Quote:
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I understand your post to mean that why is it MrsW and Mel won't answer your question, and yet continue to ask you theirs?

Don't answer. It's gaslighting. Understand this. Read Larry's threads on it. Your honest question as to your own perspective, because you understood ML doing what you were doing, only you got edited.
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And you think that anyone who disputes you using reason instead of emotion is "gaslighting" you, LA, because you find it confusing. It is shameful to see you encourage that same victim mentality in FLTH. She is not a victim, she purposely set out to condemn other posters ["this is disgusting"] on that thread and is only miffed because she couldn't defend herself rationally. Like the typical wayward, instead of making her case, she went into drama queen mode and cried "victim." [even though it was SHE who started the dissension]

That is the classic behavior of an immature person who cannot defend their position using facts, evidence and reason. Throwing a fit and crying "victim" serves as a diversion.

She was edited for calling me names yet you attempt to portray HER as a "victim." Suzet made false accusations against me [I am an unprincipled MOD] and yet, in your mind, SHE is the victim. So, just who is "gaslighting" here?

It is clear that it was FLTH's intention to talk about me, [her "perception" of me] yet she can't be honest about that. Any sane person can see her words. The definition of gaslighting, a term you so love to throw around here to hide your inability to use reason, is "persistent denial of facts." That is exactly what she is doing, so if anyone here is "gaslighting" it is she.

You know, LA, rather than encouraging waywards to escalate every little hurt feeling, why not help them handle it like a GROWN UP? You do this board a great disservice by enabling all this self centered victimhood because it detracts from others here who really are victims. Instead of focusing on people whose lives are being destroyed by adultery, we have to focus on the perceived slight of some self absorbed, immature drama queen. Why not help the REAL VICTIMS, LA?

gaslighting, indeed! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Mel...I find it funny that you and I..considering we have had our own dust-ups in the past are considered so alike here. I think that people just have issue with those that refuse to allow injustice to go unanswered.

I actually consider it quite a compliment to be lumped in with you at times...even though you are a yellow bellied Texan! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

melody, you say i am not rational, you have called me sick, you have called me immature. you have called me self-absorbed.

i quite clearly stated my intention when i posted to MrsW. however you will continue to conclude as to what my intention was.

i see no constructive words from you Melody. only insults and rudeness.

this thread can become something constructive for DF so that is what i am choosing to focus on.

editted to move note to DF to new thread.

LMAO!

glad I could make you chuckle NOW.

I think that reason is not your friend, FLTH.

Words to live by here. I rarely even lurk here anymore. Once upon a time this was a place I counted on when faced with a horrible situation.

After several months, I realized the overall tone towards the WS... hindered my recovery... I started to view my H as tarnished, damaged, lying, worthless...some unredeemable slime.

My H is NONE of those things, NO WS...is any of those things..my H could NEVER live up to the expectations I found here...but after moving away from the CODEPENDENCY of this board... I used TRUE Harley methods, not opinions of what the Harley Principles SHOULD BE.

What a wonderful relief it turned into being. We are several years past the A... several years through recovery...and I came to realize that often the message sent here, is tailored to the audience.

The intent... I believe... of the MB forum...is to Build Better Marriages, regardless of whether or not you're the BS or the WS.

I know exactly where you're coming from, knowing I've been on that side of the fence as well...and I'm the FBS... go figure !!! LOL.

Hang in there...and take care.

I took all the hours I spent here every week...and invested in my family, my job, my friendships, my social life... and it was the best decision I could have made.

After all, my H and I work full time... it's hard enough finding those 15 hours a week together. I realized in short order...that I was having an EA with this board...and it was cutting into my marriage like an xOW. LOL.

Peace

betrayedinjersey,

thanks for sharing!! it's always so nice to hear about the successes out there. Peace to you too.

You don't HAVE to focus on that, melody .

