Have been talking on the phone and texting for 2 months. Without telling my husband, I called the OWs husband and we compared notes and agreed to watch it and see if we could figure out what was going on. Well, he lasted about 3 days and it all blew up this weekend.

Now what? I don't know what to do. Honestly, if I thought it had gone beyond the phones and texting...I'd be at the lawyer's office. But...I think they just got busted before it got that far.

My husband is more upset that his friend knows than that I know. He keeps saying I called his friend to embarrass him (my husband) and that he shouldn't have done it but. But. But. In the past 2 days since it all came to a head, I have had to say to him 50 times, 'stop diverting, stop justifying. YOU were wrong. SHE was wrong. I wasn't wrong to call her dh. HE HAS THE RIGHT TO KNOW.'

I guess I don't know where to go from here. I can't stand the thought of having to learn to trust him again, but I also know I shouldn't throw a way a marriage (24 years) over phone calls and texting. We have a 7 year old. The other couple have 2 kids about that age too. I am mad,but haven't been able to really fight it out because our son is here.

If you think it was just calling and texting, I've got a bridge to sell you. Your husband needs to agree to NC with his friend and OW and go to marriage counseling, otherwise, you need to expose him to his family and boot him out of the house. You won't be the one throwing away 24 years of marriage, it will be him. If you don't take a stand right here, he's going to continue to fool around on you. You need to make this your hill to die on.

Well, since their relationship crossed lines, they should have no contact FOREVER.

And you will both have to watch them very carefully to see that the affair doesn't continue. Your husband needs to be an open book, with his phone records available to you, his computer records, and his whereabouts at all times.

Your H is upset that he got busted. His reaction is very typical. He is just the alcoholic who just got booted from the bar, so don't expect him to be rational. This will all work out if you a) make sure contact is ended for LIFE between the affairees, b) work on repairing your marriage and making it an inviting place for him.

I would get the book, Surviving an Affair by Dr. Willard Harley.

Also, you might want to move this over to General Questions 11, there is much more traffic there so you are likely to get more feedback.