Stopped my EA several weeks ago, and at the same time I stopped the online computer game I was playing excessively (the 2, the game and the EA, were very much intertwined).

Well, I know that I am very susceptible to addictions, I've never really struggled with any serious ones, well, outside of the EA and the computer game, and maybe gambling when I was in college . . . but, no alcoholism or drug abuse or even smoking or anything.

Anyway, I stopped the EA and the game, and since we moved a little more than a year ago (and I was already into the game heavily at that point) I haven't made many/any friends here. All of my "friends" were in the game that I just quit.

So, now I find myself in withdrawal from 2 addictions, no friends, trying to recover and rebuild my M because of the EA, very very little time to work on either the M or making friends because of a 4 year old and now a newborn in the house, which leaves me with little hope left over that either the recovery or friends will be here anytime soon.

Where I am going with all of this is that I have been struggling mightely with the desire to find some new . . . addiction I guess. Even though I'm not a smoker, I want to buy a pack every time I am in a store, and I want to bum one from someone every time I see them smoking. Never was an alcoholic, but I want to drink now. I even eye my W's Vicodin (from the C-section) with more than a little desire.

I am also depressed, and have ADHD, both of which from what I understand are not very helpful when it comes to addictions.

But I just want something, even artificial, to make me "feel good" again. And I want . . . I have no idea how to describe it to make sense, but I "want" to be addicted to something, almost anything. I am just completely lost without my 2 that I gave up, no friends, rough time in M, and no reasonable expectation that anything will be resolved soon.

I'm not overly interested in pointing out that everything is my fault, it's the result of my decisions that I am in this position, I realize that. I just want any suggestions that people might have in battling this, maybe someone who felt the same thing at this point in their lives, or someone who has experience with addiction.

I just honestly am kind of worried/scared that at some point my willpower won't be good enough and I end up getting in some serious trouble with some addiction or another.

You have friends right here...invisible as we may be, we care!

So far, you've been able to resist the temptations you are feeling. Has anything really horrible happened without those crutches you used to use? Nope. You don't need them.

Jeese oh pete, how many posts do I have flying around here today.

double deleted.

Long, YOUR KIDS!!!!

ok, so maybe i just mentioned this but seriously.

there is nothing better than kids.

do you get on the floor and play with them? your 4ry old that is?

kids are the very best thing for a person's soul.

just try, try to play like a 4yr old.

the discoveries they make are so fun to watch. the joy they have playing in such simple ways.

and the newborn, OMG, nothing is better than holding a baby.

ok, i know, sometimes they cry.

Walk with him, ummm dare i say, sing to him, touch his face a lot, stroke his cheek, hold him and rock him and breath him in.

Fall madly in love with your kids Long and enjoy them. they really do grow up fast.

If you touch that Vicadin, I personally will reach into this screen and kick your ever lovin' behind.

You know that in rehab anymore, they not only keep you sober but you are not allowed to smoke either.

I always thought this strange (alcoholic dad, many experiences with detox/rehab and gambling addicted mother), but I now know it is because of what you speak of now.

You are realizing what it is before you act on it. It is a way to keep you distracted from your life, from dealing with things you need to deal with.

If you can replace those addictions (negative) with something positive, you will be well on your way to moving into a higher realm of consciousness.

Tony Robbins has created his lifes work on this premise, and I tend to agree.

BTW, I have a VERY addictive personality. Smoking, wine, MB.

I've given up a couple (guess which two?), but it is so hard to fill the void at first. A lot of it has to do with leverage. What was your leverage for giving up the game and the EA? There had to be something you wanted more than the destructive habits.

Your wife? A good family life? To be a good dad to your child (and congrats on the new one coming, even if he/she is coming at the wrong time).

It gets easier. Hang in there.

I think a lot of the struggle is that we are so afraid of feeling pain, of feeling bad, that we would do almost anything to avoid that. We think there is something wrong if we feel pain...the truth is, it is normal and inevitable...I read more than one place that you should try to just "sit" with the pain. Just sit, do not judge it or try to fight it or try to make it go away, just try to see it objectively for a minute and then let it go.
When I went through withdrawal from OM, I would grieve, cry, get angry, sulk, cry some more...but I would do NOTHING until it passed, and it always did. AS time goes by, you'll find yourself grieving less and less. I promise!

Hehe, once again, spot on Weaver. I do think that it is almost completely a way to not deal with life's issues, an escape. I have plenty to want an escape from right now to be sure. And that is something that is hampering my recovery as well -- I want an escape, and sometimes that means an escape from everything. Go and live somewhere else, completely, away from everyone I have ever known, start over, etc.

What was my leverage? Well, I guess that I was at the end of my rope, at the bottom. I lost over 50lbs in 3 months because I couldn't eat. I was constantly physically sick from stress and confusion, causing lack of sleep which further hurt me physically. At one point I had a fever for 10 days straight, probably from a combination of stress and an electrolyte imbalance from the starvation diet I was on.

Anyway, I saw that I was only ever happy, or more accurately not completely miserable, when I was talking to OW and playing the game. I knew something had to happen, and fast.

Well, unfortunately maybe I didn't really hit bottom, because once I pulled myself out of the gutter, I kinda just stopped on the sidewalk and laid back down I think. Now I feel the stress, hopelessness, and fear returning. I find myself looking at addictions to fill the void more and more.

I am trying desperately to find something, anything, positive (or at least not horribly negative) to occupy myself. I started walking, lifting weights, and other exercise things which is helping a lot.

I just know that I could slip and fall back further and harder. And I guess partly I just wanted to get it out there and admit it, to make it more real to me. I'll talk to my W about it this weekend too, and have her watch me extra close for any suspicious behavior.

Long, i'm proud of you for putting it out there. I'm not sure if you knew this but all the crap i did between 2001-2003 was made possible by the internet.

Take the kids to storyhour at your library. You'll meet lots of moms with babies and young children. At this time in your life they are the best friends to have because you can co-op babysitting and get yourself out of the house for a date with your husband or to take a class.

And while you are at the library ask the reference librarian for a list of the twenty best philosophy books ever written beginning with Aristotle. Take them home and start reading. That will help re-wire you brain.