You know, just when I expect to never have to visit this site again, something comes up. Hey guys I'm back again, yippee!!!! Jeez, I visited this place around 2001 under the name of txfiddler, and really for the most part our marriage as been sooo much better.

But - she was given a letter from her first love a month ago who happens to still be in prison. A brief history here: When we started getting serious ten years ago this dude would write letters to her mom's address and my wife would show me the letters and never bothered to respond as he was totally obsessed and in love with her but she had me and we were building a relationship.

Now, just a month ago, her mom gets a letter in the mail from him. Like a fool, she gives it to my wife, even telling me later that it's nothing but trouble. *sigh*
So, she lets me read the letter and it's the same stuff as it was 10 years ago. This dude is totally, insanely, infatuated with my wife and just won't let it go. The letters are like 7 pages long. I asked her what she was going to do and we agreed that she would write him back. I read her letter and watched her mail it off, no biggie I thought. Then, the letters came in like a blitz. Only a week or two later I really woke up with this feeling of dread and danger. It was my gut instincts talking to me. At that point I realized something was wrong and began to wander what was in the letters. I snooped enough and finally found them and read them - full of overboard infatuation, him saying that he only wants her to be happy but always planting seeds of doubt by opening the door for her, bringing up past memories of times gone by. Uggg.....I knew then that it became totally inappropriate and I felt threatened. I confronted my wife nicely and I warned her that she had stepped on a landmine and that she made a mistake by keeping the contact with him. He's only trying to brainwash her and it's working. She laughed it off the times we have discussed it and now she accepts calls at home from him (not collect) and they get to talk. Themes in the letter are him saying he remembers her "kitty" back then, and that he would do anything to be near her, he would do anything to have her back in his life because he believes they were meant to be. He believes that I am what she needs, but he is what she wants. I have to admit, he does write very well and he certainly has made himself out to be quite the fisherman. I'll write more soon, but need advise in case I'm off course here.

Good Husband > Inmate



What did he do to land in Jail.........for over 10yrs?? He sounds like a prize catch. I think your wife should wake up. This isnt a harlequin romance she is dealing with.

Really! I'm also dying to know, as are all who are reading this thread. What did this guy do?

How sad for your wife to be boosted by this guy's infatuation of her when he's incarcerated. That isn't worth much. Of course he's going to be infatuated with her. There aren't any other women around him. And of course he remembers her "kitty". I'll bet he thinks about that often. There isn't much "kitty" in his house these days.

What's he in for?

Well, they knew each other twenty years ago, my wife was 12 and they were dating and he was her first. They kept in contact some until he went to prison the first time which was before I met her. In 2003 he got out and came to look for her but my MIL told him to stay away. He was in prison for drug dealing, evading arrest, possession of firearm (was on probation when all this happened). So, he has this undying "love" for her and she is falling right into his trap. I honestly didn't mind that she wrote him back at first and believed that a friendship was possible. But, after hiding letters and me having to dig and find too much, and I mean waaaayyy too much inappopriate content I had to call her out on it.

"She laughed it off the times we have discussed it and now she accepts calls at home from him (not collect) and they get to talk."

Has she always been this disrespectful towards your feelings?

She needs to have no contact with him, written or by phone.

If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would put up with the amount of humiliation and disrespect that she is showing you? She now accepts his calls at home? No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. She is showing you total disrespect and you seem to be accepting it. If you don't respect yourself then who will?

He was her first at 12? could this be why he is in prison?

trueknight - No Contact means NO CONTACT of any sort for the rest of her life.

The "why's" of this guy are HIS problem, but they will become YOUR problem if your wife doesn't stop all contact. She needs to write ONE LAST LETTER, a "No Contact" letter FROM her, that you read and approve of and that you, not her, put in the mail.

There are examples of what should and should not be in a No Contact letter here on the site that you can use as a "template" for the one your wife writes.

Tell your MIL that NO letters from this convict are ever to mentioned, let alone delivered, to your wife. She is YOUR wife. Ask you MIL to toss them in garbage, unopened, as soon as she may receive any.

It is obvious that he got your home phone number either because your wife gave it to him or he got it from information based up the return address of the letter your wife sent him.

Change your phone number and make it private.


Understand that this idiot will get out of prison, and you can bet that he will be on your doorstep not long after that UNLESS it is clear that there is NO chance of any kind. That's the purpose of the No Contact letter.

Then get into joint marital counseling because your wife has some serious Standards and Boundary flaw and weaknesses that MUST be addressed.

God bless.

Your wife has willfully placed your life in danger.

I hope you live in a state where it's legal to arm yourself as you know good and well when the day comes he WILL come for her and the game for her will become a reality.

She's playing games with your safety, and you better do something about it now.

One other thing, trueknight.

