My boyfriend and myself have been together over a year, are almost twenty, and well-established in our jobs. We're both going to school and consider ourselves responsible. He suggested that we move in together and I want to take him up on that offer. My extremely religious parents/grandparents aren't too hot on the idea, but as I am almost twenty and have the means to support myself, I feel like I am capable of making my own choices. We communicate easily, he is my best friend. I would do anything for him and the feelings mutual. When I say that I know that we can support each other and go above and beyond for each other, I don't speak from assumption, but experience. We both know marriage isn't always 50/50 and each of us has willingly made accommodations for the other. We don't want to move in to "test" our strength or our compatibility, but because we think that we are both ready, especially with plans for marriage already laid out.

Couples who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate. That is one thing to worry about.

Another is the reality of sharing a home, bills and general living together issues. If you go this direction, be sure to iron out the daily basics, like who will do what chores, how bills will be handled and all that. I live with my BF of 2+ years and money is a major hot button right now that may eventually be our downfall. If we had discussed our personal credit, bills, spending and saving styles beforehand, we would have a lot less heartache now.

Go in with your head as well as your heart.

ADB,

You can't expect to iron out all of the conflicts that may arise when living together. Although speaking from experience it is a good idea to iron out some of the big ones like the other posters explained.

The one thing this site offers is some tools to use that will help make your M a happy and healthy M.

It sounds like you two work together well. Read this website. In particular read up on the Policy of Joint Agreement. Share it with your H and determine if that is a policy you currently use or could incorporate.

Do you two know each other's most important Emotional Needs? It's important to be open and honest with each other. Don't go into the R with certain expectations. Develop of Policy of Radical Honesty. Find ways to have discussions about the tough subjects. For me I thought once we were married that our sex lives would become more active, there'd be more frequency. I never discussed this openly with my W. I was wrong and hurt by that expectation. I also knew I wanted a small family but never really had a serious discussion about this with my W. That one caused us a great deal of strife once we started our family ... it's why I went looking for help and found this site.

In closing, if you know you are going to be married and it is causing some conflicts with your religous beliefs and family members is it really necessary to move in together? Would it be possible to simply be patient and move in together once you're married? Why the rush?

My W and I moved lived together for 3 years prior to M but we did so due to financial considerations (we both were a little broke and paying for our own apartments). We weren't sure if we were going to get married ... we never even discussed marriage at that time.

Gosh, twenty seems so young to me. Half my age. At 20, I was a disaster, so I won't base my input on my experience at that age.

One thing I will say is that family support matters a lot in a relationship. When the tough times come, you want your family of origen to support your relationship, not stand back, or worse help in its destruction.

I would consider the long term ramifications if your parents and grandparents couldn't support your relationship.

Are you living at home now? Or do you have your own place? I think each person should have his or her own place for a while first. I think that's a real growing experience. Otherwise, you move in with your love, and either you or your love turns into a parent, taking on the responsibility while the other one lives the old life of being taken care of.

The other consideration is regrets. I know you're natural reaction will "We won't have any regrets." Maybe you won't. But I know a several people, of varying ages, who married high school sweethearts and later secretly wondered on what they had missed out on. Not so much who they missed out on, but the dating scene and the freedom.

I think they are thinking of the statistics that say that those who live together before marriage are less likely to GET MARRIED if they are not already engaged when they begin co-habitating.

Now, onto my opinion of whether or not you should live together... my first question would be, "What is the rush?" You both have just fairly recently moved out from your familys' homes. I truly believe experiencing life all on your own is crucial before you settle down. What would you do if he cheated on you years from now? Yes, it could happen. Just read ppl's stories here and you'll see it's usually unexpected. Or if you have other unforseen problems? What then? If you don't have a clear sense of self and haven't truly been independent you won't survive when things go wrong. You'll be needy because you've always needed someone to be right there.

Most ppl who settled down when they were young later regret it. They too thought it was a good idea at the time. What tends to happen is that they later realise they were scared of being alone OR desperately needed to fill the void of the love of a parent OR they regretted never experiencing what it was like to be on their own for very long OR they realise they were too imature to have a life long commitment (end up arguing like kids throughout their entire relationship/marriage). Regret... Regret... Regret.

There aren't many success stories. Also, you may feel like you know what you want in life right now, but it will change dramatically over the next 5 years. Ask anyone 25+ year old and they'll tell you that what they knew they wanted when they were 20 totally changed. Every one of them will. That experience may be where your family is coming from. They don't want you to ruin an otherwise good relationship by rushing things. I hate to say it, but it's an immature thought to "know" you completely have the tools to decide who you want to spend the rest of your life with and how to be successful at it.. and that he does too?!

What's the rush? You have more to lose by living together right now and more to gain by waiting a few years. Love each other, grow independantly, and you will be developing the skills needed to have a long, loving relationship with yourself and your significant other.

I think deep down in your heart you may have hesitation about this and that is why you posted here. Doing this now, while you're just beginning to have a sense of self, will most likely be detrimental to your personal growth & his.