me in private giving me her full support, knowing how hard she is to live with... I opened up to her & told her all about the last few months... not sure if that was a good idea? It's got to the stage now where Linda is manipulating me to lie for her movements just to keep her family happy, craving to go out with her friends & claiming that 'I'm with her' just to keep her family of her back. I just want her to be happy because at the moment my wife is the unhappiest girl in the world & I don't know what to do. I haven't mentioned a thing to my own family (I've heard it's best not to involve family in these situations?) But they've noticed how Lindas not with me anymore when I go home to visit. I used to be a very confident, happy & outgoing chap, they copped on now to my state of lethargy, I just make up excuses to cover up my sadness. I wish we could go to talk to a professional, but Linda refuses point blank & gets angry at the thought of discussing our marriage with a stranger. So I'm thinking of going alone, I need answers, I need direction... I don't know what to do any more. Linda has even stopped wearing her wedding rings. Sorry for the length of this, please please advise...

I don't mean to be disrespectful towards your wife, but it sounds to me like she never "grew up." In other words, she sounds very immature to me, like a misbehaving teenager. If she is still going through her "find herself" years, then her behavior might continue for quite some time. She seems to be partly testing her limits, partly just enjoying the single life that she perhaps feels she doesn't want to give up. With her parents involved, it surely makes her feel even more like a child/teenager that needs to "rebel".

Why is she regretful of her life? Is she regretful because she didn't enjoy her 20s enough? That doesn't sound good - she wants to get out and party. Basically, she is trying to avoid taking on responsibilities and maturing into an adult. It is always a painful growing process, and means that we have to be more accountable for what we do.

Sadly, it may take a real hit for her to realize the realities of life. Suffering is a great teacher of humility, wisdom and character. One thing that might be a good start is if you stop "bailing her out" and lying to her parents. Let them know the truth and give her a wake-up call.

If she still doesn't want to back down, then you might have to let this bird fly for a while. Sometimes, we just don't know what we've got until it's gone...and that might be her case. It may be only after she tastes the bitterness of the life that she is now idealizing, that she will realize how good she had it with you.