If he continues to attempt contact AFTER the No Contact letter is sent, consider having your wife get a Restraining Order against him so that you have legal recourse should he continue his established way of doing whatever he wants to do regardless of "right and wrong." If he violates the RO, you can get his butt tossed back in jail.

Some of us know first hand just how dangerous a wife living in a fantasy world can be.

Mine tried to have OM run me over with a truck to make it look like an "accident".

He wasn't THAT stupid and I was smarter.

We really had a deep discussion about this on Sunday. Her and my daughter went out to run errands and I really wanted to find more letters because she hid them the first time I read them when I called her out and confronted her about it. For some reason, it only took me 30 seconds to find them again - it was like a magnet.

Examples:"I've known you since you were 12 and been a part of your life for 20 yrs now, I taught you how to love and what we shared in the beginning is strong and grows because it was pure within our hearts before experiences jaded us one way or another."

"Yeah, I do wish I was there with you, even if I wasn't locked up I would still want to be near you."

See, I know that she writes things that have to be inappropriate because he mixes in responses from her letters and phone calls. So on Sunday I wrote her a quick letter while she was gone and stated again "your busted". I left on purpose to let her read it and let it sink in, and when I came back I confronted her again. She is in so much denial with saying that she isn't doing anything and blah, blah, blah, saying that she only wants to be with me and that I'm the only one for her. I kept preaching about how freakin dangerous this is and she is being disrespectful to herself and me and his words are nothing but lies and he is only trying to get her to doubt herself and what we have. She offered to cut off all contact period and I told her she knows what I want as I've been riding her about it every day, though I am writing her more love letters now and trying to meet that EN and be patient about this. The last thing I need is to push her further away and closer to this crazy dude. I told her that NC is going to be on her shoulders right now and she asked me not to rush her. I told her that the last thing I need is for her to have resentment towards me and that I will continue doing what I do as a husband and be more attentive to her EN but I am not competing.

They had already talked about when he gets out in 2008 about seeing each other because some letters said he couldn't wait to meet the kids and stuff. I told her that out son doesn't want anything to do with him because I exposed that to him. hes a freshman in high school. My daughter is 10, but I will make sure she is protected as well. I told her that I will make it a point to get an order MYSELF to where he cannot set foot near my house. Actually, I mailed off a letter yesterday morning to him and curious to see if he will write back. I know this long, so I'm going to make another post that has the contents of the letter.

Hi Marc –

I’m writing to clear the air, so to speak, about this situation involving you, Carmen, and myself. First of all, I’m not sure that you know much about me so I will paint you a picture, ok? I’m a gentled natured soul who sometimes wear my feelings on my sleeve. Always looking to listen to people’s problems and have been told that I am a very patient man on many more than one occasion. I grew up with a love for the martial arts and enjoyed the competition involved. My hardest fight was against a woman – go figure!! Women can be quite the tenacious critters at times, yes? I’m a musician who loves to play for entertainment and relaxation. I’ve had the pleasure of being with Carmen for just over ten years as my one and only true love. We’ve had the enjoyment of raising two fine children and walk the journey of life hand in hand over the mountains and within dark valleys. I know that’s not quite a colourful picture, maybe more of a snapshot for ya.

I have to say that, unfortunately, I feel betrayed and invaded at this time. Carmen showed me your first letter this round, and we talked about what to do. When she stated that she would write you back, I said that’s fine and she even let me read the letter before she mailed it off. I felt quite content at the time, yet warned her that your words had not changed one bit from the letters of 10 years ago. You see, I work with injured employees for the State and part of my job over the last 15 years is to be an investigator. I’m quite a good detective and I always trust my gut. This doesn’t mean I’m always right, as I would have to be perfect and nobody is perfect. I saw your fishing lines and hooks from the start, and to be quite honest I didn’t think she would end up with a hook in her mouth. I mean, honestly, there is nothing wrong with having such a love for a person, but your words stink with obsession and a sense of ownership in something you lost a very long time ago. It didn’t bother me until she started hiding the letters and at that point I became worried that something wrong had happened.

I was right, as a husband, to go with my gut – it was like a feeling of tragedy – and I read all of the letters. You should know that your part in her life was not insignificant or by accident. However, you clearly write with the presence of a broken record in constantly repeating so many colourful and sexually charged things. Those, my friends are suggestions, which when repeated so much it simply amounts to a watered down form of brainwashing. To keep insisting that you were the pivotal part of her life in shaping her and teaching her how to love is making a claim that you are her Creator and Master Potter and that you have ownership in her for 99% of her existence. That isn’t fair to her or you to make those statements. As her best friend, lover, and husband, I couldn’t even make such a crazy claim because: number one – it ain’t right. Number two – it’s a lie/deceptive reasoning. And number three – she would be nothing more than a trophy or treasure. I assure you that Carmen is much more woman than she was when you knew her. I promise that many many people, events, friends, and relationships and her Lord are what made her in the beginning and even to this day.