NOW...just curious as to what your beef is today....you seem like you are itching to pick a fight so I say go ahead and do it face on instead of in the back handed way in which you are approaching things.
If you have an issue with me...or Mel..or anyone else...have at it. Get it out of your system.
If it is because your precious little Suzet isn't here any longer...that was by her choice even though she attempted to be deceitful in her portrayal as to why she was banned.
If it is something else...please...feel free to express yourself.

MEDC, I'm sorry you feel that way.

And neither do you, NOW.

betrayedinjersy,

i have to add, that this:


is a really powerful stmt. all i can say is wow.

there are times i feel like reading here is keeping me stuck. i think you hit the nail on the head.

MB has been a God send really, for myself and for my marriage. i must admit in the early days i worked really hard to let the nastiness handed out by some slide off my back. i so desperately wanted to find away to turn my life around. so i just focused on what would help me and didn't worry about anything that came across as mean. there were enough good souls here to listen to and learn from. not saying i ignored anyone that was hard on me, NOT AT ALL. Hard is the most helpful really. but mean is not.

I still post here because i believe the advice here can still be helpful and i also want to give back in anyway i can.

thanks again.

Now..don't get me wrong... i have no issue with you...I just sense you are ticked about something and itching to get it out. I believe in getting this out and handled..rather than letting them survive in the background. If you have an issue...feel free to share it. I have a very short memory for most things and hopefully we could move past them once addressed.

Yes, I know.

MEDC, honestly, I really don't have a problem with you, and even if I did, so what? I think you are a little rough around the edges, but I have also seen a very big heart, a good heart, in you.

If you think there is something i'm trying to get at in a back handed way, what do you think it is?
I asked you a question earlier, and you got a little defensive. That's fine, I wasn't wanting to push it.
I asked Melody a question, which she did not answer.

I wanted to know what was so funny about Suzet's thread. I asked Melody if she enjoyed poking fun at her. How is that being sneaky or back handed?

I laughed at your comment about people having issues with those who want to see justice served because, well, I am sure Suzet feels the same way.

That is all!

NOW

It's not disagreements that keep causing the dissension, IMO. Disagreements have always occurred and will continue to do so. People of good character can disagree on many things without having it degenerate into something damaging.

What I see happening is mockery or scoffing. Winking of eyes and high 5ing over the offended carcass of some more vulnerable participant in the guise of standard keeping or fighting "injustice".

Winning or playing the game seems to become more important than the person. A deliberate refusal to listen to people who are (however poorly you think they are succeeding) trying to be real with you (rhetorical you) and giving them gameplaying in return.

Scoffing is defined as "to show contempt by derisive acts or language."

It doesn't seem to be enough to point out a disagreement, or holes in logic, or that the advice does not line up with the MB standards - it seems that some are willing to use mockery, scorn, ridicule.

Disagreement with what a person posts can be limited to *what the person posted*. What is added when the response has nothing to do with what was said, but is geared only toward *who* said it? "You only say that because you committed adultery." "Discount what this person said because he has not informed the OW's husband."

God spoke through a [censored]. An attitude of "Pay no attention to those words, they came from a [censored]!" could place us in a position of missing God, IMO. Either the words stand on their merit or they don't. And if they don't, address the words.

Proverbs 22:10 points out that with scoffing/mocking comes quarreling and abuse, strife and insults.

That's what I see occurring. YMMV.

If I misinterpreted, i am sorry.

Based on Justuss response earlier, I hope that clears up what I meant by the drama stuff....and that is what was funny to me. That and the fact that she misrepresented some things that were said to her...but she also misrepresented her banning too.

And yes, i am rough around the edges. Believe it or not I have worked to get that way...it works well for me in all aspets of my life...even though it ruffles some feathers around here at times. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Again, sorry for the misinterpretation.

And the true power of this forum is thus revealed. Here comes Graplin with truth telling. What she said wasn't obvious to me but is now.

Larry

It's cool. I do understand what you're saying.

Thanks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

NOW