Well-- I can't do Plan A, he's not home (truck driver) and he's not about to give up his freedom or OW (although he rarely gets to see her I'm sure he talks to her daily?)
The problem with Plan B (my problem) is fear.

But today I thought a light bulb went off -- I decided to write a list of what H would lose out on, rather than dwelling on what's happening to me.
1) Sex (sounds corny but we had a great sex life, each time he comments about it)
2) Family time- can't see his sons or grandchild - he's usually family orientated.
3) Home Cooking - I'm a great cook and he loved all my meals.
4) Motorcycle (my name only)
5)Social Life - he's in his truck all the time on the road, where as he use to play cards, go out with guys, etc.
6) Church-got baptized a few years ago, live across from the church and went most of the time.
7) Jam sessions (plays guitar)

Just a few things--I'm thinking this may take it's toll on him, it might take a while but it might help him see the light. I need to focus on me and take care of me, and let him deal with his decisions.

NOW--do I tell him that I'd rather him not call me unless it's important? Do I just keep it short? He's been calling and wanting to chat, but its' too much of a comfort for him I think, yet I don't want to close the door on communication eihter. Says he wants to take over a couple bills to reduce my stress level--one is the cycle (in my name and he doesnt' want me to sell of course), but he would continue on with helping finanacially. Do I tell him that I still want my marriage (he knows I do, but it says not to bring up M discussion), do I tell him how hard it is to talk to him?
He came home and took all his clothes with him.
Sometimes my heart feels like it's going to stop, too much pain.
And yes--I get on my knees nightly and pray, for strength, for his safety and well being, for others who go through this amongst other things.

well how did he find this OW...i mean, if he doesn't have time for you do receive Plan A....then I guess he dont have time for her either. Use this.

And start a journal...track his moods and things that he says. For example, as a fluke, I gain knowledge of OW's time of the month...so by guessing....I track her period (I know but there's a method to my madnesss) then when I think she on that time, I watch for WH mood...is he nicer to me? Is he more affectionate?? Also, I track when the bills were do....so around bill time, was he nicer because he misses me or was it because he knew he would need help with a bill. having a journal will help know he motives better, should he be like most WS's and go completely confused with what he wants.

well as I understand it Plan A H has to agree to give up OW, and work on the marriage. I can't find much more than that. Plan B says if the spouse is already separated << he's never home.
OW use to work at one of his stops, been in jail for a couple months due to drugs and suppose to go to court again. So he can't make it to her house unless he takes time off << not saying he won't, I'm saying he doesn't get much oppurtunity.

You should move to General Questions II, you'll get more feedback...

Ok what you said about Plan A and B are somewhat incorrect.
Plan A and B go hand in hand when the WS doesnt know whether or not to go with the S or OP. In Plan A, you tell your WH you want him to stop seeing OW, but even if he doesn't you still do plan A. Plan A has a time limit because you are basically competing with OW. Who's the better prize (I know, sounds degrading). 15% of M are saved with Plan A alone. No LB and all the ENs you can give him. You set up a time, say 3 months or 6 months....at the end of that time limit, you will more likely be fed up with his foolishness and then you move into Plan B. But only move into Plan B if you are ready. Because Plan B is NO contact with him at all.


Its recovery when H agrees to give up OW and work on the M. Even if H doesn't agree to give up OW you can still decide to do Plan A (I can't say this enough-that's why there's a time limit so you wont be playing tug-a-war with this man for the rest of your life).

Hm, sounds like you wont have to put up much of a fight to win H back from this OW.

OK this is my understanding of Plan A and B.
More people can see your question if you move this to GQII, and then you can read what they have to say about Plan A, B and Recovery.