It’s funny to me that you wish her so much happiness and want her to have the absolute best, yet you plant seeds of doubt in her garden. You have no problems with showering her with praise and attention while injecting your poison to pull up doubts and question marks. How could a man do that to someone he really cares about? What motive would a man have to disrupt a family so many miles away? I’m really looking forward to your answers. I’m looking forward to find out what your grand plan is for your “creation”, your “treasure”. I have to admit, you spin your words in just the right way while looking for little holes in the dam. You are a very clever man, but not enough for me. Thanks for reading this, and I look forward to your letters in the mail should you desire to reply to me. I’m sure we will need to expound on several matters before the final trigger is pulled.

Sincerely,


DT

Remember he has nothing but time on his hands to plot and dissect your correspondence.

Just let him know that he is now a pariah to society, worthless goods, if you will and that no woman in her right mind would ever want such a loser.

Might I suggest you let him know you will protect your wife from any and all threats.

AND you are going to let the WARDEN know you fell this contact is inappropriate.

Pariah -

I live in Texas and think it's legal to have a concealed weapon license. I don't have a thing against firearms, but it this something I REALLY need to consider??

He is in a federal institution in Oklahoma and all of his family/friends live in the same town as we do in north Texas. I actually talked to a co-worker who happened to grow up with him and my wife and she said he was always in trouble and he's simply crazy as all get out.

Does anyone know if federal inmates have access to internet email communications?? My wife always knew that I had her password to email and she changed it about a week ago, I have said anything yet as I need to investigate a bit more.

My scattered plan is to keep meeting EN and not give her a reason to continue this. Even though I didn't "make" her do this, I did lack with giving her enough affection, notes, little dates, etc. She did admit that because of past problems we had years ago that she was also doing this to feel me hurt. Do a search for txfiddler and you'll see what I mean. She did say that "it doesn't feel good, does it?" and things like that to rub it in. Don't come to conclusions, guys, I didn't cheat on her. Regardless, I'll keep from lovebusting and work on EN while being ever watchful.

I did keep two letters and have them in a secret location for evidence if needed in the future. If needed, I will eventually speak to the prison and throw a fit and have him blocked from calling/writing to my address. On the flip side, he already knows where we live and I know he will be falling all over himself to see her. *sighs*

On the Federal website, it shows his projected release date as 2010. So, I have to assume he will have some type of parole. If that's true, then hes gonna have to dot every i, and cross his "t"s and be a very good boy. If needed I can be a little devilish. This sounds like one of those freaky stories on 60 minutes. I don't want to end up like what pariah said and have this dude trying to cause an "accident".

TrueKnight,
Get a keylogger. I bought the All-in-one Keylogger and its fantastic. Runs clandestinely, does not show up in the task manager or system tray, and the folder is invisible. It can only be accessed by typing in a password. The program intercepts the password and displays the control screen. It will record every keystroke and in what program it was made. It also takes screenshots (in the resolution of your choosing) upon every mouseclick and every time the 'enter' key is pressed.

I am not kidding when I say you will see every single thing that happens on your computer. I watched as my wife highlighted words in the emails she received from OM. You will get her email password the very next time she logs in, but no rush. Everything she did will be recorded in the visual log, waiting upon your convenience.

Edit: The fact that your wife suddenly changed her password is very suspicious. She probably figures you wont notice or just assume that you forgot it if/when you try and log in. Its good that you didn't confront her about that. Get the keylogger and collect data before you say anything about it.

My guess is that he does have access to email, although, its a toss up. Also another thing you might consider is calling the prison and talking to them and tell them this guy is bothering your family. The guards will make that stop. If your wife wants letters from him tell her she can do that at her new P.O. Box number. I would not take anymore letters from this guy at your address. You need to put your foot down now.

I think that some inmates do have access to email because I've heard that on TV before.

When my stepbrother was in prison the prison sent me a letter asking me if he could send me mail before I was allowed to be put on his approved contact list. Perhaps the jail where he is an inmate does that as well and you could get that cancelled. They told me in the letter that if his letters started bothering me, ie, inappropriate, that I could ask to be taken off his list.

Check on that and have her or her mom removed from the list if you can.

Thanks for all the advise everyone. At the very least, it feels much better to just vent it out here on the boards even though this is the last place I want to be.

Ughhh......I checked the mail today at lunchtime and she received a letter today from him. I'm still going to stick with my plan of doing my best to meet her needs and phase this dude out. Is there a link that shows me how to do Plan A?? Is that what I should be doing right now?? Do you have to insist on no contact during plan A or is it afterwards??

Take the letter.

It is now contraband in your home, like drugs.