Today I was on the computer and a little thing popped up that said "you have a new message". I clicked on it and it logged me into my husband's myspace account. He has been crazy about deleting his messages but for some reason he left this one. After I read it I called and really chewed him out. He said I was over-reacting and just be a crazy jealous person. That he's not giving her attention that I deserve - a bunch of crap really. I'm trying plan a, but this stuff keeps coming up and sending me into a rage. How should I have handled it? What should I do now? I asked her to stop leaning on my husband emotionally about 3 weeks ago. I want to call her. He's going over there tonight after work, and tomorrow. He made me buy him a $350 phone just for text messaging and I'm tempted to throw it in the trash when it arrives. At least I can monitor the home phone and computer.

Its upside down. Bottom first.

______

Thanks for your messages. I will definitely talk to you tomorrow. It might be wierd if I came over to the house tonight when I am not supposed to be there. I have not been doing so well but hopefully things will improve soon!
Shannon
___

Please come over(if you can) after practice tomorrow so we can talk in person.
Chad



----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Shannon
Date: Aug 30, 2007 7:49 PM


I am trying to IM you...

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: chad
Date: Aug 30, 2007 7:47 PM


What's the matter? You said you were in pain! Is everything ok? Are you hurt? Of course you can have some meds! Write me back soon so I know everything's alright.
Chad






----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Shannon
Date: Aug 30, 2007 11:43 AM


Thanks Chad... Yeah I have been trying to get a hold of you actually. I am not doing so well and I was trying to talk to you about it and also ask you for some meds. I can buy them. Pain is pretty bad right now...

Life is scary.

I hope you are doing ok!

See you sat.



----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: chad
Date: Aug 30, 2007 2:22 AM


in case you've been trying to get a hold of me, I haven't been ignoring you. I lost my phone. I should get another one sometime this weekend. Anyways, I'll see u sat. night.

I've said it before & I'll say it again. I hate myspace. No married person should be on there.

I feel so bad for you that your H won't stop w/ her. Treat it like a full-blown affair. If it isn't now it soon will be. I know it's a very difficult thing to do.

I know you're worried that anything you do will push him further away. But if you don't do anything it, for sure, will happen. Maybe if I had handled my WH's first "suspisious friendship" differently, I wouldn't be here 13 years later, wishing I'd dumped his cheating butt then.

Oh dear lord.

First, you AIN'T the crazy one.

You are the only sane one between you three right now.

2nd, she will keep playing the 'poor pitiful me' card till he puts a stop to it.

3rd, why is he still in contact with her?

- Kimmy

I keep starting different threads, but they are in the same band together. lol, my mouth is so bad. I was trying to explain to my husband why this communication upset me and trying to explain that he is giving her attention I deserve etc, etc. He wouldn't hear it so I said "I wish you would just f*** her and get it over with so we can call it what it is!". He hung up on me.

About 2 minutes after I posted this, another myspace IM thing popped up and it was her. She thought it was chad logged in. I initiated a conversation. I was cordial but very firm in my expectations of her relationship with my husband. She agreed to back off and even said "I have other friends I can lean on for support, I don't need him". We'll see. She mentioned her own marital problems a bunch of times and also made comments like "sometimes people just grow apart". "maybe you critisize him too much" "I'm sure no matter what he'll still be a good dad". BS!!!!!!!! This is not being a good dad. If he leaves, I'm taking off with the kids and he won't have the opportunity to do any more damage in our lives. (out of necessity - family is 5 hours away). Ugh, makes me want to puke.

WH called me a few hours after he had hung up on me to make sure I was ok and tried to assure me nothing was going on and that he is just being polite. When he got home he was nice as pie. Took a shower and got himself all pretty and went out the door to meet with them (and her).

Now I'm going to go eat some icecream.

Just one question:

Why are you buying WH a $350 phone for text messaging?

meremortal - Great minds think alike - I was wondering the same thing. How could a wandering spouse "make" his wife buy an affair phone?

An affair phone...lmao....you guys are great. But seriously..stormy..send that phone back. I agree completely. He just told her that he would have another phone soon! You are buying him a way to keep in contact with her. Send it back and tell him when he can give you a secure NC, then he can have his blasted phone. Affair phone....lol....

lol, he dropped his phone in the parking lot and someone ran it over. He got on verizon and found the new enV and fell in love. Then he realized we couldn't get it for $99 because our two years wasn't up. By then he was so set on having the damn thing he wouldn't stop bugging me about it for a full week.

Funny thing about not having the phone this week is he has been very attentive to me. Coincidence? I think not. Luckily I check the mail while he's at work.

Lol, maybe I should call it an affair phone. He's still in complete denial that an affair is what's going on. He keeps telling me his relationship with her has nothing to do with his recent actions and feelings toward me. As you can see from the email he's pretty darn concerned about her well being. In the mean time he could care less about my morning sickness or well being period.

Should I do that? Say no, you can't have your phone until you agree to no contact? I've already made it clear to him that I'm unhappy about the phone and the fact that he will resume his text messaging as soon as he gets it. He just says, "I'll text you too because I don't like to talk". I'm 110% certain that would be setting us up for separation. He secured a different place to live the last time I asked him to stop contacting her. I don't know why he stayed.

He needs to have no contact with her. The whole reason he is the way he is IS because he is having contact with her. She needs to be out of the picture completely. He needs to never have contact again with her. Until that happens, you are going to have problems.

surely I agree with you. I'm confused about plan a though. Some say it requires no contact, others say its all about assuming there is still contact. I've made my requests known and they have been ignored. Continue with Plan a as if nothing happened, throw a fit and continue with plan a, or straight to plan b?

He pestered you to buy the phone. He didn't MAKE you buy it....unless he held a loaded gun to your head while you ordered it - even then, technically, you would have had some choice.

I doubt he HAS to have the ability to text message. Wants to, sure. Has to.....NOPE!

Intercept that baby and send it back.

I'm not a veteran here, so maybe others will disagree with me. But as regards your confusion about Plan A: who says it requires no contact? You should request that your WH have NC. But the very fact that it hasn't happened yet means you need to be in Plan A.

Have you read SAA? If so, I think you need to re-read the description of Plan A. Because throwing a fit is not a part of Plan A. It shouldn't be a part of any Plan to protect your marriage. I think it would be considered an Angry Outburst, which is one of the LBs you should be avoiding at all costs. I don't think anyone here has a happy marriage due to one or more partners throwing a fit. Requesting calmly but firmly that your WH have NC with the OW is not a LB.

Jumping straight to Plan B? Have you laid the foundation of a solid Plan A first? It doesn't sound like it. Plans A/B are not a 'pick one or the other' scenario. B must follow A. I think the exception is when you cannot do Plan A due to the WS having moved out and into the arms of the OP.