It's been 9 months since my wifes A was discovered... and over a 11 months since she's seen OM. There were never passwords on her email up until just a few months ago and it just bothers me that she has one. I feel it does not show goodwill, openness and transparency.

However, I do still have a computer monitoring program running so I get reports on every activity on the computer, including websites and emails.

Does something need to be said about the issue of her having a password, or do I keep quiet and continue monitoring them behind the scenes.

Thanks for all your wisdom and support!

I would do both. I would NOT tell her you have a keylogger on her computer. that keylogger saved my sanity in the first year and helped me regain trust for my husband. I was able to see with my own eyes what he was really doing when he thought I was not looking. That did more to rebuild trust in our marriage than anything else.

But I would ask her for her email passwords. She should be happy to turn them over to you and have you look at her email.

Why do you think she has set up passwords?

I would ask for the password AND keep monitoring. She doesn't have a right to keep this secret.

If you have the key logger/monitoring software, don't you already have the password?

Does your WS know/suspect you have the monitoring software?

Many times monitoring software will only capture e-mail when it is checked on the machine with the monitoring software on it. This leaves a WS an opportunity to check the e-mail remotely and delete anything they don't want you to see. They can do this at work, a fedex store, a internet cafe, a friends house, etc.

If you already have the password, you may want to regularly remotely check her e-mail for a few weeks before brining the issue up. It takes a lucky break to actually intercept a correspondence. But at a minimum you can verify whether she is accessing the e-mail from a remote location. i.e. if you spot a junk e-mail or something on her e-mail account that never shows up on your monitoring software.